


The Way It Should Be

by j__writes



Series: The Way It Should Be Series [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec POV, Almost smut but no actual smut, Established Magnus/Camille, Established Ralec, Falling In Love, Light Angst, M/M, Mentions of Abusive Relationship, No cheating, Pining, Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, anyone surprised?, i guess, pianist!Magnus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2019-02-04 09:41:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 53,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12768282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j__writes/pseuds/j__writes
Summary: Alec Lightwood had his life figured out: a job that he was passionate about, a beautiful boyfriend who loved him, and friends and family surrounding him.Everything was perfect or should have been perfect, if it weren't for the nagging feeling that something in his life was missing. And how was he supposed to go on with his life after he met Magnus Bane and suddenly that feeling was gone?





	1. 1.

**Author's Note:**

> hello! I'm back with another fic that literally nobody asked for. But I used this as a way to rid myself of writer's block and as a personal exercise/challenge. And as a way to work through some things in my life.
> 
> The story is complete and I will be posting 1 chapter per day for the next 7 days. So yeah, it's a slow burn but you won't have to wait too long. ;)
> 
> Eventually there are mentions of an abusive relationship so please be prepared for that or don't read if it will be triggering to you. If there is anything else you feel I should have brought to my attention, please do so, I would hate to cause any harm to any of my readers.
> 
> Feel free to send post your reactions using the hashtag #twisbfic 
> 
> I would like to wish the sweet Chris a happiest of birthdays!!
> 
>  
> 
> Happy reading!

His breath smelled of spearmint and his skin of aftershave as he leaned over Alec’s shoulder from behind and pressed a kiss to his cheek. 

“I almost forgot how well you clean up. Should I be worried some strapping young artist is going to steal you away from me?” he asked playfully before walking over to their bed and putting on his tie. 

Alec let out a forced chuckle. “Who says I’m going for younger? Maybe I’ll go for an older man?”

Raj laughed as he pulled the knot of his tie up to his collar. “That’s the spirit. Find yourself a sugar daddy and maybe we can both benefit in the long run. Actually this event might be the perfect place. Hurry, go change into those tight leather pants we got for Halloween.”

Alec laughed and internally cringed at the memory of that Halloween where Raj insisted he dress up as the pirate from the fairytale tv show he watched. “I’d like to forget those things exist.”

Raj’s brows flicked up and he slowly raked his eyes down Alec’s body. “I don’t,” he said appreciatively, his teeth biting into his bottom lip as he arched his neck around to check out Alec’s backside.

Alec groaned in response and turned his body away from Raj’s ogling eyes. He grabbed his suit jacket and slid it on. He faintly heard Raj laugh and mutter something under his breath.

Alec took one last look in the mirror and smoothed his palm down on the sides of his head, trying to straighten out the hair above his ears. He’d forgotten how he desperately needed a haircut, and his job didn’t help matters when his mind was always busy remembering details for it. He turned to the side, examining himself from every angle possible. He gave himself a half-shrug in the mirror. This would have to do. 

Tonight was a big night for Raj. The company he had worked so hard to build up with his friend Victor had taken off three years ago, rising in the ranks as one of the most sought after art galleries in the area. When he and Alec had first met six years ago, the gallery had just started and it had been a labor of love ever since then. Now all his labor was paying off with this Christmas gala. Well known artists from all over the East coast would be attending, listing their art for a silent auction to benefit the local Children’s Hospital and after seeing the successful turn out, would hopefully book the gallery to exhibit their collections. 

Truthfully these events weren’t Alec’s favorite things to attend but he did it because it made Raj happy. Happy? Was that the right word to use? It pleased him. No. Maybe happy was the right word although it didn’t seem to fit the way things had been between them lately. Things weren’t bad between them but Alec would not look at their relationship and say they were happy. They moved in together after two years of dating, they had a lot of common interests, they got along well; they were content and life was comfortable.

“Alec?”

Alec turned to see Raj standing by the door, his coat now on and his scarf in his hand. “Hm?”

“I said, are you ready?”

Alec moved over to the door and removed his winter coat from the hanger. “Yep.”

 

* * *

 

The party was a hit just like Alec knew it would be, the gallery brimming with artists. Raj had a crowd around him that he was working wonderfully for future business opportunities while Alec sipped at his champagne and stood silently in his corner.

“Either you’re plotting his murder or you’re hopelessly in love. I can’t quite tell which one it is. Should I be concerned that your murder-face and in love face are the same?”

Alec snorted out a laugh, almost choking on his champagne and looked over at Maia, one of his best friends, whom he had forced to attend this party so he wouldn't have to brave it alone. 

“I’m glad you could make it, I was beginning to worry that you were going to stand me up,” he said, wiping at the spilled champagne his laughter had caused. 

He flagged down a nearby banquet server and plucked a champagne flute from his tray, which Maia then took with a satisfied grin.

“So which one is it?” she mused.

“Which one is what?” he asked, taking another sip and relishing in the bubbling feeling as it worked its way down his throat and soothed his nerves. God, he hated these things.

“Murder-face or hopelessly in love face?” she asked in a whisper as she tucked herself in close to his side.

“Neither,” Alec mumbled.

Maia quirked her head to look at him and he realized that was probably not the best answer he could have given. But it was the most honest. He closed his eyes and clenched his teeth together. He hated his inability to filter his thoughts sometimes. 

Without missing a beat and without judgment, Maia looked away from him and instead focused ahead on the crowd, sipping her champagne thoughtfully. “Okay. Elaborate.” 

Alec sighed. “I didn’t mean it _that_ way.”

She bumped her hip into his thigh. “You always say what you mean, Alec. A not so endearing trait I’ve loved about you since day one when you told me I shouldn’t quit my day job in marine biology after trying my cupcakes. It’s why you’re one of my best friends. So, please, tell me.”

“I really didn’t mean it that way though.”

Maia huffed in obvious discontent with his answer. “If you were to ask me right now if I’m in love with Simon, what do you think my answer would be?”

Alec shrugged.

“Go ahead, ask me.”

“Are you in love with Simon?” Alec asked with an eyeroll although he already knew her answer.

Maia turned to face him, making sure he made eye contact with her. “Absolutely.”

Alec smiled. He couldn’t help it. Not when she was so open and honest with her love for Simon. Their relationship had been an interesting one to watch play out. They were a couple he never expected to work but somehow—someway—they did. “I knew your answer already.”

Maia smirked and then lowered her voice to a serious whisper. “So tell me, are you in love with Raj?”

Alec quickly glanced over her shoulder in a panic. He was worried someone would overhear them or worse, Raj would be there to hear his answer. “Maia, now’s not the time.”

“What’s so difficult about the question, Alec? It’s a simple yes or no,” she pushed.

Alec rolled his eyes before looking back at her. “Of course I am. Yes. Are you happy?”

“Am I happy? What does my happiness have anything to do with your relationship?”

“I meant it like _are you happy that you have your answer now_?” he said, overly gesturing with his hands the way he often did when nervous.

Maia scoffed. “I have an answer, yes, albeit a dishonest one. So I guess I’m happy...for now.”

Alec went back to watching the guests and hoped against hope Maia would drop the subject. He was not in the mood to confront the uncomfortable feelings he had been purposely avoiding for so long. 

“Why are you with him?”

Alec groaned. It seemed she was not going to be letting this go any time soon. “I beg your pardon?” 

Maia gestured at Raj with her champagne flute. “He’s in this for the long haul, Alec, even I can tell you that. You fit what he’s been looking for: attractive, kind, loyal, steadily employed. In today’s dating world, he’s not going to let you slip through his fingers. Not to mention the fact that he’s hopelessly in love with you.” She stopped to take a large gulp of champagne and then hissed in approval when she finished. “We know why he’s with you; so my question is, why are you with him?”

“Because I love him?”

“Are you asking me or telling me?” she countered.

“Jesus, Maia, why can’t you let this go?”

“I’m sorry, I just found out my best friend _isn’t_ in love with the man he’s been in a steady relationship with for six years. I have a few questions.”

Alec tossed back the rest of his champagne. “I can’t talk about this. Maybe some other time when we’re not _here_ and Raj isn’t standing _right there_ , and I’ve had about ten more of these,” he said, shaking the empty champagne flute in front of her face.

“Fine. But don’t think for one second I’m going to forget to continue this conversation.”

Alec swiped another champagne from a passing server. 

“Of course you’re not, why would you?” Alec muttered under his breath, secretly wishing he hadn’t invited someone who could see right through him.

“Whatever. I’m going to go get some fancy hors d’oeuvres while you wallow bitterly. Want anything?” Maia asked, finishing off her champagne.

Alec shook his head. “No thanks.”

“I want this attitude gone by the time I get back,” she scolded him with a pointed finger and then turned on her heel, leaving him in the corner alone. 

Fuck everything. He hated how easily she could read him. He had met Maia after he and Raj had been together for three years, the topic of them loving the other never came up because it was a sort of understood fact about his life. Up until now. And now he did his best to avoid the topic, even with himself, because having these doubts was one thing but voicing them out loud made them real. Well, more real than what they already were which was completely and sometimes overwhelmingly _real_. Someone else knowing meant he would be forced to confront these feelings, and Maia would be sure he did. She would not let him off the hook so easily and he knew she meant what she said, they would be continuing this conversation at another time. Which meant he was going to have to decide how much he would reveal to her, how much truth he would be willing to divulge at this point.

Alec watched Raj work his way through the crowd with his professional charisma. He was all smiles and playful banter, making the group around him laugh out loud. He was still the man Alec had met and loved all those years ago. Nothing about Raj had changed. It was something in Alec that had changed. It made no sense— not even to him.

He did love Raj. He did. He had for a long time now. 

He remembered how much he loved him when they first started dating and when they moved in together. Nothing between them had actually changed so he didn’t know where this confusion was coming from. Why he couldn’t seem to get past the heart stopping dread he got whenever he thought about his future. Their future together wasn’t something that ever came up. They both seemed to have danced around the topic for the majority of their relationship. Although Alec was almost certain Maia was right; Raj was in this for forever. 

His stomach twisted at the thought of forever and he sipped at his champagne some more to try and rid himself of this feeling.

“Alec!” 

The British accent was one Alec would recognize anywhere. He turned to see Raj’s best friend and business partner, Victor Aldertree weaving his way through the guests with a wide grin on his face. 

“For someone as tall as you, you do seem to blend in with the crowd remarkably well.” Victor laughed and Alec faked a laugh along with him. 

“Hey, Vic, what’s up?” 

It wasn’t like Victor to come seek him out when Raj wasn’t around. Not that they didn’t get along but a part of Alec always felt as if Victor didn’t quite like him; though he was exceptionally smiley tonight and Alec figured he’d probably had a good amount of champagne to loosen him up for socializing. Alec was sure this was per Raj’s insistence seeing as everyone knew how Victor was not usually the warmest person. 

“There's someone I’d like for you to meet,” Victor slurred slightly. “We started talking and don’t ask me how it came up but I was telling him about your work and he seemed interested about that—uh whole community project thing you’ve been telling us about.” 

“My work? I’m a social worker. It’s hardly glamorous work that’s discussed at these types of events.” 

“It’s charitable, Alec. And rich people are all about charity.” Victor bit his lip and slapped Alec on the arm with the back of his hand. 

“Well, I don’t do it for free so it’s not exactly charity either—”

“Maybe it’s not charity but it is philanthropic and therefore honorable work,” a smooth voice came from behind Victor and Alec got the chance to see Victor’s smug know-it-all smirk before he stepped aside to reveal the mystery man behind the voice. 

When he stepped in to join their group, Alec had to take a moment to make sure he was not visibly reacting the way his thoughts were. The man was beautiful. Quite possibly the most beautiful man Alec had ever seen. He wore a trim cut, all black suit and he had a silver streak cutting through his jet black coif. His eyelids were dusted in black glittery shadow and heavily lined in black which made the dark brown of his eyes appear even darker. 

“Alec, I would like for you to meet Magnus Bane. Magnus, this is a close friend of mine, Alec Lightwood.” Victor’s introduction drew Alec back to the moment and he gave Victor a quick glance, hoping he wouldn’t find a look on his face telling him he knew what he was thinking. Instead Victor took a step back and quickly flitted off to find someone else to talk to.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Alec said, focusing his attention back on Magnus and extending his hand out. 

Magnus looked down at his hand and smiled pleasantly before taking it and giving it a firm shake. “The pleasure is all mine.”

Magnus wore rings on almost every finger but they somehow didn’t feel cluttered in his own hand. Instead his hand fit perfectly against Alec’s own, the rings cool against the pads of his palms. Magnus’ nails were painted black to match his outfit and he had several layers of beaded bracelets peeking out from underneath his shirt sleeve. Alec wondered how many tiny details he would find if he really took the time to study him.

“Victor says you’re interested in my work?” Alec asked, hoping to keep things professional because if he didn't he would start focusing on how Magnus was more beautiful than any of the art in this entire gallery. And he really didn’t need to let his mind go there. 

Magnus’ face straightened and he let go of his hold on Alec’s hand. “He tells me you work with foster care?”

“Yeah, I’m a social worker and like I just told him, it’s not the most glamorous work but I love it and I feel like I’m making a difference. Maybe it’s just a small one but anything helps, right?”

Magnus smiled— a bright smile that lit up his face and, Alec would never admit it, took his breath away. “A social worker who cares makes a world of difference. Trust me.”

“Do you work in the field?” Alec found this topic of conversation easy. Normally these parties were full of trite conversation that Alec had to force himself to participate in and hardly anyone ever asked about his job or his life. He was mainly there as Raj’s support and was hardly ever given a second glance. So Alec found himself relaxing into this conversation. It was what he knew best and it was something he loved, which in turn made it easy for him to talk about, even with a stranger. 

Magnus shook his head. “No, but I was in the foster system from the age of ten to the age of fifteen which is when I found what ended up being a permanent foster home until I was of age. My caseworker cared and loved what she did though. She worked hard to find me a home with a perfect family and I swear some nights she didn’t even sleep because she was so busy helping me out of every sticky situation I found myself in.” Magnus giggled. “I must admit, I wasn’t the easiest teen to foster.”

“Ah. You were one of _those_ ,” Alec goaded playfully. 

Magnus chuckled as he sipped his wine. “I was one of _those_.”

Alec laughed along with him. “I have a few I’m working with, trying to get them in good homes, despite their efforts to make me think they don’t care. I know they do or they will. Their happiness is my number one priority so it makes the sleepless nights and long days worth it when I see them flourishing in the right family.”

“Your kids are lucky to have you then.” Magnus stated it so simply, as if he believed it without a shadow of a doubt despite only having known Alec for a few minutes.

Alec gave Magnus a grateful nod. He never knew how to respond to anything resembling praise. He cleared his throat, wanting to direct the subject away from him.

“Victor mentioned you were starting a program to involve local teens in the arts after school? That’s why he brought me over here, I wanted to see if I could offer my services. I own a small music school and I’ve been looking to start an after school slash summer program to give back to the community. And since this is something near and dear to my heart, I figured it wouldn't hurt to at least talk to you about it.”

“Yeah, that would be amazing! The program has sort of come to a halt these past few months because, believe it or not, not a lot of businesses are willing to offer their peak hours pro bono.”

Magnus tipped his head and shrugged. “Their loss.”

“Yeah.” 

Okay. Alec couldn't deny it. He liked this guy. Anyone who cared about children in the foster system enough to do something like this was a winner in his book. Plus he seemed incredibly easy to talk to and to get along with— this would perhaps be one of the easiest working relationships he would ever have. 

“So what are your big plans for this program?” Magnus asked.

“Oh, well I don’t really have all the information here with me but if we could get together sometime this week, maybe we can discuss the details over coffee?”

Magnus straightened up with a smirk. “You know, if you wanted to ask me on a date…”

“Oh god. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for that to come off that way— no— it’s not a date— I’m in a relationship—”

Magnus laughed and held up his finger to silence him. “I’m only teasing. I know what you meant. Coffee sounds lovely.”

Magnus dug into the breast pocket of his suit jacket and pulled out a business card. “This has my personal cell on it. Call or text and we can set something up?”

Alec pocketed the card and pulled out one of his own. “Yes, I’ll do that. Here’s mine if you need to get in touch with me before I get the chance to set this up.”

Magnus slid the card into his suit pocket and had another sip of his champagne. “You don’t strike me as the type who comes to these uppity gatherings of your own volition.”

“I strike you correct,” Alec replied, leaning an elbow against the high-top table beside them.

“So what brings you here? Your friendship with Victor?”

Alec shook his head and looked over the crowd, searching for Raj. He found him standing by a large art piece that was a mess of angry red and black streaks. He pointed him out and Magnus craned his neck to follow his line of sight. “My boyfriend, Raj, owns this gallery with Victor. I’m here for him.”

Magnus smiled and flicked his brows in approval. “Handsome. And how very thoughtful of you.”

Alec shrugged. “It makes him happy and I get to stand here drinking free champagne and eating expensive finger foods. Win-win, right?”

Magnus laughed, louder this time and Alec couldn't help but smile at the sound.

“What about you? Are you the uppity type who likes to come to these things and bid on overpriced art?” Once the words left his mouth, Alec desperately hoped he was right in this assumption. The last thing he wanted to do was offend a potential business partner and even a potential friend.

Magnus grimaced. “I love art but I’m not a fan of these silent auctions. I’m here for…”

Magnus looked over the crowd for a moment and then turned to Alec with a frown. “Well I can’t find her right at this moment but I’m here with my girlfriend Camille. She’s very much into the uppity silent bidding of overpriced art.”

“Did I hear someone say ‘overpriced art’?” Raj asked, a laugh in his voice and a pointed glare at Alec.

Alec held his hands up and shook his head.

Magnus scoffed and cut his eyes at Alec behind Raj’s back. When Raj turned back to face him, Magnus put on a wide smile. “It seems I’ve been caught.”

Raj acted offended and then glared at Alec again. “Is this the rich older man you’re planning on replacing me with? I’m offended he thinks our art is overpriced.”

It was Magnus’ turn to scoff theatrically. “Now I’m offended that you assume I’m older.”

Raj put his hand over his mouth, a shocked expression on his face. “I blame it on the champagne. Alec, you know you can’t let me have more than two glasses or else I become a loose-lipped mess.”

Alec hit his palm against his forehead. “Magnus, this is Raj. Raj, this is Magnus Bane. We just met, thanks to Victor, and he’s interested in offering up his music school for the arts program I’ve been trying to set up.”

Raj’s playful expression dropped quickly and he put on his professional persona instead. “That’s wonderful! I’m sorry about the comments. I saw you two laughing over here and I just assumed you were someone Alec’s known longer than...tonight.”

Raj grimaced as if he had just messed up Alec’s chances completely but Magnus was quick to wave him off with a laugh. “No worries. It’s nice to see the real side of people when considering going into business with them. If Alec were as stuffy as he seemed standing here all broody in his corner, I may not be so inclined to offer up my services.”

Alec crossed his arms and leveled his gaze on Magnus. “I don’t brood.”

Raj laughed loudly looking between the two of them. “Oh I think this business partnership is going to be great. Alec needs someone to keep him on his toes and challenge him when he’s being such a Stubborn Stan.”

Magnus grinned. 

“Well, I need to be off and continue the charming of my guests.” Raj waved at Magnus as he stepped away. “Nice to meet you!”

Raj ran away and quickly joined another group.

Magnus finished off his champagne. “He seems like a great guy.”

“He is.” Alec took a moment to finish off his drink and then pointed at Magnus’ empty glass. “Can I get you another?”

Magnus looked at his empty cup and nodded. “Yes, champagne sounds perfect.”

Alec smiled and looked around for a server. “I’ll go get us some.”

“Don’t disappear on me,” he threw in for good measure.

Magnus smiled widely. “I wouldn't dream of it.”

“Good.” Alec’s stomach flipped as he backed away. He coughed in an attempt to jolt the butterfly feeling in his stomach away. He needed to turn this reaction off immediately. 

He wandered through some crowds before finally spotting a banquet server with a full tray of champagne flutes. 

“What are you doing?”

Alec jumped at Maia’s voice that came creeping over his shoulder. “Maia, you scared the shit out of me.”

“You’re in a crowd of people. Why so jumpy?” she asked teasingly, popping a small pastry in her mouth.

“I’m not jumpy,” Alec countered, lowering the champagne glasses.

“That for me?” Maia asked, reaching out for one of the flutes. 

“No.” He quickly pulled back from her and glanced over at the other end of the gallery where Magnus was waiting for him.

Maia’s brows jumped up in surprise and then lowered in suspicion. “No? Who’s it for then?”

Alec licked his lips and swallowed nervously. Why was he nervous? He was just talking to someone about work, there was nothing to be nervous about. Except maybe the fact Maia could read him like a magazine and would quickly call him out the second she laid eyes Magnus.

He was allowed to appreciate someone’s beauty. There was no sin in that. 

He shifted and cleared his throat. “This guy. He’s uh— interested in helping me with my arts program for teens.”

“Ah. Some guy,” she repeated. 

“Yeah. Sorry to bail on you like this but it’s kind of important and work related. Do you hate me?”

Maia narrowed her eye on him and then smirked. “I guess not. Work’s important after all. But if you’re done with me here, I’m going to go stuff some fancy, tiny snacks into my fancy, tiny purse and take them home to Si. Cool?”

“Be my guest.”

“Call me tomorrow and tell me all about mystery guy and his gallant offer to help you with your program.” 

“Shut up. It’s not like that.”

“I didn’t say it was like anything, Alec,” she sang teasingly as she walked away from him, waving her hand goodbye over her shoulder.

By the time Alec made his way back to Magnus, he was sure he would be gone. The crowd was ridiculously difficult to push his way through while trying not to spill their champagne.

He found the corner they had been in and was relieved to see Magnus standing there, waiting on him.

“I thought for sure you had bailed on me, Alexander,” Magnus whined and the disappointed tone in his voice was enough to make Alec’s heart race a few beats faster than normal.

“I would never,” Alec asserted, holding out the drink as an offering.

“Good.” Magnus smiled over his glass, his nose crinkling from the bubbles rising from the bottom.

Alec sniggered and tried to hide it by sipping at his champagne, though he was sure the smile plastered on his face gave him away entirely. 

Magnus squinted his eye at him as he turned his cup up against his lips.

They went on to talk about Magnus’ music school and how he had gotten into the field. Which, Alec learned, was thanks to his foster parents and their love for the arts. They had put him in piano lessons and violin lessons and Magnus had fallen in love with all forms of music. He had opened up a school with his foster brother, Raphael, who was in charge of the violin lessons at their school. 

Magnus was now telling him some of his wild stories as a teen in foster care and all the trouble he managed to find himself in and Alec could find himself sympathizing with the caseworkers who had to deal with Magnus in his adolescence. 

“I kinda want to go back in time and file a transfer request form for your poor caseworker,” Alec joked, laughing so hard his sides were beginning to hurt.

Magnus scoffed. “I was not _that_ bad.”

“Sure, whatever you say,” Alec quipped.

A tall, thin woman with long black hair approached them and stopped with her hand on her hip. “How did I know I would find you flirting with a cute boy?” she sneered.

Alec didn’t fail to notice the way Magnus cringed as he turned to face the woman. “Camille, I see you’re done. Did you win what you wanted?"

Camille rolled her eyes, ignoring Magnus’ question and directed her cold gaze on Alec. “Who’s this?”

Magnus stepped forward. “Oh, Camille, this is Alec Lightwood. He’s a social worker I’m going to be working with on setting up a music program for teens in foster care.”

Camille’s lips turned up in a sly grin. “How lucky for you he just so happens to be tall, dark, and handsome. Just how you like them, right?”

“Camille,” Magnus warned under his breath. 

Alec looked away from them, silently wishing he could disappear through a crack in the floor to get out of this conversation. He could see the discomfort replace Magnus’ previously relaxed stance and he wanted to help but he didn’t know how he could considering he hardly knew them and it was not his place to intervene in the workings of their relationship. He figured he could try to diffuse the situation with kindness. Normally, he would bite back with a cut-throat comment but that probably wasn’t the best way to go when trying to build a professional bridge with Magnus. 

“It’s great to meet you, Camille. Magnus was telling me all about you,” he lied and seriously hoped she would not question him further on this because he would absolutely come up short. Magnus had not spoken of her at all ever since his initial mention of her existence. 

“Right.” She rolled her eyes and looked at Magnus over her shoulder. “I’m bored and through here. Let’s go home.”

Magnus smiled at her through pressed lips and set his empty champagne glass on the table beside them. 

“Yeah, don’t let me keep you,” Alec said lightly even though he hated to see Magnus go. They had been having such a good time and it was nice to have found a friend in this place. 

Magnus waved at Alec as Camille took his arm. “I look forward to hearing from you about the project.”

“I’ll call you,” Alec said with a wave as he watched Magnus walk away from him.


	2. 2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the amazing response to this fic yesterday! I honestly didn't know what to expect but you all have been so supportive and I'm so grateful :D
> 
> here goes Day 2, another chapter! (posting early today for Ace! Hope you feel better!)
> 
> Happy reading!!

Alec couldn’t find the file he was one hundred percent certain he just had in his hands not even ten minutes ago. He moved books aside and rifled through the loose mail scattered across the counter top. 

“Alec, have you seen my—” Raj entered the kitchen and stopped mid-sentence, his eyes wide as he took in the scene of a frantic Alec rushing around and moving everything he could touch. “Never mind, it looks like you might need my help more. What are you looking for?”

“I can’t find my—” Alec turned suddenly, his elbow knocking over the paper towel holder. “Fuck!” 

Raj knelt down to pick up the fallen item, beating Alec to it. 

Alec began opening the drawers one-by-one, slamming them shut when they turned up empty of what he was looking for.

“Alec, Alec, Alec, calm down. What are you looking for?” Raj settled his hands on each of Alec’s shoulders, applying a pressure meant to calm him and keep him in place.

“I’m meeting up with Magnus Bane today about the music program and I can’t find my file with the information in it. I just had it.” Alec shrugged his shoulders to remove Raj’s hold on him and resume his search. 

“What does it look like?” Raj asked, lowering his hands back down by his side.

“It’s a light green folder.” Alec scratched at the nape of his neck and gave the kitchen a quick once over unsure where to start next.

“Okay, I’ll check the living room,” Raj said.

Alec began to open the cabinets. Why the folder would be beside the cereal boxes and canned goods, he didn’t know, but he was running out of ideas on where it could be. He let out a sigh. Unsurprisingly the file wasn’t there. 

He checked the time on his watch. 

“Son of a bitch,” he whispered. He had fifteen minutes to get to the cafe and still be early enough to order their drinks like he had promised when he asked Magnus for his drink order this morning over text. He was the one who had set up this meeting and he couldn’t afford to miss out on Magnus’ business because he was careless enough to lose part of his presentation.

“Found it!” Raj called from the front room.

Alec ran into the room to find Raj standing by the front door, green folder in hand. He sighed loudly, relief washing over him. “Where was it?”

“It seems you were ahead of yourself. It was on the floor by your boots.” Raj smiled and handed the folder over to Alec.

“I did put it there,” he said, remembering he had dropped it there on his way to the kitchen so he wouldn’t forget it when it was time to leave. He blamed his forgetfulness on being distracted while on the phone with Isabelle all morning, having to listen to her complain about the  _ ‘useless, brainless, waste of space interns’ _ she had working for her in her lab.

Alec stepped into his boots, forcing his foot past the tied laces. He grabbed his coat and opened the door. “Thanks. Wish me luck.”

Raj coughed quietly and tapped on his cheek. His gentle way of reminding Alec he had forgotten, yet again, to kiss him goodbye. 

“Sorry, I’m in a hurry.” Alec gave Raj a quick peck on his cheek.

Raj fanned Alec out the door. “Magnus seemed like a great guy, I’m sure the meeting will go perfectly. Text me later, I love you!”

“Sure, love you too.” Alec closed the door behind him and ran.

* * *

 

 

Alec had placed his order and was waiting by the counter when he heard the bell chime on the door to the cafe. He looked over the heads of the other patrons and spotted Magnus standing there, craning his neck in search of Alec. 

Alec raised his hand and waved. “Magnus!”

Magnus looked over, his eyes finding Alec instantly, his mouth splitting into a smile as he mouthed  _ ‘hey’  _ in greeting. That smile— it roused the slumbering butterflies inside him, they fluttered rapidly as Magnus weaved his way through the patrons. Alec drew in a deep breath, filling his lungs as he silently cursed the damn butterflies and all the gods out there who made it to where the one person interested in helping him was fucking perfection in human form.

“Alec!” the barista called his name and it did well to drive away the fluttering feeling inside him now that Magnus had reached him.

“Grab us a table and I’ll get the drinks,” Alec instructed Magnus who was quick to give him a nod and an  _ ‘on it!’ _ in response.

Alec pushed his way through the waiting crowd and grabbed the two drinks meant for him. He spotted Magnus sitting at a table against the window in the back. The drinks were hot and soothing in his hands which helped to ease the nerves he had at presenting his project to Magnus. He remembered his last chat with Magnus— how easy going he had been and so Alec did his best to channel that. 

He could do this.

“A cappuccino for my savior,” Alec announced, taking on a deep, haughty voice. All ease leaving him at once when he noticed the confusion pass over Magnus’ face. He had to hold himself back from slapping himself on the forehead for always saying stupid shit. 

“I only mean because you’re offering to help with my program,” Alec explained, clearing his throat and returning his voice back to normal as he took the seat across from Magnus.

“Ah! Of course.” Magnus wrapped his hands around the steaming cup and pulled it closer to him. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Oh! And before I forget”—Alec held his cup up in a toast—“Happy New Year, Magnus.”

Magnus perked up and tapped his cup against Alec’s. “Happy New Year, Alexander. I thought you would never call.”

Alec sipped at his coffee and winced when it burned against his lips. “Christmas is a busy time of year for work. I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologize.” Magnus gestured with his chin to Alec’s drink. “What’s your vice?”

Alec looked at his cup and laughed tiredly. “Today it’s a Red Eye.”

Magnus’ brows dropped worriedly. “Long night?”

Alec rubbed at his eyes and prayed he didn’t have bags as dark as his coffee. Not when Magnus was sitting here, perfectly made up and looking as if he just had all the beauty sleep in the world. “Yeah, I had a teen runaway last night. Called me from a payphone on Staten Island at three in the morning asking me to pick him up.”

“I hope they were okay.”

Alec nodded as he attempted to drink his coffee again, slower this time.

“I’m honestly surprised payphones still exist,” Magnus said.

“Right?” Alec chuckled. “Anyway, long story short, I picked him up and spent the following couple of hours trying to find him a temporary foster home.” 

Magnus’ brows dropped even lower in his concern, a small wrinkle forming between his brows, and he moved in his seat as if to leave. “We can reschedule this. You should go home and get some sleep.” 

Alec reached out and placed his hand on Magnus’ forearm to stop him from leaving. The impulse was unlike him and he swallowed back the panic building up in his throat because there was no way to take it back now. 

“I’m fine,” he choked out.

Magnus glanced down at Alec’s hand— his imposing and out of control hand that was still holding onto him. Hot embarrassment swelled inside of Alec and he was acutely aware of every nerve ending in his now sweating palm. Alec let out a slow, stuttering breath while he let his hand glide down Magnus’ arm, the wool of the coat scratching against his skin, Magnus’ muscles tensing as he passed over them. He reached the end of his arm, his fingertips catching slightly on the many bracelets Magnus wore before he let his hand fall to the table.

Alec held his breath, his heart pounding loudly in his ears as he waited for Magnus to inevitably run away or punch him in the face for invading his personal space. It would be well deserved— he had been completely out of line. 

Magnus' adam’s apple bobbed slowly up and then down as he kept his eyes trained on his arm where Alec’s hand had just been. His jaw flexed and then suddenly, one of his brows quirked up and all worry was gone when he narrowed an eye on Alec. “You’re not one of those people who says  _ ‘I’m fine _ ’ when they’re clearly  _ not fine _ , are you?”

Alec let out a shaky laugh and took a sip of his coffee to finish off the last edge of his nerves. “Are you implying that I look ‘not fine’?”

Magnus smirked, a playful glint in his eyes that erased the last trace of lingering anxiety in Alec’s chest. Perhaps he hadn’t screwed up their entire working relationship with that one touch. 

Magnus relaxed and removed his coat, draping it over the back of his chair.

“Not at all. I would have never known you’d spent your night valiantly saving a child from the dangerous streets of Staten Island.” The sarcasm was not lost on Alec but neither was the honesty in Magnus’ admission. “You must tell me your beauty regime and how it manages to keep you looking so refreshed even in the face of sleepless nights.”

Alec laughed and shrugged. “Cold water?”

Magnus tutted. “If only we could all be so lucky.”

He flashed another smiling glance at Alec and sipped at his cappuccino. When he set the drink down he had a thin line of foam across the bow of his lip that he quickly licked away as he crossed his arms on the table top. “Seriously though, if we need to reschedule so you can get some rest, I don’t mind. You’re not going to scare me away from this project.”

“No, I’m good. Don't worry about me, I’ll sleep when I’m dead,” Alec said with a dismissive flick of his brow and a smirk. 

Magnus huffed and Alec smiled at the eyeroll his comment elicited from Magnus. 

“You’re a stubborn one, Alexander,” Magnus lamented as he leaned back comfortably in his seat, breaking his business-like posture from just a moment ago. 

“Mm.” Alec swallowed his mouthful of coffee and leaned back against the window, crossing his legs to match Magnus’ posture. “Why do you assume my name is Alexander?” 

“A wild guess,” Magnus picked up his cup with a flutter of his fingers and a questioning brow. “Am I wrong in my assumption?”

Alec’s lips twitched into a smile as he watched Magnus’ fingers dance along the rim of his cup. “No. Just nobody has called me that in a long time.”

“Should I stop?”

“No, you can call me whatever you want,” Alec responded, perhaps too quickly. 

He closed his eyes and did his best to hold back his groan. How many times could he embarrass himself in one meeting? He turned to look distractedly out the window at the commuters walking past, desperately trying to avoid eye contact.

“Whatever I want? How generous of you... _ Alexander _ ,” Magnus teased, emphasizing his name with a deep, sultry tone, causing a flush to spread across the bridge of Alec’s nose.

He hated how his body was having this reaction to Magnus. Behaving like a teenager, as if he’d never seen a beautiful man before or as if he’d never been playfully flirted with before. He rolled his eyes dismissively and hoped it would be enough to distract Magnus from noticing the blush that had most definitely began to spread, threatening to turn his entire face as red as a tomato. 

He dared a look back only to find the apples of Magnus’ cheeks rounded in a smile he was trying—and failing—to hide by sipping his drink. He was enjoying the tease too much which meant he had definitely noticed Alec’s blush given the amusement dancing in his eyes.

Alec swallowed roughly. He shouldn’t let himself react this way. Magnus was in a relationship.  _ He _ was in a relationship —with Raj— he loved Raj. He willed the butterflies in his stomach to go away and quickly decided that would be the last time he would allow himself to notice Magnus in  _ that _ way. He needed to keep this strictly professional. Friendliness was okay, he could do with a good work friendship. But any other thoughts on Magnus and how good he looked in his well-fitted moth printed shirt were unwelcome. 

Alec forced his eyes to stay on Magnus’ face. “Interesting shirt. It has...insects on it. I like it.”

Magnus glanced down at his shirt and then back up at Alec, eyeing him suspiciously. “Are you making fun of me?”

“What? No, nev— No it was a compli— I was trying to— I was complimenting you. It's a nice shirt—different—but nice,” Alec stuttered out the string of incoherent half-words, as he was known to do when nervous.

He  _ really _ wished he could stop embarrassing himself.

Magnus grinned and tipped his chin up proudly. “In that case, thank you.”

Magnus toyed with a black beaded bracelet on his wrist. “This shirt always ends up being a conversation piece when I wear it.”

“Is that why you wear it?” Alec asked. 

Magnus stopped to think about this for a moment before giving in with a shrug. “Maybe I did wear it for that reason today. Maybe subconsciously I was terrified this meeting would be an absolute disaster and I would have to rely on my trusty moths to save the day.”

Alec cringed. “I stole your plan B? Did you have a C because this meeting is technically still in the baby stages and there's plenty of time for things to go downhill.”

Magnus laughed boldly and threw his head back. “Please don't make me pull out plan C, it won't be pretty.”

Alec smirked. “Now I'm intrigued.” 

“None of that. I'm determined to keep this meeting on the smooth sails of Plan A.”

“Which was?”

Magnus flipped his hand out dramatically. “Us naturally getting along and everything falling perfectly into place without more than one and a half awkward pauses.”

“One and a half?” 

“One and a half,” Magnus repeated. 

Alec mulled this over. So far conversation with Magnus was pretty easy and he found the more they talked the easier it was. More conversation meant less time for him to focus on things like Magnus’ biceps fitting snugly in their sleeves. He pushed the thoughts away again. “I think we can manage that. Surely we can, right?”

Magnus nodded encouragingly. “We’ve got this in the bag.”

Their laughter died down and silence settled as they both drank from their still hot drinks. The mood felt light and easy, so much so Alec had nearly forgotten his nerves from earlier. Yes, he had flubbed a few times, that was to be expected from him. Alec was nothing if not awkward during most first encounters. But seeing how relaxed and at ease Magnus was at this point gave Alec the confidence to believe there was no way Magnus would hate his plans for the program. Even if he did, Alec was sure he would probably offer his opinion in a way which wouldn't make Alec feel as if all his hard work was for nothing. He may not have known Magnus longer than one night, one phone call, and four text messages over the span of six weeks; but he was pretty sure Magnus would always be helpful and gentle with his suggestions. 

Magnus set his cup down. “We’re teetering awfully close to that awkward silence half mark.”

Alec wiped his mouth with his napkin and tried to think of what he could say next. Small talk had never been his forte and Magnus seemed to be waiting for him to take the lead in their conversation. He was fully relaxed in his seat, unbuttoning his sleeves and rolling them in clean folds up to his elbows. 

Alec sucked in a breath as he watched the corded muscles in Magnus’ forearms flex with every flick of his wrist and dance with every graceful movement of his fingers. 

Nope. Not going there.

“Uh—okay. How—uh—how's Camille doing? I hope she enjoyed herself at the auction. Did she receive the piece she won? Or did she not win a piece? I can’t remember,” Alec stammered scratching at the scar in his brow.

He exhaled with relief. Crisis averted. Bringing up Magnus’ beautiful girlfriend was just what Alec needed to do. The perfect way to set his mind back on track even though, deep down, he hated himself for going straight to this topic as well for the annoying reminder of her existence. 

Magnus’ posture stiffened and as if by some instinct the mere mention of Camille’s name triggered, he glanced down to check the time on his watch. “She's well and yes, she received her ridiculously”—Magnus made air quotations—“overpriced art.” He paused, taking his lower lip between his teeth as he nervously adjusted the watch on his wrist. “About Camille though...I’ve been meaning to apologize… for how she behaved that night.”

The tension at the table thickened. Now Alec really hated himself, apparently bringing her up had not been the best decision—draining the lighthearted happiness Magnus had only a moment ago. 

“You really don’t have to apologize,” Alec said and he hoped Magnus caught the sincerity in his tone. He remembered with perfect clarity the way she had behaved and he should have known better than to ask about her. 

“No, I do. She was out of line,” Magnus said resolutely, embarrassment shadowing his eyes for having to apologize to what was essentially a perfect stranger for his girlfriend’s behavior. 

Alec relented with a shrug he hoped conveyed that this wasn't a big deal and that he would never hold her behavior against him. “Is she often so...jealous?”

Magnus’ eyes widened for the briefest of flashes and his hands clutched onto his drink a little tighter as he glanced down at his watch again. 

“Shit. I’m sorry, Magnus, that was incredibly uncouth of me. Just—” Alec scratched nervously at his stubbled face and scoffed at himself. “Just— Can we forget I said that? I’m sorry.” 

Magnus leaned forward in his seat, resting his elbows on the table. “No, it’s okay. She was the one who was uncouth when she said those things in front of you. But to answer your question, yes, she can be a bit jealous.” Magnus frowned. “Honestly, ‘a bit’ is putting it mildly, even though I’ve never given her a reason not to trust me. But I guess some prejudices are hard to break in people.”

Alec adjusted his position in his seat and joined Magnus by leaning forward on the table. “What do you mean?”

“You know the one—if you’re bisexual, it must mean you’re a cheating lothario.” Magnus huffed out a laugh Alec could tell was used as a shield to hide how this assumption about him truly affected him. 

“That’s...bullshit.” Alec’s hand clenched around his cup. He knew all too well the stereotypes people liked to throw around when it came to sexualities. His parents had been that way, and they had treated Raj that way as well. It took them a while to get used to the reality that their son was not what they had hoped for but every now and then they would say something to show their ignorance. It hurt every time and the pain never got any easier.

Alec looked back down at his coffee as if it held the answers he needed on how he could possibly lighten the mood or bring Magnus a bit of happiness after having been so truthful.

Magnus’ hand reached across the table and rested lightly against Alec’s wrist—fingertips barely brushing against his skin. Despite the lightness of the touch, it burned into Alec’s skin, triggering a spark that ran up the length of his arm and into his chest, waking his heartbeat.

Magnus’ face softened. “Look—I would rather not discuss my relationship with Camille whenever we meet. Let’s just focus on bettering the lives of some teens, okay?”

Alec gave him a quick nod and a smile that would hopefully put Magnus at ease so they could move forward comfortably. “We can definitely do that.”

Magnus withdrew his hand and placed it back around the base of his cup. Alec drew in a steady breath, flexing his wrist to pop and shake the lingering feeling of Magnus’ touch. He opened the file he had spent his morning stressing over and slid it across the table toward Magnus. He carefully went over his idea, the obstacles he’d come up against in trying to set it up, the budget, his marketing strategy, and everything else he had meticulously organized and researched.

He pulled out the last page in the folder and placed it to where Magnus could read it. “Here is a list of the teens who are interested...well, as of now. I’m sure more will sign up once we are able to spread the word through the agencies that the program has the greenlight.”

Magnus checked his watch again, a quick glance Alec only caught because he had been watching Magnus, trying in vain to gauge his reaction to the project by his body language. 

He picked up the list Alec had presented to him and a warm happiness rose in Alec’s chest when he saw the grin slowly beginning to form on Magnus’ face. “Alexander, this is amazing! The program isn’t even in place yet and you already have  _ fifteen _ teens who are willing to make the commitment.”

One corner of Alec’s mouth pulled up into a smile and he drew his shoulders back proudly. “These teens want a better life for themselves and most never get the opportunity to learn how to play an instrument because they usually stay in foster care until they’re adults. Music lessons for foster children isn’t often something most foster parents can afford. This could be a chance for them. A way to bring them some happiness in an otherwise unhappy situation.”

“You’re absolutely right.” Magnus closed the file and looked up at Alec again. His eyes glistened with unshed tears despite the smile tugging softly at his lips. “This is amazing. You’re amazing.” 

Alec’s heart skipped at the praise. He opened his mouth to try and explain how he was only doing his job but stopped when Magnus sniffed back some tears. 

“I wish someone had cared enough to make a program like this when I was in the system. I was fortunate enough to have a foster home filled with instruments and talented people who were willing to teach me but that wasn't until I turned fifteen. Before then...let’s just say it would have been good to have something to look forward to every week. And maybe it would have kept me out of some of the trouble I often found myself in.” 

“Yeah, I could do with a few less Magnuses to deal with right now,” Alec jested with a chuckle.

Magnus laughed—a hearty laugh that filled the air with its pleasant sound and Alec found he enjoyed making Magnus laugh like this. This laugh that made Magnus’ eyes light up, his wide smile forming the softest crinkles on the outer corner of each eye, each sound coming out loud and breathy with the force of his laughter.

The moment was cut short by the sharp ping of Magnus’ phone alerting him of a message. Camille’s name flashed on the screen and Magnus’ entire posture changed, the joy with which he laughed now gone in an instant.

Magnus checked his watch again and then checked the message on his phone.

Alec got the sense that Magnus’ time was limited and he hated the thought that it could be because of Camille. He hoped he was wrong. Magnus was probably a busy guy. Owning a music school had to be time-consuming and Alec figured he had already spared enough of his time to be with him this morning. 

“If you need to go—” Alec began.

Magnus quickly tucked his phone into the pocket of his coat that was still draped over the back of his chair. “No, no, it’s fine.”

“Magnus, we can always catch up on this another time. You’ve got a business to attend to, I get it.”

Disappointment settled on Magnus’ features and his shoulders slumped forward as if admitting defeat in the argument.

“I probably should run,” he croaked out regretfully. His mouth turned down in a frown. “I just hate to cut our time so short, I feel as if there is a lot more we probably should have discussed.”

Alec tipped his head to the side, agreeing with Magnus. “We’ll make better use of our time next time. Don’t worry about it. Go teach kids and adults the joy of music.”

Magnus stood up from his seat and pulled on his coat. “And  _ you _ go better the lives of our city’s teens.”

Alec huffed out a laugh. “I’ll do my best.”

“Your best is more than enough,” Magnus said, his lips curling into a smile, his eyes never breaking their contact with Alec’s. With their open honesty, Magnus’ eyes were truly the windows to his soul. When he looked at him, there was no hint of a facade, no lies. The vulnerability in his eyes was beautiful and sad all at once. His every emotion was there for the taking and it scared Alec to think his face could possibly reveal the same about him. 

“I should go,” Magnus breathed out quietly.

“Right. I guess I’ll see you later,” Alec said as Magnus backed away from him slowly. 

Magnus nodded. “See you later.” He turned away with a smile on his face and headed for the exit.

Alec expelled a long breath. The air suddenly thinner and easier to breathe in. 

Why was it so hard to breathe around Magnus? 

He gathered up the papers, sorting them back into the folder with trembling hands. 

“Quit being ridiculous,” he muttered quietly to himself, shaking his hands out.

“Alexander!”

Alec looked up, his eyes scanning the busy shop for Magnus. He spotted him by the exit, his back pressed against the door and waving a hand trying to catch his attention.

Alec stood so he could get a better look at him from the higher vantage point. He checked the table on his way up just to be sure Magnus hadn’t left something behind. There was nothing there but the file and a folded napkin. 

He was about to cut his way through the crowd when Magnus shouted, “Get some rest!”

Alec laughed. 

“Okay, okay,” he said, waving Magnus off.

Magnus pushed his back against the door to let himself out. His breath hit the cold air, a white puff of heat forming in front of him as he threw a quick wink in Alec’s direction before rushing off and joining the busy city streets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, a big big thank you to Lu and Meg for putting up with me as I wrote this and for their hard work as betas. Love youuuu!
> 
> Now if Magnus could just be a little less beautiful so that Alec could keep his cool around him, that'd be great....
> 
> Until tomorrow ;)
> 
> -xoxo
> 
> J


	3. 3.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! 
> 
> Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to comment, message, or tweet about this fic, it has been so much fun to see all of your reactions. More pining and slow burn coming your way :)
> 
> As promised here is chapter 3!
> 
> Happy reading!!

Alec’s cab pulled up to a halt in front of the brick building. He grabbed the bag of takeout he brought along with him and paid the driver. The historic building with its brick walls and heavy wooden doors gave off a sense of timelessness amidst the bustle of Brooklyn. The hand painted sign on the window read ‘ _ Mystical Notes _ ’ in swirling calligraphy. The location was perfect, just like Magnus had said, the centralized location would make it easy for the teens to arrive on time for lessons. 

The lobby was quiet save for the sound of the jingling bell on the door as he passed over the threshold and of a violin lesson coming from a room down a long hall. No one was behind the desk but Alec was sure he could hear Magnus’ voice coming from behind the closed door to the left of the desk. Alec ambled around the lobby, looking at the different awards and pictures of grinning children standing proudly beside their instruments. The school seemed to offer a wide range of classes and that only served to make Alec more excited to be joining up with Magnus on this endeavor.

Voices suddenly appeared in the lobby and Alec turned in time to see a mother and her young daughter exit a room followed by a man with long black hair. He gestured for the young girl to have a seat at the piano in the lobby before walking her mother over to the front desk. 

Alec watched as the young girl set up her sheet music and then had a seat on the piano bench. She reached up with small hands to set her fingers in position. She began to play the familiar tune of  _ ‘Heart and Soul’ _ . She was set in the right position, her small fingers playing the jaunty melody with a serious concentration. 

The song sparked a memory from when he had learned to play the same tune as a child. He too had learned the right position first before growing into the left position when Isabelle began her lessons and it was his turn to take the lead in the duet with her instead of their instructor. Watching this little girl play ignited an urge to play as well. It had been too long since he had last laid his hands on a piano but this was a song he and Isabelle would sometimes still play together whenever they gathered at Jace’s house. 

He skipped over to the piano bench and had a quick seat beside the little girl and began to play the left position. She glanced up at him, her fingers halting only for a moment before scooting over to make more room for him and resuming their song. 

“Is it okay if I join you?” he asked as he played.

She smiled up at him and nodded once before going back to her focus. 

The song quickly came back to him and he was impressed by how well she was able to keep up with the song and turn the sheet music for them when needed. He was immensely aware of her mother standing by watching them. He hoped she wouldn’t be upset that a strange man had sat down next to her daughter and decided to play a song with her without asking permission. He realized now how creepy it might appear but the young girl seemed to have no qualms.

“What’s your name?” Alec asked her, continuing to play his part.

The young girl tipped her head and made it through the next few keys. “Madzie.”

Alec smiled at her. “Nice to meet you, Madzie. I’m Alec.”

She nodded.

The end of the song was approaching and Alec chuckled as he watched her pleased grin spread widely. Her small fingers moved quickly over the keys and the song ended. She pulled her hands back down into her lap and giggled up at Alec who found himself laughing along with her. 

Applause came from beside them and the little girl was quick to jump up from her bench to give them a curtsy. She tugged on Alec’s sleeve for him to join her. He rose reluctantly from the bench and stood beside the girl, giving a quick bow to their spectators. When he came back up from his bow, he spotted Magnus resting against the wall behind the desk clapping his hands and laughing proudly as he pushed himself off. 

“Bravo, Madzie! And bravo to you too, Alexander!” 

The young girl, Madzie, flashed Magnus a quick smile and then ran to her mother, wrapping her arms around her legs. The mother waved goodbye to the girl’s instructor and Magnus before waving at Alec as they passed by him to leave. 

“Bye, Madzie!” Alec called out after her. 

Magnus was beside him when he turned back around and he was clapping again. “Color me impressed. You never told me you were a natural Liberace.”

“I think you’re more of the Liberace.” Alec laughed and flicked his finger at the billowy sleeve of Magnus’ shirt. “I’m more of a...Chopin.”

Magnus raised his brows, impressed. “That good?”

Alec chewed on his lip and then scrunched his nose in disappointment. “No, not really but let's pretend that I am.”

“Alright, I’ll play along,” Magnus sang sweetly. 

Alec bowed his head. “Thank you for your discretion.”

Magnus bowed back and gave him a wink. “How come you never mentioned that you play?”

Alec shrugged and made his way over to the bench where he left the bag of food. “Because I don’t, not anymore— not really. I took lessons as a child up until high school. Then school, studying, college, and work; not to mention not having the means to put a piano in our not so large apartment kind of put a halt on my playing. It’s been a while now, so I mainly play duets with my sister Isabelle when we feel like goofing around. Jace, my brother, is the true pianist in the family.”

Magnus leaned against the wall and regarded Alec, his eyes scanning down Alec’s arms and stopping on his hands. Alec stilled, holding the bag of Chinese food and suddenly feeling overtly aware that he still hadn’t explained to Magnus why he showed up today bearing Chinese food without invitation. 

Magnus brought his bottom lip between his teeth and smiled warmly, looking back into Alec’s eyes. “You have a talent. If it’s a place to practice that you need, you’re more than welcome to come here any time you want and play.”

Alec’s cheeks warmed. “I don’t know—I really wouldn’t call it a talent—”

Magnus lifted a brow and directed an unimpressed frown in Alec’s direction that shut up him quickly and had him back pedaling to a more appropriate response to his generous offer.

“—but I appreciate the offer. I do. Maybe one day I can make the time.”

“How about right now?” Magnus asked abruptly. He stepped forward and plucked the bag of Chinese food away from Alec with a curious eye that said  _ we will get back to this in a minute _ . He wanted to go ahead and explain but before he could Magnus was already walking away from him and heading towards the piano with the bag of food tucked in the crook of his arm.

“Uh—right now, right now?” The gut wrenching pang of long forgotten stage fright tugged inside of him.

Playing a silly duet with a child or with his sister in the privacy of Jace’s home were one thing; but playing with Magnus? The piano instructor who owned his own music school? That was on a different level and not one that Alec felt confident enough to try.

“Do you have another definition of ‘right now’?” Magnus jested as he took his seat on the bench. He looked at Alec over his shoulder and tipped his head in the direction of the piano. “Don’t be shy. Get over here.”

Alec gulped and crossed the last few steps to have a seat beside Magnus on the piano bench.

“Now, what other duets do you know?” Magnus inquired, turning his body to face Alec as best as he could on the small piano bench.

“Uh—” Alec tried to remember the duets he learned over his years of piano lessons. “I can play a mean Chopsticks.”

Magnus stared at him flatly. “All those years of piano lessons? Don’t try and fool me into thinking that Chopsticks is the best duet you can come up with. You  _ can  _ read sheet music, right?”

Alec looked down at the board and let the memories of all his lessons come back to him. He moved his fingers across the keys, warming up with the scales he had practiced repeatedly as a child. “All those years of piano lessons? You think I  _ didn’t  _ learn how to read music?”

“Okay, wise guy—” Magnus reached on top of the piano and pulled down a book of sheet music. “let’s play”—he paused and flipped through the pages quickly, stopping with a sudden smile—“Mozart Sonata in D.”

Alec scanned over the sheet music and frowned when he saw the difficulty of this piece. “Very funny. Don’t think my rusty fingers could play something that advanced.”

Magnus smirked. “And here I thought you were one who’d love a challenge.”

“I do...I am but I also love not completely embarrassing myself in front of my music teachers,” Alec said, tugging the sheet music out of Magnus’ hands. He dropped the book on top of the piano and gestured for Magnus to try again.

“ _ Fine _ ,” Magnus drawled out, pulling out a different book of music. “How about...Hungarian Dance No. 1?”

Alec leaned over to look at the page Magnus opened up to. “That one sounds vaguely familiar.”

“I’m sure you’ve heard it but just in case, we will let your  _ rusty _ self take the left position to make it a little easier on you.” Magnus grinned devilishly at him, humor glimmering in his eyes right before he looked away to prop up the sheet music so they could both read it. 

Alec huffed and read the first lines of the melody in order to know the correct position in which to put his hands.

Magnus leaned in and nudged Alec with his elbow, whispering out of the corner of his mouth, “You ready to start us off?”

Alec dropped his head side to side in an attempt to loosen himself up. His nerves danced around in his stomach and he inhaled once and let it out slowly as he nodded his head ‘yes’ to Magnus.

The melody was familiar, as were the keys he was positioned to play. The arrangement wasn’t the most difficult but it had been a while since he allowed himself to play any of the classics, and it had been even longer since he had played with anyone who wasn’t family. When Magnus began his notes, the memory of playing this song before came back to him and if he was remembering correctly, this was one of the pieces he played with Jace for a recital they participated in together. A lot of time had passed since then— so much had happened Alec could barely recognize himself or his life anymore. He never imagined he would be in this limbo of uncertainty, not knowing what he wanted for his future, or what he even wanted at this exact moment in time. He had fallen into the routines of day-to-day life, the mundane tasks that could slowly eat away at your happiness and sanity if you let them. 

The slow, somber notes of the melody tugged at the despondency in his heart, flooding his mind with the foreboding thoughts of his future he usually did his best to avoid. He fumbled over the crescendo, his fingers not quite matching the quickening pace of the song like they were supposed to. 

“Shit,” he muttered under his breath. He tensed and focused harder, teeth clamped down on his bottom lip as he picked back up where Magnus was guiding him.

“Relax and just enjoy it,” Magnus whispered, leaning into him and pressing their arms together as he worked his way over closer to Alec’s side. 

It was as if Magnus knew the heat of his touch would be enough to melt the tension that had taken residence in Alec’s body. He relaxed his shoulders and leaned into Magnus. He found comfort in the hard press of Magnus’ shoulder against his, and in the gentle sway when Magnus moved his arms along the board sounding out notes that were light and crisp. His fingers skirting along the tops of the keys in a fluid grace and if it weren’t for the sound coming out, Alec would think he weren’t actually playing at all. Magnus’ manner of playing was more like Jace’s, Alec noted. Jace always had an effortless air to him when he played; whereas Alec and Isabelle played with determination— their fingers pressing assuredly onto each key, demanding the music from them. Jace and Magnus, on the other hand, were gentle, coaxing the music from the instrument in a polite request. 

Alec had always admired Jace’s natural talent but watching Magnus play now, he could tell his talent went beyond natural, as if his hands were made for the ivory keys. Alec chanced a glance at Magnus to find him with his eyes closed, head cocked to the side, his shoulders rising and falling beside his own as he played with his entire body lost to the music. Magnus’ eyes fluttered open suddenly, the deep brown finding Alec immediately. He smiled, the action beginning in his eyes and then pulling his cheeks up until he was grinning widely. 

He continued to play, watching Alec intently with laughter in his eyes. “You play so serious, Alexander.”

“It’s called focus.” Alec smirked and looked away from Magnus, trying his best not to get distracted again; instead focusing on his music and playing his part with extra intention.

“Hmm,” Magnus hummed. 

Alec glanced over and noticed Magnus frown. “What?”

Magnus shrugged his shoulder up and danced his fingers further to the right. “I just don’t know what my piano ever did to you to deserve such rough treatment.”

“What—I’m not—”

Magnus lifted his hand for a moment and rested it softly atop Alec’s. He used it to guide Alec’s hand gently in their position, demonstrating the light pressure he played with. Alec lightened his touch to resemble Magnus’. 

“Just like that,” Magnus breathed out softly, his breath sweeping against the side of Alec’s neck causing the growing hairs to rise on end as a shiver coursed up his spine. 

“See— I knew those hands could be gentle,” Magnus mused proudly, removing his hand from Alec’s and continuing his part of the piece.

Alec groaned. “Yeah, yeah, yeah…”

Magnus chuckled and put his attention back to the piano with a smile toying on his lips. “So...you think you can you keep up, Lightwood?” 

Magnus’ notes picked up quickly as the song drew to an end.

“You bet.” Alec smirked. “I love a challenge.”

Magnus glanced at him, his warm eyes glinting from the challenge. 

Alec leaned into the keys and let his body push the music through him. He kept his hands as light as possible on the board trying to take this advice from Magnus and put it into practice. He could feel Magnus’ eyes still on him as he played and he pressed his lips together, biting down to stop the laughter he felt bubbling in his chest. 

“Stop watching me! This isn’t fair.”

Magnus let out a raucous laugh as he tickled his fingers across the keys in quick succession, the song effortlessly flowing through him. “What’s the problem? Get hot under the collar from an audience?”

The song ended and Alec sat breathless, his heart rummaging heavily in his chest, his hand still burning from the memory of Magnus’ hand on it.

Magnus laughed quietly beside him and Alec shook his head as he laughed along with him.

“That was fun,” Alec finally said once their laughter had died down.

Magnus grinned at him. “I told you you were talented.”

Alec dropped his head back and shook his head with, what he was sure was, a goofy grin on his face.

“Don’t even try to deny it,” Magnus threatened.

The sound of heavy footfalls came from behind them. “Now don’t tell me you two are letting this teriyaki get cold.”

Alec looked over his shoulder to see a tall, dark man approaching them. The smile on his face was probably one of the kindest smiles Alec had ever seen. 

Magnus swiveled around on the bench in a graceful whirl. “And how do you know it’s teriyaki?”

The man’s jovial smile dropped and his expression looked offended. “Magnus, you know I can smell teriyaki a mile away.”

Magnus turned to Alec then, a single brow raised in question to see if Alec would confirm the man’s guess.

Alec completed his turn on the bench and shrugged. “The guy knows his teriyaki.”

The man’s mouth split into a proud grin and he tapped on his nose. “It never fails me.”

Magnus rolled his eyes and tutted. “Because detecting the scent of teriyaki is an incredibly useful skill set.”

“It is. I was hungry and my nose led me straight to the teriyaki.” The man smiled triumphantly at Magnus and then turned to Alec, extending his hand out. “I’m Luke Garroway.”

Alec rose from his seat and shook Luke’s hand. “Alec Lightwood.”

Luke smiled at him again.

“Luke here is our cello instructor, my best friend, and apparently our resident teriyaki locator.” Magnus then gestured at Alec and addressed Luke, “Alexander here is the one I’ve been telling you about.”

Luke’s eyes darted over to Magnus, a silent question in his look, his brow arching up in the smallest fraction.

“You know, the one with the music program we are helping start,” Magnus clarified with a forced smile.

Alec shifted awkwardly. The two friends were obviously silently communicating about something and Alec was unsure what he should do. Continue to watch them and make the situation uncomfortable or look away and pretend he didn’t notice anything? Whatever it was, he was sure he was not meant to be a witness to it.

The question on Luke’s features melted away with his bright smile replacing it. “That’s right! We’re very much looking forward to it. Did you come to check out  _ all _ we have to offer?”

Magnus cleared his throat and crossed his arms.

“Uhh— yeah.” Alec looked away from Magnus and back at Luke. “Yeah, I thought it would be a good idea to stop by and take a tour. And provide lunch for the intrusion,” Alec said, picking up the bag of food that was, thankfully, still warm.

Magnus smiled at Alec. “Let’s go to my office and we can eat before getting started on the tour. We would hate for the teriyaki to get cold.”

Luke patted his stomach and nodded. “That we would.”

Alec swallowed nervously. He didn’t plan on feeding anyone except for himself and Magnus. Now he was unsure if the two orders of teriyaki and dumplings would be enough food. 

Magnus led the way to the office beside the front desk and Alec followed him inside with Luke trailing behind them. 

“Please have a seat and make yourself comfortable.” Magnus gestured at the leather chairs in front of his desk and then set to work at clearing the desk space to make room for the takeout. 

Alec removed the four containers of food. “Two orders of chicken teriyaki and two orders of dumplings— pork and chicken.”

Luke opened a box of teriyaki and served himself on a tiny paper plate. He let them know he wouldn’t be able to stay and chat because he had a lesson starting soon and really only came out because he wanted some teriyaki. Alec found himself laughing at the bickering back-and-forth dynamic Magnus and Luke had and gave Luke another quick handshake and pleasantry before having a seat at the desk to open the dumpling containers. 

“Chicken or pork?” Pork was his favorite but he was determined on being a good guest and letting Magnus have his pick between the two.

“Your grip is awfully strong on that container of pork dumplings, Alexander,” Magnus said with a slight laugh. “Are you going to hate me terribly if I take them away from you?”

Alec laughed and relaxed his grip on the box. “Of course not. Take what you want.”

Magnus hovered his hand over each box, his brown eyes pensive as he fluttered between the two, trying to make his choice. He stopped over the pork dumplings and lifted them hesitantly out of Alec’s hand.

Alec urged them gently into Magnus’ grip. “Take them.”

They caught up over lunch. Magnus telling Alec all about the past two weeks and the upcoming recitals he was preparing students for. It seemed the entire school was prepping for either recitals or competitions and according to Magnus things were a bit hectic around here, although Alec couldn’t tell considering the quiet they were surrounded in now. He could only make out the soft sounds of the cello distantly in the background of their conversation. 

Alec leaned back in his seat, belly full of Chinese food. “So tell me more about your school.”

Magnus wiped his mouth with his napkin and then discarded it in the trash. “Okay. I opened this school with my once foster brother Raphael. He is our head violin instructor.”

“You went into business with your foster brother?” Alec smiled. 

Magnus sat up proudly. “When I said that a good social worker can make a world of difference, Alexander, I meant it. She found me my perfect family and changed my life forever. The work you’re doing is going to touch so many lives and one day there will be adults who tell their friends about their amazing social worker who changed their lives.”

Alec scratched at the back of his head, his cheeks growing warm from Magnus’ words. “I can only hope to have a success story half as good as yours.”

“You will. I know it.” 

“So you’re in business with your brother and Luke, your best friend…” 

Magnus nodded. “We also have Gretel, our guitar instructor; Maureen who teaches drums; and Meliorn is our other piano instructor.”

“Quite the roster you’ve got there. Have they all agreed to help with the program?” 

“Oh yeah, we are all very excited about it around here.” Magnus adjusted himself in his seat, a flash of vulnerability crossing his face. “So what do you think?”

Alec tipped his head. “About what?”

Magnus swallowed and gestured at the lobby through the open door of his office. “Of my school.”

Magnus returned his hands to the desktop and Alec noticed the way he was slowly turning the rings on his fingers with his fidgeting thumb. He was nervous about Alec’s impression of his school. 

Alec smiled at him and hoped it would ease his worry. “It’s perfect.”

Magnus brightened. “You really think so?”

It was evident in the way Magnus talked about his work that he took pride in his school. And he should. The school was more than Alec could have ever hoped for for his program. He honestly felt like this was all still too good to be true—  like he was waiting for the shoe on the other foot to drop and he would go back to being at square one. Never in a million years did he ever dream of finding a school with such a talented and caring staff to host his program. 

“Yes, definitely. Not only is the location perfect, just like you said it would be, but you’re all insanely talented. So I would say you and your school have exceeded my expectations.” He reached out and took hold of Magnus’ arm. “Don’t worry. I love it here and I think the teens will too.”

Magnus relaxed and smiled back at Alec. “Thank you.”  
  


 

_ Magnus: _

_ I’m offended. _

 

_ Alec: _

_ what did I do now?  _

 

_ Magnus:  _

_ Raphael tells me you came by this afternoon to play on my piano… _

 

_ Alec: _

_ In my defense, I had your permission. _

 

_ Magnus: _

_ Yeah. But that offer wasn’t meant for you to come by when I’m not there. Rude. _

 

_ Alec: _

_ Ah. I see. I apologize. I guess I didn’t read that part of the clause. Could you ever forgive me? _

 

_ Magnus:  _

_ I detect sarcasm in your tone, Mr. Lightwood. _

 

_ Alec: _

_ On the contrary, I am wholly genuine with my apology. Please please please forgive me. I have failed you. _

 

_ Magnus: _

_ Let's not be dramatic, Alexander  _

_ I forgive you :) _

 

_ Alec: _

_ Thank god. I could not live with myself if you were angry with me. _

 

_ Magnus: _

_ You’re lucky I like you. _

  
  


Alec stared at the last messages on his text thread with Magnus from the day before. He read over it top to bottom, over and over and over again. They had been talking a lot more ever since their first meeting. Most of their conversations were related to the project but peppered throughout the thread were tiny slices of casual conversation. Small bits of friendship that never ceased to bring a smile to Alec's face. 

The last message from Magnus stared back at him.

_ You’re lucky I like you. You’re lucky I like you. You’re lucky I like you. _

Alec had not responded. For one, he didn’t know what to say— he didn’t know what type of response Magnus was expecting from him or if he was even expecting one at all. Secondly, Alec didn’t even know how he should take the message but given how his heart had sputtered upon reading the words, he thought it best not to push it further. Whatever his reaction would have been, it surely wouldn’t have been something he should say to a man who was in a serious relationship or something he should say given that he was also in a relationship. So he kept it to himself. 

_ I like you too. A lot,  _ he would have said. 

No, it would not do for him to actually put those words out into the universe. They were safe with him. In his head where they wouldn’t hurt anybody, where they would cause no damage, only confusion but he stayed confused these days, or so it seemed. 

“Knock, Knock.” 

The sing-song voice, smooth like a delicious red wine rolled over him and he smiled before even looking up to see exactly who he knew would be standing there.

Magnus stood in the doorway of his office, the rings on his knuckles lightly tapping the wooden doorframe. His hair was styled in its usual coif but the ends were curled slightly in the cute way they normally curled when it was a rainy day. 

“Magnus.” Alec rose from his seat. “Please, come in, have a seat.”

“My, my, such gentlemanly manners.” 

Magnus approached his desk, shoulders swaying in the flirtatious manner he often did without even thinking. Which meant it was more than likely not flirtatious but Alec couldn’t help but think it was or was it that he hoped it was? Either way, Alec flushed—  a physical reaction that was almost instant every time Magnus was around. Instant and completely inconvenient. 

Magnus dropped into the chair positioned in front of Alec’s desk and folded his hands in his lap. Alec could now see the water droplets spattered along the tops of his shoulders— he was right, it had been raining outside. And the fact that Alec could tell the weather just from the way Magnus’ hair curled indicated that perhaps he had been paying too close attention to the other man. 

Magnus was silent as he looked around, taking in the small room Alec called his office. He turned in his seat and stopped to read the framed diplomas Alec kept on his wall. 

Magnus looked beautiful like this. With his hair damp and curling but somehow managing to still hold its style in the soft, effortless way Magnus had to him. He had the ability to make anything look beautiful—breathtaking even—without trying. Not even a rainy day that threatened bad hair days for everyone could take it away from him. The cut of his profile was perfect— all sharp and strong angles. Magnus swallowed, sending a single bead of rain slowly trailing its way down the long length of his neck. 

Alec licked his lips, his mouth and throat suddenly feeling dry. He really needed to take a step back. Being around Magnus, he could feel gravity pulling him down, threatening to take the ground from beneath his feet and send him tumbling down the slippery slope he had found himself on. He wasn’t sure how long he would be able to keep himself from falling but he had to try, no matter how inevitable it felt, he would not go there. 

“All these months of working together and this is the first time I’ve been here. It's nice,” Magnus finally said, turning to Alec with a smile on his face.

Alec forced all previous thoughts away and looked around at the suffocatingly tiny office.

“Sorry it's a bit small in here,” he mumbled as he began to clear away some of the files cluttering his desk. Anything to open the space up a little bit more.

Magnus picked up the framed photograph Alec kept on his desk, it was from his and Raj’s trip to Alaska four years ago. He had been happy then— the smile on his face in the photo reminded him of that. Originally he had placed it there because he loved it, he loved seeing Raj’s smile, he loved this reminder of their love. Now, it only served as a reminder of what he wasn’t anymore. He was no longer the man in the photograph, he was no longer happy, their relationship was not that— not anymore. The reminder hurt but he kept the frame on his desk because he wanted that again; he wanted to see who he had been, what he had, and maybe—just maybe—he could be that man again. Not only for him but for Raj, because Raj deserved to have that back. He also kept it because he was supposed to. This was who he was, it was a representation of what his life was to so many people, why would he take it down? 

Magnus smiled fondly. “No, I like it. It feels homey and warm. Very  _ you _ .”

“Very me. I don’t really know what that’s supposed to mean but thanks?”

Magnus let out a single laugh along with the exasperated sigh he often gave when Alec was being oblivious to something. Like the time they went out for lunch and Magnus had to explain to Alec that the server had been hitting on him. It wasn’t that Alec was entirely oblivious to those things, he just hadn’t been paying any attention to the server whatsoever. Magnus had been wearing a red fitted button up shirt, with suspenders attached to his slim fitted black pants, and he had been so passionately talking about his ideas for their musical program that he had a smile on his face which Alec was pretty sure lit the world up that day. The server could have been holding a flashing sign asking for Alec’s attention and Alec would not have noticed. 

“The worn dark leather, all the photographs of teens you’ve helped, the old man caramels in a bowl,  _ even _ the potted hosta— your office, Alexander, feels”—Magnus closed his eyes breathed in deeply, holding his breath in for a moment and smiling as he exhaled—“warm, comforting, safe. It feels like you.”

Alec stilled and met Magnus’ unwavering gaze. He had not been expecting such a quick analysis on his character. And he found himself, yet again, trying his best not to overthink what Magnus could mean by saying indirectly, that Alec made him feel  _ warm, comforting,  _ and  _ safe _ . 

“Thank you.” The words felt smaller than he intended but Magnus smiled back at him nonetheless. 

Magnus shrugged his coat off, leaving it hanging behind him on his chair. He plucked a gold, foil wrapped caramel from the dish and untwisted the ends to open it. 

Alec cleared his throat. “Those aren’t old man candies for your information. Everyone likes those.”

“Whatever you say.” Magnus popped the caramel in his mouth, the hard candy hitting against his teeth as he sucked on it with a smirk.

Alec clicked his pen to a close and looked away. He wouldn’t get any work done at the moment and chatting with Magnus seemed like a better way to spend his time than the boring paperwork he had been doing all morning. 

“So what brings you here?” 

Magnus ran his fingers along the wooden edge of Alec’s desk. “I was in the area and wanted to see you so I figured I would pop in for a quick chat.”

_ Wanted to see you.  _ Alec’s heart started up again with the irritatingly fast and uneven pace it liked to keep whenever Magnus was around or whenever Magnus looked at him or text him or smiled at him. 

“I’m glad you did. The day was beginning to be too dull for my liking. No dramatics of any kind.”

Magnus gasped, placing a hand on his chest. “No dramatics? That simply won’t do.”

“It won’t. I need you to bring all the extra drama my boring life needs.”

Magnus laughed. “I think that’s a job I can definitely handle.”

“Good.” Alec chuckled. 

Magnus pulled out a folded piece of paper from his pocket. “Actually, while I’m here I can show you the fliers and pamphlets my friend drafted up for us.”

Alec took the page from him and looked over the designs.

“Can you believe our program goes live in a month?”

Alec looked up to find Magnus practically bouncing in his seat from the excitement. He felt it too. He couldn’t believe they had made it this far and soon his dream of making this program would be a reality. And it was all thanks to this man.

“Have I thanked you enough for doing this?”

Magnus nodded. “I wish you would stop. This was your idea and your vision—”

“Yeah but it would be nothing if it weren’t for you stepping in and making it possible.”

Magnus rolled his eyes playfully. “You need to learn to take some credit for the amazing work you do. Let people praise you and tell you how amazing you are. Goodness knows I try, only for my efforts to go unnoticed.”

“They don’t go unnoticed.” One side of Alec’s mouth pulled back into a smile that Magnus returned.

“Good. Now this program, it’s our joint effort. So we both take credit. How about that? We made it happen. Together.”

Alec’s smile grew and he nodded his head reluctantly. “Together. I can go with that.”

They sat there smiling at each other. Alec needed to look away, he shouldn't be staring directly into Magnus’ eyes, getting lost, and smiling at him like this. The stirring in his chest was overwhelming and for a moment he couldn’t breathe.

Magnus cleared his throat and pointed at the pamphlet Alec was still holding. “Do you like the designs? Are they what you envisioned? If you don’t like them, just say the word and I will have them remade— ”

“Magnus.”

Magnus stopped his rambling and waited, worried eyes now looking at Alec.

“Magnus, they’re perfect.”

“Really?”

Alec nodded and handed the paper back to Magnus. “Let’s have them printed and maybe this weekend we can assemble them together. You could come over Saturday morning?”

Magnus paused as he slid the paper back into his pocket. “Come over? As in come over to your apartment?”

“Yeah. I have plenty of floor space for us to do this on.” Tension returned to Magnus’ shoulders. One Alec hadn’t seen since their first meeting at the coffee shop. He had agreed not to mention Camille, it’s what Magnus wanted but Alec couldn’t help but think about how this reaction to his invitation had everything to do with her. “Is that a problem? If so we can find somewhere else—”

“Nope.” Magnus shook his head with a forced chuckle. “Not a problem at all. Text me your address and I’ll be there, bright and early and ready to work.”

“Great. I look forward to it,” Alec said.

“Me too.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D  
> Let me know what you thought! They're getting to know each other more and Alec is a goner although he tries to fight it. There's no fighting off the power of Magnus Bane.
> 
> Feel free to post your reactions using the tag #twisbfic
> 
> last but not least, another huge thank you to Meg and Lu for their help and support <3


	4. 4.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still blown away by the amazing response I've had from you all, thank you so much for all your comments, tweets, and messages! They brighten my day!
> 
> please don't hate me for how this starts or how it ends *runs*
> 
>  
> 
> *Trigger warning for this chapter- evidence of physical abuse

A warm hand trailed up Alec’s side, soft fingers gently passing over each rib before moving up and over his shoulder to rest on his chest. It stirred him from his sleep and Alec moaned tiredly as he arched his back and felt the length of Raj’s body curved against his. 

“Good morning,” Raj muttered, his lips wet against the nape of Alec’s neck. He pulled himself closer against Alec’s back, molding their bodies together. He peppered kisses across Alec’s shoulder and ran his hand down, slowly ghosting across Alec’s chest and stomach. 

“Good”—Alec moaned—“morning.” He wiped away the sleep from his eyes while Raj continued to work his kisses back up his neck and against his ear. 

“I’ve missed you,” Raj whispered in his ear, “I feel like I haven’t seen you in days.”

He pressed his hand flat against Alec’s stomach and slowly inched his way down to the front of his pajama pants where he began to untangle the drawstrings. 

It felt like days since they had seen each other despite sleeping in the same bed every night. Work and the project with Magnus had taken over the majority of Alec’s free time to where he was left exhausted by the end of the day. 

Alec rolled over in place, his limbs heavy with fatigue. He wanted to apologize for his recent absence, for the neglect, but was caught in the crash of Raj’s lips against his. Raj parted Alec’s mouth with a swipe of his tongue and the sharp taste of mint. The kiss was desperate and hungry like a man who had been starved for far too long. Alec couldn’t remember the last time they had slept together, much less the last time they had kissed beyond a peck on the lips or a brush against the cheek on the way out the door. Raj had tried on several occasions. A slow grazing hand along Alec’s hip before bed that stopped when Alec complained about being tired; kisses at the base of his throat that Alec would turn away from with the excuse of needing a shower. Raj had been hungry for him—for this intimacy—and Alec had let him starve. 

Raj pushed Alec onto his back and climbed on top of him, hips grinding down against Alec’s own. He glided his hands firmly over the planes of Alec’s chest, bringing them up to find their resting place cupped around Alec’s jaw. He held Alec tenderly, his kisses slowing down as he deepened them, pouring all of his love, all of himself into the gesture. In every look, in every kiss, in every touch, Alec could feel Raj’s love for him. No matter the state of their relationship or the state of Alec’s confusion— Raj’s love for him had remained constant. 

He had a passion that burned for Alec and Alec could feel it now in the care Raj was putting into their kiss. 

This meant more to him than it did to Alec. 

Realization twisted like a knife in his chest. Alec arched up into the kiss, finally returning Raj’s love like he was supposed to. The action of kissing, making out, wasn’t hard to do. It came back to Alec easily, like riding a bicycle after so many years. It was a muscle memory he could tap into and use when needed. And he needed to do this—for Raj. 

He pulled back, breaking their kiss for a moment to look at Raj who hovered there with lips parted, heavy breaths spilling out, eyes closed in bliss. Alec pulled him in and kissed him hard. He wanted to feel that again. He wanted to remember what it felt like to lose oneself in a simple kiss. To hand yourself over to someone completely. 

He wanted to feel the heart-pounding desire that could burn from a simple touch. He wanted the butterflies to stir in his stomach with one look. He wanted the mere sight of seeing the man he loved from across the room to take his breath away. He wanted the warmth of a smile to consume him. He wanted that spark that came when he touched the other man’s skin, the tingle in his fingers as he brushed across the bracelets that stretched around his golden colored wrist— the chill ghosting across his skin at the feeling of his ringed fingers resting atop his. He wanted the heart racing excitement the sound of Magnus’ voice could bring to him. 

Raj moaned into their kiss, and Alec found himself back in this intimate moment he was supposed to be sharing with him. 

Alec broke apart from their kiss, lifting Raj and moving him off of him and back onto the bed. 

“What’s wrong?” Raj asked, breathless. He sat there with flushed skin, his chest rising and falling heavily with fervor. 

Raj didn’t deserve this. 

Alec rose from the bed and shook his head. “Nothing. Nothing’s wrong. I just remembered we were going to have company soon so we probably shouldn’t—” Alec gestured at their rumpled bed. 

Raj slumped back. “It’s eight in the morning on a Saturday… Who’s coming over?”

Alec swallowed. “Magnus.”

Raj’s eyes passed over Alec slowly, brows pulled down curiously, and he wondered if Raj could tell. Because Alec could; he felt his guilt branded into his skin a bright red that said,  _ I’m the worst person in the world and you deserve so much better.  _

Raj’s brows quickly jumped as he smiled softly, all traces of confusion dissipating. “Well, we would hate to be in the middle of  _ that  _ when Magnus shows up.”

He rose from the bed and gently grabbed the back of Alec’s neck, tugging him in, and placing a soft, tentative kiss against Alec’s still mouth. “I’ll get the coffee started.”  
  


* * *

 

 

The familiar tunes of classic rock songs came through the small speakers Magnus had sitting beside him. Alec had laughed at the first song that played when Magnus hit shuffle and in turn received a silent scolding through the glare Magnus directed at him.  _ ‘After days of nonstop classical music, I kind of spend my free time listening to anything but,’  _ Magnus had said and he made a valid point. 

They each sat on the floor, pamphlets and fliers fanned out around them. They had quickly formed a smooth flowing assembly line of Alec lining up the pages in their correct order before handing them to Magnus who would then staple and fold them into shape. The work had been slow going at first because they were talking more than they were working but then at some point, the conversation quieted down and their production picked up. They worked silently, moving their heads to the music and Alec had gotten so lost in his work he caught himself humming along to a few of the songs. He would only realize he had been humming when he would notice Magnus smiling down as he worked, pretending not to have heard but he would bob his head to the music—investing himself more in whatever song Alec had been humming. 

Magnus now hummed lowly along to the song as he methodically moved through the steps of his work.

Stack the pages together— two staples — two folds — drop in the box.

Alec paused to crack his knuckles and take the opportunity to watch Magnus, enjoying the focus he had as he took to this task with complete diligence. He hummed all the while, never breaking tune or losing focus on his work. Alec set back to his work and let himself enjoy the sound of Magnus’ humming. It was a beautiful sound and it didn’t surprise him that Magnus would have a beautiful voice on top of his many other talents of playing the piano, being naturally beautiful, and…perfect.

_ “And I know, yes I know that it’s plain to see…”  _

The sudden sound of Magnus singing the song instead of humming drew Alec’s attention.  He laughed. “You are  _ not _ singing this song—” 

_ “We’re so in love when we’re together…”  _ Magnus watched him now, a humorous smirk playing on his lips while he sang. 

Alec shook his head and tried to get back to his work despite the laughter shaking his shoulders.

_ “Now I know that I need you here with me”— _ Magnus held the stapler up to his mouth like a microphone— _ “from tonight until the end of time...” _

“Sing it.” Magnus held the makeshift microphone out to him, a playful gleam in his eye.  _ “You should know—” _

_ “ _ I don’t sing.”

_ “Everywhere I go _ ”—Magnus nudged the stapler against Alec’s shoulder— _ “you’re always on my mind…” _

Alec rolled his eyes, relenting, and swiped the stapler out of Magnus’ hand.

“Good luck getting Alec to sing,” Raj muttered, entering the room with crossed arms and a humored smirk. 

Alec lowered the stapler and cleared his throat. “That’s because I don’t sing.”

Magnus narrowed his eyes on Alec and plucked the stapler out of Alec’s grip to resume his task. “Spoilsport.”

Raj chuckled and walked around their work, examining it with a careful eye. “These are looking great. The design is fantastic.”

Magnus smiled proudly. “A good friend of mine designed them. She’s an up-and-coming artist, incredibly creative, talented beyond her years, still undiscovered...”

Magnus peered up at Raj, almost innocently, and directed the sweetest smile Alec had ever seen him use up at him.

Alec pursed his lips to contain his laughter.

Raj tilted his head in suspicion. “Are you… trying to not so subtly hint at something?”

Magnus waved him off airily. “Whatever do you mean?”

Alec snorted and quickly covered his mouth to regain his composure. 

Raj glanced at Alec and laughed. “Did you plan this?”

Alec held his hands up in innocence. “I don’t know what he’s talking about.”

Raj rolled his eyes to look at Magnus, incredulous. 

Magnus sighed in resignation. “You caught me. I was kind of pitching for my friend Clary. I told her about the project, asked her for help, which led to explaining how I ended up here, which led to you and your gallery, and then her asking me to put in a good word.” Magnus gasped in to catch his breath. “I promise Alexander had nothing to do with it.”

Raj’s hands stiffened by his side. A reaction so subtle and gone so quickly that the only evidence was the quiet pop of his knuckle. 

Alexander— the name Alec never allowed Raj to use, the one he never allowed anyone to use— being used by Magnus so effortlessly and comfortably. 

Nerves pulled taut threatened to snap. Alec felt sick to his stomach. He never considered how Magnus’ use of his name might sound to Raj, how it might possibly hurt him. 

Alec opened his mouth to speak but stopped when Raj cleared his throat, his attention solely focused on Magnus. 

“I’d love to look at her work. Victor and I are always looking to discover new talent. Just -uh- leave her information with Alec”—Raj swallowed—“he can give it to me later and I’ll check her out.” Raj’s entire body slackened and he hid it well with the grin he flashed at Magnus. Only the slight twitch of his lip revealing how caught off guard he had just been. 

Magnus pressed his hand to his chest, gratitude reflecting in his smile. “Thank you so much! But please don’t feel obligated to book her because of my connection to Alec. She would want her work to speak for itself so just treat her as you would any other prospect.”

Raj nodded once and smiled through pressed lips. “No special treatment.”

Magnus clicked his tongue and winked at Raj. He finished folding the pamphlet he was assembling and deposited it into the box, swinging his arms up into a stretch. “There. Months and months of hard work finally paying off.”

Magnus groaned, pulling his arms back, his gray t-shirt riding up with the movement. Alec averted his eyes from the tanned skin peeking above the belted waistline and directed them at his boyfriend instead, placing a smile on his face. “You off to work now?”

Raj moved away from Magnus and smiled down at Alec, his eyes softening and turning down at the edges the second Alec smiled back at him. “Yeah. I’d love to stay and help and hear more 80s love ballad serenades but… duty calls.”

Alec nodded. “Okay, I guess I’ll just-uh-see you tonight.”

More than likely Raj would be home late and Alec would be in bed long before then. Thus continuing their going to bed without each other streak, but Alec made the promise all the same. It was what Raj wanted to hear. 

Raj’s smile slipped and he swallowed as he glanced at Magnus who was now neatly sorting the pamphlets, not paying them any attention. 

He put his smile on again and bent down to say his goodbyes. “Yeah. I’ll see you tonight.” 

Alec lifted his chin and turned his cheek out for Raj’s kiss. 

Raj sucked in a breath and lingered, tipping his forehead against Alec. “I love you.” The words were quiet and hesitant. Spoken like a plea he didn’t want Alec to forget. 

Magnus stilled. His fist curled tightly around the stapler, eyes intently watching the pamphlets in front of him. Alec closed his eyes. He couldn’t bear to see the discomfort written clearly on Magnus’ face. He wondered if those words made Magnus uncomfortable because maybe they were not ones he shared with Camille. Maybe he no longer felt what it was like to be told that he was loved. 

He should be told. 

Alec remembered Raj, who waited patiently to hear the words for himself.

He angled his head to look at Raj and lifted the side of his mouth into a smile. “Love you too.” The words felt like a lie as he said them but he saw the grin form as Raj stood to his full height. 

“It was good to see you again, Magnus,” Raj said, taking his coat from the rack.

Magnus nodded with a wave and a smile. “Thanks again.”

The door locked behind Raj. Alec pictured him, slowly making his way to the gallery, where he would spend the long day pretending to smile for his patrons—the memory of Magnus calling Alec ‘ _ Alexander’ _ playing over and over again until his mind was plagued with a million irrational thoughts. If Alec knew Raj at all, this is what he would be doing on his Saturday. But unlike Alec, who would surely drive himself crazy, Raj would rationalize them. He would sort them out throughout the day and he would inevitably come to the conclusion that he was overthinking everything. He would laugh at himself for ever doubting Alec or his intentions, and just like that, he would let it be forgotten. He would come home and he would smile— and he would mean it. He would crawl into bed alongside Alec and whisper  _ ‘I love you’ _  into his back— and he would mean every word. Three words, so small and seemingly innocent but yet powerful enough to hold the very meaning of life in its hands. 

Everything would go back to the way things were between them because Raj was that kind of person— a truly good man— who in a week’s time would celebrate Alec’s birthday and spend his night making sure everything was perfect. 

Magnus scratched at his nose, the sound of sniffing pulling Alec’s attention. 

Everything would be perfect on his birthday. Raj would see to that. Except for the fact that Magnus had not yet been invited. And despite keeping life separate and keeping things normal, Alec wanted desperately for Magnus to be there. 

He coughed to clear his throat. “So—uh—now that he’s gone, there’s something I want to ask you,” Alec began.

Magnus’ brow raised and he stopped, a stack of pamphlets in hand, confusion and worry etched in his features.

“I was wondering if you would like to”—Alec swallowed—“come to my surprise birthday party?”

Magnus exhaled, a laugh coming out with it, color washing back to his face. “Oh, okay. You’re just— Wait, you’re inviting me to your  _ surprise  _ birthday party?”

“Yeah.” Alec laughed and shrugged. “Raj always throws me a surprise birthday party. After a while they cease to be a surprise.”

Magnus tsked at him and neatly arranged the pamphlets in their box. “And how am I going to explain my attendance to dear Raj?”

Alec chewed on his lip. “Show up late, tell him I texted you after the party started, I don’t know.”

Magnus regarded him and tapped at his chin with blue polished nails. “Sounds like you’re playing with fire, Alexander. You risk revealing your secret and disappointing your boyfriend all in one night.”

Alec rolled his eyes. “He won’t look into it that much.”

“I will have to be incredibly fashionably late,” Magnus reasoned.

“That’s fine with me. I just want you to come.”

Alec waited, the bundle of nerves tickling in the pit of his belly the longer Magnus took to think this over. It was just his birthday party, everyone he knew would be there, it wasn’t anything he should feel this nervous about. 

Magnus chuckled defeatedly. “Then I’ll go. Can’t say no to that face.”

 

* * *

  
  


The night had gone pretty much how Alec expected. Raj showed up ‘late’ from work, apologizing and pretending they would need to rush to their dinner reservation. Alec went along with it. This was always a big occasion for Raj. Every year he would meticulously plan out the night and every year—after the second year—Alec had to pretend he never knew what was going on. 

Tonight’s ‘dinner’ was at a house turned restaurant that Raj had rented out and had catered. A beautiful brownstone with outdoor seating and trickling lights over the covered porch, nestled in the heart of a neighborhood. Raj had taken Alec’s hand, laced their fingers together and guided him up the stairs. The shouts of surprise were not unexpected but they still caused Alec to flinch and then smile widely, pretending to be completely and utterly shocked as if this weren’t the fifth year in a row. 

The restaurant was full of party guests. Alec’s co-workers, his siblings, Raj’s co-workers, pretty much everyone Alec had come in contact with was at this party. He spotted Maia chatting with Isabelle early on in the party and made it a point to stay tucked away in the corner nursing his beer and allowing the guests to come visit him instead of making his rounds throughout the room. 

Jace and Isabelle had grilled him on what was new in his life. They had always been close but lately over the past couple of years, careers had blossomed, and time spent together had trickled out to only small visits they could squeeze in throughout the year. He went into detail explaining his project, the success, the projected launch date, and eventually, Magnus. 

They listened to him intently with earnest eyes and smiling faces. He realized after awhile of silence on their part and endless rambling on his, that he had probably spoken too much of Magnus who was supposed to only be his ‘business partner’. He stopped mid-sentence and laughed it off. “I’m rambling now but you get the idea.” 

He looked at his siblings’ reactions, to see if they suspected anything out of the ordinary. Isabelle smiled warmly at him with deep red lips, while Jace nursed his beer and nodded approvingly. 

“It sounds like you got  _ incredibly  _ lucky with that business partner,” Isabelle remarked innocently, laying a supportive hand on his arm. “I’m so happy for you! Your dream is coming true!” 

“When do we get to meet this dream maker?” Jace downed the last of his beer, waiting for Alec’s response.

Alec tugged at the sleeve of his denim shirt and looked around the room. He still hoped he would see Magnus milling about the guests in search of him but he was beginning to think that the invitation had been too much too soon. Even though Alec felt nine months of working together in close proximity did grant them a certain level of friendship to where they could invite each other to events such as these. And Magnus had become a friend to Alec. And he had said he would be here. “I—uh—I don’t know if he’s coming or not.”

Isabelle shrugged and tossed her hair over her shoulder. “Well, I’m sure we will meet him sooner or later. Especially because it seems as if you’ve made a good friend out of him.”

“Yeah,” Alec confessed. 

Jace broke the tender sibling moment with a loud belch and received a punch on his arm from Isabelle. He pointed across the room. “Isn’t that the intern you have working for you?”

Isabelle rounded sharply and groaned. “Ugh, incompetent interns. How and why is he even here?! I’ll be right back.”

Jace laughed and slapped the back of Alec’s arm with his hand. “I gotta see this. I’ll catch up with you in a bit.”

Alec took a drink of his beer and nodded at them, waving them off. 

He searched the room again and turned up empty...again.

He rolled his eyes at himself. He was being ridiculous. He was at his own birthday party, sulking, because Magnus had not shown up yet. He heard Raj's laughter trail over the room and he watched his boyfriend laugh at something Victor had said. His face was alight with happiness, his body completely at ease in the comfort of friends. Alec should be feeling that. He should be that happy. He had no reason not to be and yet here he was finding himself incapable of enjoying this night meant for him. 

He finished the last of his beer and turned when he caught the tiny jingle of the bell on the entrance door. 

His heart lurched in his chest when he recognized the curled tips of black hair that rested just above caramel colored skin, and rich brown eyes that glowed in the soft lights that lined around the door. His lungs felt tight in his chest and he pulled a large breath in through his mouth and then struggled to release it. It caught inside of him when Magnus rounded the group of guests and found Alec immediately. The smile he gave him was not the smile Alec had grown to love. This smile was sad, full of pain and sorrow, and his lips, his bottom lip to be exact, appeared red and bruised even under the ambient lighting. 

Alec crossed the room in quick, long strides, worried. “Magnus…”

Magnus’ mouth twitched into the ghost of a smile. Alec was only a foot away from him and he could see that Magnus’ lips were indeed bruised and beginning to swell, evidence of dried blood caked in the split. He took Magnus by the arm and pulled him in closer to him, taking in every injured detail of Magnus’ face. 

“Alexander,” Magnus whispered—the sound coming out choked and strained. 

Alec shushed him. “Come with me.”

He guided Magnus through a group of Raj’s coworkers, his hand never letting go of the solid presence of Magnus’ arm in his hand. They passed through double doors that led to what Alec assumed was the kitchen the restaurant used whilst operating. He held Magnus gently against the counter, one hand resting on each of Magnus’ shoulders, and inspected the swollen lip closely.

“Oh, Magnus.” 

Alec went to find some ice, and wrapped it in a kitchen towel he found folded on the counter. He pressed the cold compress against Magnus’ lips and cringed when he noticed the way Magnus flinched at the touch. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you”—Alec held the ice firmly up against Magnus’ lips—“but we need the cold to reduce the swelling before it gets any worse.”

Magnus nodded gingerly and closed his eyes, his arms crossed as he allowed Alec to continue holding the compress against his injury. Alec was close enough to smell the intoxicating aroma of sandalwood that lingered wherever Magnus was. He could feel the hot puffs of breath caress against his own lips that he had to use everything in him to not let himself fall into the trap Magnus had unknowingly set that threatened to catch Alec’s heart.

They stood there what felt like an eternity in complete silence. Magnus with his eyes closed and his steady breathing that hitched whenever the ice would shift against his injured lip. Alec tried to hold the melting ice as steadily as he could. He cupped his palm around it and felt the cold trails of water that seeped through the towel run down his wrist before meeting the cuff of his sleeve. 

Magnus drew in a deep breath. His brow dropped as he squeezed his eyes shut in what appeared to be his way of bracing himself to speak. Alec feared what he would say—what he would finally admit after all these months of silence on the topic. Alec had never pushed, it was their unspoken promise and a line Alec respected since that first meeting over coffee. He’d had his suspicions throughout their months of getting to know each other but he never imagined they would actually be true. Even now, Magnus could tell him one of his usual excuses, the ones that were so believable and that slipped off his tongue without hesitation, and he would want to believe it, but they were past that now. Alec felt like they had been past that point for a while but he never asked and suddenly he felt like that had been the biggest mistake he could have ever made. He wanted Magnus to trust him, to tell him on his own time. And when that time came, Alec would listen. 

Magnus let out a slow trembling breath that passed coldly over the wet streaks of melted ice that ran down Alec’s wrist. 

“Thank you”—Magnus’ voice cracked and he swallowed roughly, his eyes opening to finally meet Alec’s gaze—“for not asking me what happened.”

Perhaps tonight would not be the night they passed this trial of friendship but that was okay. If Magnus didn’t want to talk about it, they wouldn’t. If Magnus wanted to stay in silence like this for the rest of the night, Alec would do that. He offered Magnus a smile in the hopes that it might lighten this mood, might bring Magnus some cheer from this awful situation. 

He lowered the ice from Magnus’ lips and tossed it into the sink. “I figured when you want me to know, you will tell me. Until then, I won’t ask anything of you...just like we agreed.”

“Thank you.” The words fell quietly in the room.

The sound of chattering friends filtered in through the kitchen’s swinging door. 

Alec licked his lips and nodded. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

“I know—”

“I don’t want you to feel as if you owe me any explanation. You don’t. I just want you to know that I’m here for you. Whatever you need, Magnus, I’m here.”

Magnus dropped his head back, a pained sigh escaping him. “This isn’t the first time.”

A flare of disgust and anger ripped through Alec. He bit down on his lip to stop himself from saying the hateful things he had been thinking all along. That wasn’t what Magnus needed right now. He needed a friend and he needed to feel safe. Magnus had once said that Alec made him feel safe. He wondered if this was why when they met up to work on their projects that Magnus had often lingered. Alec had been his escape— his safe place to go to when he needed to get away from Camille. 

“Come stay with me.” The words spilled out of him quicker than he intended, but he found that there was not a single part of him that wanted to take them back. He wanted Magnus to be safe—he wanted to keep Magnus safe. 

Magnus slowly brought his head back to face Alec. His eyes wide in disbelief. “What?”

“You don’t have to stay there.” Alec shrugged. “I can give you a place to stay and take care of you.”

For a moment Alec felt his hope rising, thinking that Magnus would say yes, that he would finally leave Camille and be safe. But the softened expression of gratitude in Magnus’ eyes flickered out and he laughed sadly. “Yeah. I’m sure Raj would love to have me moving in to his place. Haven’t you heard? Three’s a crowd, Alec.”

Alec winced at the reminder. He didn’t live alone. He had to think about Raj. How could he not have thought about Raj? Raj wouldn’t mind—that’s why Alec hadn’t thought of him. He knew Raj would want to help someone who was in harm’s way and so he would do this for Magnus—for Alec if he asked. “I’ll talk to him. We will work something out.”

Magnus shook his head. “No, don’t worry about me. I’ll duck faster next time I see an object flying in my direction.” He laughed and Alec saw the instant his guard went up in the form of the perfectly crafted mask he put on when he wanted to hide himself from the world.

Magnus dropped his chin to his chest and lowered his eyes.

Alec stepped in closer. “Don’t do that.” He lifted Magnus’ chin with his fingers, tipping his head back so that he could look into his eyes. He didn’t want Magnus to hide from him. He could hide from the world and everyone in it, but he didn’t want Magnus to hide from him.

Magnus’ brown eyes flashed with worry, the pitch black of his pupil flaring as they looked back at Alec. There was an uncertain fear there, a hesitation that wanted to break free. Alec wondered how long it had been there, how long he had gone without seeing it. He broke their gaze to study the reddened lip. The swelling had reduced significantly from the compress but the purple bruising at the edge of his mouth remained. Alec skimmed his thumb along the soft edges of Magnus’ injured lip, causing Magnus’ to suck in a quick breath. 

“I hate her,” Alec croaked out.

Magnus cupped Alec’s cheek in his hand, a pitiful excuse for a smile on his face. “I’ll be fine.”

“You’ll tell me...if you’re not?” Alec reached up and held Magnus’ hand against his cheek. 

Magnus nodded a tear slipping past his mask.

“Promise?” 

“Promise,” Magnus whispered.

The sound of party chatter flooded into the room and Alec turned to see Maia standing in the threshold, eyes wide and head drawn back in surprise at what Alec could only assume appeared to be a questionable situation. 

She blinked quickly and without ever missing a beat she let the shock fall from her face and turn itself into an easy-going smile. “Hi, I’m just going to sneak a few more beers.”

Alec relaxed his hold on Magnus’ hand and brought their hands down away from his cheek. He cleared his throat and then gave Maia a single nod, acknowledging what she had said.

Magnus pulled back from him and averted his eyes.

Maia threw open the cooler and pulled out two of the amber bottles of beer. She nudged the cooler door to a close with her hip and shot Alec a berating look as she passed by him. He knew what this must have looked like. He knew what it was on both the surface as well as beneath. Simply put—on the surface—this was nothing but a friend comforting another friend after a harrowing experience. Deep down though, beneath the placid appearance of their friendship, was the current that Alec felt coursing through him everyday. It was the unavoidable undertow of an all-consuming new love that no matter how much Alec had tried to ignore it, tried to fight it, it had pulled him below the surface and won. He found himself lost in it and he knew that there would be no coming back. 

Alec rubbed at the back of his neck and opened his mouth to say something to her, anything that could possibly make this seem not as bad as it looked. 

He watched as the berating scowl transitioned to a concerned look of understanding. And why wouldn’t she understand? She knew, more or less, what he had been going through. He tried explaining how he had been feeling about Raj after the Christmas party. She had listened and given her advice, which was always excellent advice, but he had assured her that it would pass. He thought that maybe he was going through a phase, some sort of midlife crisis, and she had left it alone for the most part. Only asking him on occasion how he was doing and if he was happy. He always responded well enough so that she would ease off. The look on her face now proved that she had probably known all along that what Alec had been feeling was not just a case of cold feet. Her features softened and she glanced back at the door over her shoulder—her way of telling him that he needed to get back to his party and his boyfriend. 

Alec nodded as she backed through the swinging door. He cleared his throat and prepared himself to face Magnus. He feared he had revealed too much, more than he had ever planned. His feelings—that he couldn’t deny were there anymore—were never supposed to show like this.

“I should go,” Magnus choked out quietly. “You should go join your party, be with your friends.”

Alec shook his head and stopped Magnus with a hand on his elbow. “I am.”

Magnus glanced down at Alec’s hand on him and then smiled softly up at Alec. “You should go be with Raj.”

There it was again—that reminder Alec didn’t need but that Magnus always seemed to provide nonetheless. Or maybe he did need it and Magnus knew. Perhaps Magnus saw the heart that Alec was sure he wore on his sleeve whenever Magnus was around. He saw, he knew, and he was gently reminding Alec that his heart technically still belonged to someone else. 

Alec released his hold from Magnus. He couldn’t stop him, even if he wanted to. In the end, Magnus was nothing more than his friend. “You can’t go back to her. Stay for the rest of the party?”

Magnus opened his mouth to speak, hesitating and then ultimately sighing with resignation. “I’ll stay for a little bit. Go ahead, I’ll be right behind you.”

Alec’s mouth pulled up into a smile. Relieved. “Okay.”

He pushed his way through the kitchen door and scanned the room. He spotted Victor first who was standing beside a laughing Raj, and watching Alec suspiciously with narrowed eyes. 

Alec swallowed nervously and walked over to join them. Raj turned to see Alec approaching and Alec had just enough time to see the wide grin spread on his face before Raj was crashing into him, an arm wound around his neck. The smell of beer wafted over him and Alec laughed at how much Raj seemed to be enjoying himself. 

“Happy birthday, Superman,” Raj said in what Alec assumed was meant to be a whisper but instead came out as a loud, raspy drawl.

Alec laughed again and covered his face with his hand while Raj giggled and Victor openly rolled his eyes and grimaced.

“Superman?” Magnus’ voice tinkled with humor as he joined their group.  Alec was thankfully spared from the blush he felt creeping on when Raj pushed away from him and pulled Magnus into a tight hug. 

“Magnus! I didn’t know you were coming! Wait—did I invite you? I meant to invite you. Maybe I did. I thought I forgot. I don’t know! But I’m so glad you could make it!”

Magnus laughed at Raj’s drunken stumbling and shrugged in response. “I’m glad I could make it.”

Raj leaned forward and squinted his eyes as he tried to stand still and check out Magnus’ mouth. “You’ve got quite the”—Raj motioned at Magnus’ mouth—“busted lip.”

“Uh—yeah.” Magnus acknowledged, self consciously tucking his bottom lip between his teeth as best as he could.

Raj stood up straight and smiled as if he just had the brightest idea. “I know! Let’s have Alec put some ice on it! Alec, sweetheart, go get some ice for Magnus’ lip.”

Alec pulled Raj back into him and whispered over his shoulder. “I already did.”

Magnus nodded. “He’s right. He barely let me in through the door before he made me put ice on my lip.”

“Of course he did,” Victor deadpanned, his eyes locked in on Alec. 

Alec’s stomach turned. If looks could kill.

He pretended not to notice Victor’s obvious suspicion and instead smiled down at Raj, wrapping an arm around his chest, doing his best to play the dutiful boyfriend role that was expected of him. 

Raj leaned his head back comfortably against Alec’s chest and cooed. “Of course he did. He is Superman after all.”

Alec scoffed and rolled his eyes at Raj’s ridiculous nickname for him. “Stop it.”

“No, don’t, Raj,” Magnus goaded, “I would  _ love _ to hear how Alexander earned the title of Superman.”

Raj went into his long and incredibly detailed monologue describing the saga of their relationship. He explained how he had started calling Alec ‘Superman’ after he stormed into a house with neglected children and saved the brother and sister from the toxic drug ridden environment. He kept them in their own home, showering them with love until he was sure he could find them a home where they could be together. 

Raj laid a proud hand on his chest. “He fought so hard to be sure they would always have each other. It was then that I told him that it was as if he were a superhero to these children. And somehow Superman became his nickname.”

“Nobody calls me Superman but you, Raj,” Alec clarified. 

Raj shrugged and finished off the last of his watered down drink that Victor then snatched away from him, telling him he was cut off.

“Sounds to me like he is indeed Superman,” Magnus said, beaming proudly up at Alec.

Victor scoffed and turned his attention to Magnus. “How did you split your lip?”

Alec blanched at the blunt delivery of Victor’s question. Magnus blinked in surprise and in the snap of a finger he was back to his relaxed and smiling persona. He went into a tale of unfortunate events whilst fixing a lighting fixture in his loft. The lie was obvious to Alec who knew that Magnus would never do his own electrical work. He hated that Magnus had to do this—that he had to invent some tall tale because his truth was too unpleasant and not one that anyone should have to experience and certainly not recount at a party.

Talks of handIwork in the loft led to discussions on real estate and not too long after, the party drew to a close. Magnus was the first to excuse himself out of their group. “I should get going. It’s late.”

“I’ll see you out,” Alec offered and patted Raj on the shoulder as he stepped away. “I’ll be right back.”

Raj nodded and went back to saying his goodbyes to their other friends.

Alec followed after Magnus and felt the spine chilling sense that someone was watching him. His suspicions were confirmed when he glanced over his shoulder to find Victor watching him out of the corner of his eye, his mouth pulled into a hard line. Alec didn’t know what Victor knew or what he thought he knew, better yet, but he didn’t like the way he had been watching him throughout the night. It was as if he suspected the worst out of Alec and the thought of that made his stomach turn. 

He hated himself enough for allowing his feelings to get this far. He never wanted this. If it had been up to him, he would have made his heart stay in love with Raj. Raj had been good to him and they’d built a good life together. It made no sense for his heart to betray him like this. To fall out of love with a perfectly good man and fall in love with someone else who was wholly unavailable to him.

They reached the exit and Magnus’ once glowing smile dropped as he looked out the window to the streets outside. “I guess it’s time to go back to reality, right?”

Alec clenched his jaw and tightened his hands into fists by his sides. “You can’t go back there tonight, Magnus. Hang out here and you can go home with us or...I don't know...but you can’t go back to her. Not tonight—preferably not ever but especially not tonight.”

Magnus heaved out a tired breath. “You’re right. I won’t go back there tonight but I’m not going with you either.”

He wasn't sure if the statement was meant to mean more than what it said but Alec couldn’t help but think that this was Magnus’ gentle way of rejecting the feelings Alec was sure he’d noticed. He hoped he was wrong and that maybe it was simply an unfortunate choice of words but they made Alec’s stomach twist into knots. 

“Wherever you go—I just want to know you’re safe. Will you text me whenever you get to wherever you’re going that’s not with me?” Alec laughed at the end of this, hoping it would come off lighthearted instead of the form of a piercing pain in his chest. 

“I want to say ‘don’t worry about me’ but I know that would be pointless to say to you. You have a hopeless case of the worry warts.” Magnus chuckled and Alec dismissed him with another eye roll. “I’ll text you.”

“Thank you,” Alec declared slowly and deliberately sarcastic.

Magnus smiled and this time it felt real. It brought back the same warmth Alec had come to expect from it. Unlike his smiles throughout the night that were hollow and meaningless. This smile shined and relaxed every bundle of worried nerves Alec had left in his body.

“Happy birthday, Alexander.” Magnus exited the restaurant and Alec felt the presence of his best friend come up behind him. He knew it was her because she always smelled of coconut and peaches.

“You ready to talk to me? No bullshit this time.”

“Maia, I didn’t bullshit you,” Alec explained even though he knew his argument was weak.

“Bullshit.” She stepped up to him and planted her hands on her hips. “Go home. Get your boyfriend to bed and tomorrow...you’re going to call me, we will go out for coffee or something stronger if you prefer and  _ we  _ are going to talk about what happened”—Alec leveled his eyes on her—“or didn’t happen in that kitchen tonight.”

Alec gritted his teeth and looked around to make sure no one had been listening in. “There’s nothing to talk about. Nothing happened in the kitchen. It was nothing.”

“ ‘Nothing’ doesn’t look the way your face did in there.” She slid her arms into the jacket she had slung over her arm. “You’re thirty-two years old, Alec. Too old to be playing these games with me. We need to talk about this and I will do everything I can to help you figure out whatever you think ‘nothing’ is.”

Alec swallowed and then sighed. He dropped his head into his hand and pinched his brow. “Fine. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

She smiled at him now and pulled him in for a hug. “I love you but you can be a real idiot sometimes.”

Alec snorted. “I love you too.”

“Get some rest tonight, try not to overthink things.” She drew back and pinched his chin playfully. “Happy birthday, Alec.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment, DM, tag, whatever to let me know what you think! 
> 
> I hope you all are still enjoying their story...I warned you that it is a slow burn sooo..
> 
> again, BIG THANKS to Lu and Meg who beta-d this for me even though reading almost Ralec smut went everything against they believed in. They managed to hold it together for the sake of the story. They are true heroes.
> 
> until tomorrow! 
> 
> xoxo


	5. 5.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day 5 is here and I'm super excited to share more of their story with you all!
> 
> I know the last chapter was a hard one and I'm sorry but we gotta go through the ugly bits to get to the good ones :(
> 
> As always, feel free to use the hashtag #twisbfic for your reactions
> 
> Happy Reading!!!

Maia dropped onto the bench beside him, the smell of her caramel coffee appearing under his nose from the cup she held out to him. “Want a sip?”

“It’s a little cold for iced coffee, no?” 

Maia rolled her eyes and tapped the green straw against his lips. “It’s never too cold. Now, do you want a sip or not? My last offer.”

“Sure.” Alec took a sip and then handed it back to her. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.” She turned to face him on the bench, bringing one knee up between them, somehow making herself comfortable and completely at home on a park bench in the middle of September. “You ready to talk?”

Alec tucked his cell phone back in his coat pocket; the last thing he needed was for Maia to see that he had been hopelessly staring at his last texts with Magnus. He laced his fingers in his lap and shrugged out his elbows. “What do you want to know?”

She licked the whipped cream off of her straw and quirked her head at him. “Really? You’re going to make me go down the twenty questions road?”

“I just don’t know what you want me to say—”

She raised her hand to stop him and finished swallowing her mouth full of coffee. “Since you won’t get straight to it, I will. What happened in the kitchen Saturday night?”

“Nothing, Maia. That’s what happened.” Alec shook his head. “Absolutely nothing.”

Maia groaned exasperatedly. He didn’t have to look at her to know that she had rolled her eyes and was beginning to lose patience with him. He was good at making her do that. 

“It didn’t look like  _ nothing _ ,” she said flatly.

He sighed and hung his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I would never do that to Raj. You know that.”

The quick movement next to him drew his attention and he caught Maia leaning back, clearly affronted. “Alec, I don’t think you  _ actually _ cheated on Raj.” She scoffed and shook her head. “But you’re right, I do know you better than that. Which is why I wish you would quit pretending that there wasn’t more to what I saw between you and Magnus.”

“Maia—” 

She stopped him with a held up finger.

“Now I’m not saying something happened that you acted on or even voiced, but, Alec, I know something is going on in here”—she poked at his chest over his heart—“and in here”—she tapped on his head once before ruffling her fingers through his hair. “I just want you to tell me what’s going on with  _ you _ . What’s bothering you. You haven’t been yourself and I can tell that something is eating away at you and I wish you would just trust me.” She grabbed his forearm and gave it a gentle squeeze. “You can’t keep everything to yourself, Alec. That never ends well.”

Alec looked over at her. She watched him with eyes that were earnest in their concern. He could tell her, he could voice every confusing, contradicting thought he had plaguing him, and maybe, just maybe, she could tell him what to do. Because he sure as hell didn’t know what he was supposed to do. Lately it felt like he didn’t know anything anymore.

Maia leaned against the back of the bench, one elbow thrown over the back as she waited patiently for him to say his piece.  

He drew in a deep breath and then let it out quickly in short bursts, popping his knuckles and shaking his hands out. He could tell her. “I just...I don’t know what I’m thinking anymore. Nothing I’m feeling makes any sense and my thoughts are all over the place and yet somehow they’re not… all at the same time. It’s like I can see…  _ feel _ what I want but then my head chimes in and I just… I’m—I’m so confused, Maia.”

“So tell me and maybe we can figure this out together.” She nodded at him, urging him to continue.

“I feel like I’m suffocating. I look at my life and everything in it and I  _ should _ be happy. I have a job I love, great friends, family, and a man who loves me so much that it hurts to see that love when he looks at me.” Alec wiped a hand down his face and scratched at his beard. “Raj looks at me like I hung all the stars in the fucking sky. But I- I look at him and I don’t see the same. I want to. I want to look at him and see the future I’ve always wanted. I know I should feel that but lately I can’t. I’ve tried and I just can’t.” The confession spilled out faster than he ever thought it could and he felt as though a weight should be off of his shoulders but it wasn’t. The weight was still there. His shoulders still heavy, his chest aching with guilt and disappointment. “What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can’t I just be happy?”

Maia moved in closer, tucking herself by his side and sliding an arm as best as she could around his shoulders. “There is nothing wrong with you, you hear me? Absolutely nothing is wrong with you.”

“I have everything and I’m not happy, what does that say about me?”

“It says that you’re a fucking human being, that’s what that says. Yes, you have what society would tell you should make you happy but if you’re not happy… you’re not happy. That’s it, that’s the end, and that’s all that matters. You can’t make yourself love someone again if you don’t. That’s not how the heart works.” She squeezed him in closer to her.

He let himself enjoy the warmth of her hug before leaning forward, elbows on his knees. “I want to try though,” he confessed quietly. “I want to try for Raj, for what we’ve built together. It doesn’t feel right to throw it all away.”

He felt her arm slowly slide across his back. She was watching him, he could feel her eyes boring into him, but he was afraid if he looked now, he would see the disappointment in her eyes and he didn’t want her to change his mind. Or did he? No, he didn’t. He owed it to Raj to at least try to bring the spark back. 

She cleared her throat quietly. “Okay, so what about Magnus?”

He looked at her, his heart pounding against his ribs at the mention of his name. “What about Magnus?”

She lifted her brows, the only response she was going to give to his question. 

“Magnus is my friend and he’s just a friend and he’s...he’s in a relationship—”

“What if he wasn’t?” she interrupted. 

“It wouldn’t matter because I am.”

“What if you weren’t? What if you both weren't?”

Alec scoffed and rose from the bench. Why did she always have to do this? Make him question himself, make him ask of himself all the hard questions he had been avoiding. Yes, it would be good for him to quit avoiding his problems but this problem was simply too big. It wasn’t one he wanted to face. It wasn’t one he ever expected to face. He had never been here before, in this limbo of having feelings for another man while in a relationship and he hated himself for it; for allowing this to happen.

As if falling in love were ever a choice. 

The breeze gusted through his hair, chilling the tip of his nose. He pulled his coat tighter around himself, crossing his arms in the process. As a way to keep warm or maybe as a way to shield his heart from escaping with the truth he was suddenly being confronted with in the middle of a park, on an unusually cold September thanks to an unexpected cold front. 

“Why does this matter? We’re not. It’s irrelevant,” he finally said, the words sounding bitter at their core for being the truth.

Maia’s eyes leveled on him. “Do you think you’re fooling me? Or are you still trying to fool yourself?”

“I’m not fooling anyone.”

“I know.” She rose from the bench and crossed her arms. “Answer my question.”

Alec clenched his jaw and looked away from her, choosing to inspect the semi-empty park they were in instead. What did she want him to say? Did she honestly expect him to admit everything he was feeling out loud? Did she want to hear about how his heart stopped whenever Magnus was around him or how he would lay in bed at night going over every single word Magnus had said to him that day? Or how he would lie there with eyes closed and a smile on his face reliving the sound of his laughter in his memories? These weren’t things he was willing to admit to himself and she expected him to say them out loud. To put a voice to his thoughts. He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t admit all of that to her. It was bad enough knowing it for himself.

“If we were both single then maybe...maybe...for sure. Yes,” he allowed with a sigh, rubbing at his eyes to try and push back any evidence of how much that little bit of a confession hurt to admit out loud. “I don’t know why this matters, why you want me to admit to something that hurts me this much.”

“Because I see you Alec. I see you when you think no one else does, when others are too blind to see that you are obviously struggling with something. And then Saturday night, I saw you. I saw you in the kitchen and the way you looked at Magnus—you looked at him as if he hung all the stars in the fucking sky.” She shrugged after saying this and shook her head. “I’m not trying to hurt you. All I can tell you is what I saw. But I just don’t get why you’re pretending like you don’t have feelings for him. It’s just us talking right now—”

“Because Raj doesn’t deserve this, Maia!” Alec shouted and then sucked in a breath, turning away from her to press the heels of his palms against his eyes. “He loves me so much and I’ve fallen”—Alec swallowed the truth down and shook his head defeatedly—“I can’t do this to him.”

Maia walked around so that she could face him and took his hands in hers, warming his icy fingers in her warm palms. “You’re right. Raj doesn’t deserve this. He deserves to have someone look at him the way he looks at you—the way you look at Magnus. So don’t stay with him out of obligation, Alec. Don’t do that to him and for god’s sake, don’t do that to yourself.”

“It’s not obligation. I care about him, I want to make this right between us.” He sniffed back his running nose. “I have to try.”

“Okay,” she said softly. “But caring about someone and loving them enough to spend the rest of your life with them are two vastly different things, Alec. Don’t forget that.” 

“I’m not stupid.”

“I never said you were.” Maia rubbed his fingers between her palms, the friction warming his hands. “Can I be honest with you?”

“Please,” Alec croaked out weakly. 

She let go of his hands and smoothed out the collar of his coat. She gave him a pat once her tidying was complete. “I think you’re afraid of ending things with Raj because you’re afraid that Magnus doesn’t feel the same way about you as you do about him.”

Alec swallowed. “Maia, please,” he begged quietly. 

“Let me finish,” she said sternly and with a determined shake of her head. “You’re afraid of throwing away something good on the uncertainty of a new love with Magnus. I get it. It makes sense to fear that, but you and I both know that you’re unhappy. You have been for quite awhile apparently, and you should know that the longer you drag this out, the more it’s going to hurt in the end. Hurt you. Hurt Raj. Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t try. If that’s what you truly want to do and if you think it really will make you happy… I’ll support you.”

Alec nodded and gave her a smile. The best smile he could muster at this point even though it felt like a chore and he knew it would never pass as genuine happiness. 

Her eyes flickered knowingly when she looked at his smile. He let it drop. 

_ I guess that’s the point of this conversation _ , he thought. No more pretending.

“Thanks, Maia.” 

“It’s what friends are for, Alec.”

His chest still felt heavy but no amount of confession would relieve the guilt he felt. That would just be something he would have to live with until he could, hopefully one day, forget about Magnus. 

He leaned forward and pecked a kiss on her forehead. “I should go. Our program goes live next week and I have a lot of last minute work to do.”

“Just think about what I said, okay?” She reached up on her toes to kiss his cheek, pulling back with a pained pout. 

“I know. I know. I need to shave.” Alec laughed as he walked away, throwing a quick wave over his shoulder. “And I’ll think about it.”

“But I think you should know one more thing,” Maia called out. 

He stopped and turned to her. “What’s that?”

She stood there silently as a gust of wind blew a mess of leaves across the ground. The scratchy sound of them skittering across the concrete loud until the wind settled. 

Her hesitant smile grew, starting with a curl in one corner until she was smirking at him as if she knew some grand secret. And he supposed that this time she did.

“Magnus looks at you the same way.” 

 

* * *

  
  


Alec sat at his desk.

His work was still untouched in front of him. 

Their music program would begin on Monday. That would give him and Magnus two days to make sure everything was perfect. They had each been putting in extra hours after work. Alec at his desk, getting in touch with foster families and other caseworkers, spreading the word of their program while Magnus worked from his office, preparing final program schedules and lesson plans. He hadn’t seen Magnus since his birthday party almost a week past now and they had scarcely sent a friendly, personal text to each other. Everything between them this week had remained strictly professional. 

It was for the best. 

Despite what Maia had said, he had decided to give his relationship with Raj another chance. Six years was a long time to throw away based on his best friend’s observations. And in the end, that’s all they were— observations with no merit.

Alec stilled his drumming fingers and checked the message that popped up on his lockscreen.

 

_ Maia: _

__ \- Daily reminder that for the record, I think you should take the chance. _ _

 

 

Alec sighed and powered off his screen. He didn’t need this right now. Maia couldn’t be right, and even if she was, it didn’t change the fact that Magnus was in a committed relationship. Even if Alec ended things with Raj, that fact would remain the same. Magnus would be no more available to him then as he is now. 

He ignored the nagging guilt that tugged at him, telling him that staying with Raj just because Magnus was unavailable was a terrible thing to do—unforgivable even—and unfair to him, unfair to the both of them. 

His phone chimed again and then again, the consecutive buzzing loud on the wooden desktop, serving to jolt him out of his thoughts. 

 

_ Raj: _

__ \- Don’t forget about dinner. _ _

_ -You’ll make it, right? _

 

 

_ Alec: _

__ \- Of course. I’m leaving right now. _ _

 

 

_ Raj: _

__ \- :) see you soon _ _

 

 

Alec pushed away from his desk and took his coat from the mount on the wall. He shoved his phone deep into his pocket and left the office, locking the door behind him. 

He had promised Raj a night just the two of them, no work, and no distractions. 

He stepped out of the cab that was stopped in the standstill traffic and crossed the busy street to make his way by foot to the restaurant where he and Raj had their first date. Alec wanted to make this night special. He wanted to try and bring back the fun, love struck version of himself that Raj had fallen in love with all those years ago. He told himself this morning that he would do everything he could to channel that Alec from six years ago. To look at Raj and see the man he had fallen in love with. To listen to his stories and remember how the sound of his voice used to make his heart stutter. He would hold Raj’s hand on the table and remember what it was like to be young and in love.

He wound through the tables until he spotted Raj at a candlelit table in the corner, secluded from everyone else. He sat there, his phone in hand, thumb scrolling across the screen playing one of the many games he often played to kill time. 

Alec stopped and took in a breath. 

If he focused, he could feel the flutter in his stomach. 

That’s what he would tell himself. 

Raj’s eyes glanced up and Alec could only assume he was checking to see if he had arrived. His lips formed a smile and then quickly dropped, confusion twisting his lip instead as he waved Alec over to their table. 

Alec huffed out a laugh. He was sure he looked ridiculous standing in the middle of the restaurant staring at him. 

He could do this. He was determined on focusing all of his attention on his boyfriend tonight. No confusing thoughts, no second guesses, and most importantly, no Magnus. He readied himself, quieting his mind with a deep breath and quickly crossed the rest of the dining room. 

\--

 

Alec’s mind felt warm from the wine. His chest tired from the laughter he and Raj had shared over dinner, telling each other almost forgotten stories of their past. 

Enjoying his night with Raj had been surprisingly easy. He had missed nights like these where they could laugh until their sides hurt. Everything else aside. They had always been great at being friends.

Their server passed by them and Alec turned in his seat quickly to catch their attention. “Another glass of Merlot, please?”

The server bowed their head and flitted off to the bar with the promise of being right back with his wine.  

Alec turned back around when he heard the gentle tap of Raj setting something on the table. He looked down and felt his throat thicken, his mind immediately clearing of its alcohol induced fog. 

The black velvet box sat in the center of the table, imposingly, staring at him, representing all at once everything Alec knew he didn’t want with Raj. He thought he could do this—and pretend—but seeing this symbol of a future together...he couldn’t breathe. 

He tried to remind himself that this was everything he should want, after all, he’d spent the last six years building a life with Raj. He’d spent all those years steering them in this direction. He shouldn’t be surprised and in all honesty, he wasn’t, that Raj had felt the time was right. But staring down at the box with its soft textured shell—it didn’t feel right. This situation didn’t feel right. Raj didn’t feel right for him.

“Raj…” Alec’s voice croaked and he did a quick clearing of his throat.

“I’m sorry if this is sudden for you, but for me, it’s been a long time coming. It’s what I’ve wanted for years now; I don’t know what’s taken me so long to ask.”

Alec felt as if every word Raj spoke was draining the breath right out of him. He hated this. He wanted to stop him from saying more and putting his heart out there more than he already had. He wanted to save him from any further embarrassment. He opened his mouth to do as much but stopped when nothing came, only a breath, heavy with his reluctance. 

Raj held a finger up to stop him.

“Let me,” Raj said with a nervous laugh. “I’ve been picturing how this would go for years now and suddenly it’s not quite going the way I thought it would. I thought I would know what to say.”

Alec felt his hand trembling on the tabletop, the box only inches away from him. Raj reached out and rested his hand on top of Alec’s, the once comforting weight not settling him the way it once used to. Instead it did more to make Alec’s stomach fall in on itself when he felt Raj’s fingers lightly smoothing over his wrist.

“I have loved you for six years, Alec. I think I fell in love with you the moment I first saw you and all this time, there hasn’t been a doubt in my mind that marrying you and growing old with you is what I want.” Raj paused to let out a despondent chuckle. “I thought you were on the same page but considering you look as if you’ve seen a ghost, I’m guessing I caught you off guard.”

Raj’s smile dropped at the edges as if his entire world had stopped spinning just for this moment; a moment that was supposed to encapsulate the journey of their love and begin the adventure of a life they would embark on together. His eyes nervously flicked back and forth between Alec’s, pleading for Alec to say something— _ anything _ . 

The knot in Alec’s stomach rose in his throat as hesitation overtook him, pushing its way out until he felt as if he would choke on it. 

Raj’s shoulders collapsed, his smile falling completely as he swallowed and lowered his brown eyes to look down at their joined hands. He heaved out a long sigh and Alec wondered if he was coming to the understanding that there was a very real possibility that perhaps his dreams and love were not, in fact, reciprocated as he thought they were.

The hurt was there, waiting to strike. Raj had given Alec power over his heart. It was a power Alec did not want. Alec could make this man—this incredibly kind and good man—the happiest man in the world or he could tear the world and all his love down around him. 

Alec tried to speak but only a hitching breath escaped. He looked back down at the case that Raj now held in his palm. He couldn’t bear to see the pain in Raj’s eyes. 

He heard Raj clear his throat quietly. “You don’t have to answer right away.” Raj took the box and pressed it in the palm of Alec’s hand. “Take the ring and think about it, will you?”

Alec looked up from the box and found Raj looking back at him with so much love and hope in his eyes that he hated himself for feeling this way and for doing this to such a good man. 

He let out a shaky breath. Could he do this? Could he tell Raj ‘no’ right now and watch his heart break? Could he say ‘yes’ and forget everything else he had been feeling for the past nine months? Forget everything he felt for Magnus? 

Perhaps he had been wrong. Maybe this was how it should have always been. He and Raj, married. 

The thought of that alone made his mind spin. He didn’t want that—he was sure—or at least he thought he was sure. 

He couldn't do it. He couldn’t hurt Raj, not tonight. They had been having such a good night.

“Okay,” Alec agreed quietly and swallowed down the self-loathing he felt was ready to purge out of him.

He was a fucking coward. 

Raj let out a sigh of relief and smiled. 

The sight made Alec’s stomach clench. He should have told him. Now he was only making it worse. Providing hope when he shouldn't. When he wasn’t sure he could promise this future to him.

Raj leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth. “I love you, Alec.”

Alec closed his eyes and sucked in a breath. He hoped when Raj looked at him that he could have at least a fraction of the love Raj had for him in his eyes. He let his mouth turn up into a small smile, the response he had been saying back to Raj for years dying on his lips.   
  


* * *

 

 

Two days of ‘thinking’ later and Alec now had the white gold band wrapped around his ring finger. 

It was the right thing to do. 

No matter how disappointed Maia had been underneath her congratulatory smiles and well wishes, and despite her advice, he knew that this was the right thing to do. He chose to tell her this morning over coffee with Raj by his side. Raj announcing proudly that Alec had  _ ‘said yes!’ _ when it in fact had just been an act of sliding the ring on to get a feel for it, Raj catching him, and Alec being unable to disappoint him.

Maia had called him at least six times since breakfast and every time he had ignored her, choosing to press the button to reject her call rather than be confronted by her logical truths. He would deal with her later.

Today, he had to go to Magnus’ school and meet with the journalist who would be writing an article about their program. 

He buttoned his suit jacket and examined it once before unbuttoning it, choosing to let the gray and black plaid sweater show completely. 

Today would be the first time he’d seen Magnus in a week. And the first day for him to begin the process of getting over him.

He had a future with Raj to begin.

 

He arrived at the school in time to see a photographer taking pictures of the exterior of the school. Alec snuck past him, slipping in through the front door. And all at once, yet again, time seemed to stop when Magnus smiled at him from across the room. 

“Alexander!” Magnus greeted and Alec had missed the sound of his name in Magnus’ smooth as silk voice.

“Magnus.” Alec grinned and crossed the room, hands stuffed in his pockets. 

Magnus met him, shoulders swaying, head tipped back slightly to look at him with a smile that rounded the apples of his cheeks. “And here I was beginning to worry that you might never show, and I would never again get to see that pretty face.”

Alec blushed and then immediately pursed his lips together, trying to pull the warmth away from his cheeks. He was already failing at his number one mission of getting over Magnus Bane. “We’re being interviewed, how could I not show?”

Magnus shrugged one shoulder up and then whirled around, returning to the display for their program. “It’s good to see you, all the same.”

“It’s good to see you too.”

Magnus straightened a flyer. “I’m afraid I’ve gotten in the bad habit of seeing you almost everyday.” He flashed a coy smile in Alec’s direction. “I’m going to be in for a rude awakening once this project is up and running and no longer in your constant care.”

Alec joined Magnus. “This program is my baby. It will always be in my constant care.” He smiled proudly at the display. “Have to say I’ve gotten used to seeing you almost everyday too. It was... _ odd _ not seeing you at all this past week.”

Magnus scrunched his nose in a show of distaste. “I can’t say I liked it very much.”

“I can’t say I did either,” Alec agreed with a chuckle.

Magnus hummed and then moved to stand side-by-side with Alec, so close that Alec could smell the intoxicating scent of his cologne and see the sparkles of glitter in his hair shining out of the corner of his eye.

Alec felt the pressing touch of Magnus’ hand run along the small of his back, effectively sending a shiver up his spine. He froze, unable to move, and even more unwilling to shrug away from his touch. He knew he needed to but he couldn't. 

Magnus’ hand now reached his side and it stopped. 

“You’re about to change the lives of so many foster kids, Alexander, how does that make you feel?” Magnus’ voice had taken on the lilt of a professional show host.

Alec let his body relax and he did his best not to focus on the burning touch that curved around his hip or the fact that Magnus’ arm was wrapped firmly around him, pulling him into his space that smelled of spice and cold mornings in the fall; and felt like coming home to the warmth of a fire after a long day. He inhaled deeply, breathing in the feeling, reveling in it. 

This peaceful moment of silence was enough for him. He could stay like this forever. 

He angled his head to the side, finally breaking the silence and bringing himself back down to the present, to speak out of the corner of his mouth in his best interviewee voice. “Well, Sir, I feel absolutely incredible. This is a dream come true but I gotta tell ya, none of this would have been possible without my amazingly kind and generous partner...Magnus Bane.”

Magnus snorted out a giggle. “You’re good at this. You’re going to  _ kill _ this interview.”

“That’s honestly the only answer I have,” Alec resigned with a shrug. “To make it through this I had to come up with an excellent strategy.”

Magnus hummed. “And what strategy is that?”

“To direct all attention away from me and send it all to you. You like the attention, right?”

Magnus gasped. “Should I be offended by this?”

“Not at all.” Alec laughed. “You’re confident and fearless.”

Magnus preened.

“I love that about you.” 

This confession was the closest he would allow. It was all he was free to give and only a fraction of how he really felt. 

Alec caught the bashful way Magnus dipped his head, a broad smile cutting through rose colored cheeks. 

He looked up again and met Alec's eyes unapologetically, no longer bothering to hide his flushed cheeks. He was beautiful. 

He released his hold on Alec’s waist, dragging his arm hesitantly away and cleared his throat, the smile never leaving his face. “You’re absolutely incredible. And you have one of the biggest hearts I’ve ever come to know. You have no shortage of love to give.” Magnus met his eyes. “That's what I love about you, Alexander. So don’t sell yourself short when they ask about you.”

Alec tried not to hold onto those words. He tried and he failed. Falling out of love with Magnus would quite possibly be the hardest thing he would ever have to do. Especially if he kept saying things like that, and Alec suspected that he always would. It was who he was. He’d been generous and kind with his words of affirmation from the day they met and all throughout their friendship he would offer praises that would cause a heat to flush in Alec’s chest. 

He licked his lips and bit down on the smile that pulled at his mouth. The heat in his face was not even worth trying to hide at this point. “I’ll try not to.”

“Good,” Magnus mused with a nudge of his elbow. “I have some news to share that I think you might be happy to hear.”

“Oh yeah? About the program?” Alec asked, intrigued. 

Magnus bit down on his lip in obvious excitement. “This is on a more personal level—”

Alec’s phone buzzed with a loud ring in his pocket, and Magnus paused, nodding for Alec to go ahead and answer. 

With a quick apology and without thinking, Alec pulled out his phone. The screen flashing a call from a private number. He rejected the call with a hiss and an eyeroll. “Unknown caller. Sorry, you were saying?” 

He noticed Magnus drift away from him in slow steps, mouth slacked open in confusion, and his focus narrowed in on...

His ring.

This wasn’t how he wanted to tell Magnus. He wanted to catch up with him first. He wanted things to be like they had been over the past nine months, he didn’t want to begin their reunion with his engagement hanging between them.

Magnus quickly schooled his shocked features into one of amusement with a half smile on his face. “Wow. You didn’t tell me congratulations were in order. If I had known…”

Alec looked down at the ring and then instinctively curled his hand into a fist before stuffing it in his pocket again.

“I do hope it’s just an engagement because I would hate to think you had a beautiful wedding and forgot to invite me.” Magnus smiled sadly and then moved significantly further away from him, busying himself with the display again. 

“No, no, it’s not like that—well it’s not a—I’m not married. Not yet, at least,” Alec stuttered.

“Just betrothed?” Magnus asked sharply, pointedly and obviously avoiding meeting Alec’s eyes.

Alec sighed. “Yeah.”

Magnus nodded and swallowed roughly.

“Magnus?” Alec stepped in and reached for Magnus’ arm. He wanted to pull him in and pull him close—

Magnus took a step back and looked up at him, finally meeting his eyes. “I’m happy for you. And Raj...well, Raj is a lucky guy.”

A million thoughts raced through his already overcrowded and perpetually confused mind. A million thoughts turned into a million questions but he only wanted the answer to one. Why had the news of his engagement killed every trace of happiness Magnus had just had in his eyes? Alec knew why or at least he thought he did, he hoped he did, and he hoped he was right but he wanted to hear Magnus say it. He didn't want to make assumptions. He wanted more than anything to cancel these interviews so that they could have a moment alone to talk. He had waited too long and now he could see that perhaps Maia was right. Maybe Magnus did look at him the same way and Alec had been too confused and stupid to notice. 

But there was Camille. Ugly, manipulative, abusive Camille who didn’t deserve to even exist in the same world as Magnus, much less have his heart and abuse it the way she did. She was still in the picture and no matter what Alec felt— he was not going to be some affair. And Magnus needed to know that he deserved more than that. He deserved to have someone who would cherish every moment of their time together, counting and blessing every second that passed that they got to spend in his company. 

“Mr. Bane?”

Magnus tore his gaze away from Alec and turned to the blonde woman in her suit, hair braided back, and a face that meant business. 

“Yes?” Magnus choked out.

“We’re ready for you.”

Alec kept his eyes on Magnus and held his hand up. “Just...give us a minute.”

Magnus nodded at the woman and smiled kindly. “I’ll be right there.”

She glanced between the two of them, seemingly putting together that she had interrupted them. She raised her brows in a way that showed she was dying to ask questions but wouldn’t until she was granted her time. 

Once she was out of earshot, Alec rounded on Magnus, placing a hand on his elbow and tugging him in gently towards him. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” The apology sounded stupid once it was out but he meant it. He really wished he would have mentioned it sooner instead of springing it on him in the form of a shining ring he had never worn before. “But if there's anything you want to tell m—”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about. It’s your life,” Magnus interrupted with a tip of his head and a forced smile. Magnus drew in a deep breath and let the smile grow. “Time for me to go dazzle elsewhere. See you later, Alec.”

He veered around Alec to join the blonde journalist, arms open wide, and the brightest cheer anyone had ever seen on his face. 

Alec felt his heart sink deeper into his chest as he watched Magnus walk away, not bothering to look back.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know a lot of you will probably be mad at Alec in this chapter and I get it but try to understand, he's confused and nothing makes sense to him right now. :"( my poor son
> 
> Thanks go out to Lu and Meg for their help with editing this chapter (see a pattern here? They edited every chapter but i will still thank them each time lol). Couldn't have done this without y'all!
> 
> Let me know what you liked and if there were any parts that stood out to you. Comment, tweet, however you want :)
> 
>  
> 
> Until tomorrow!
> 
> -xoxo  
> J


	6. 6.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your responses on yesterday's chapter. It was a holiday for me and I was busy with family so I'm sorry I did not have a chance to respond to them, especially considering there were a few I would have loved to respond to if only to provide clarification on what Alec is going through. But, if I sat and did that today, I would not be able to get to this chapter until later tonight and I know a lot of you are in different time zones so that would mess up the posting schedule I've promised you. 
> 
> -This is not an easy story to tell, love is a complicated thing, feelings are extremely complicated and when you've shared so much of your life with one person, I promise, no matter how you know you feel *deep down* there is always confusion. Alec knows he loves Raj, he cares about him, he's been a part of his life for a long time so that puts his brain and his heart at war. Sometimes following your gut isn't so easy. There are a lot of questions you ask yourself and although you know you KNOW the answer, you often start to question if you're right. Mistakes are made and oftentimes in these situations those mistakes are not intentional or made to hurt the other person. Sometimes what you think you're doing to save the other person from pain is exactly the thing that will hurt them. He's confused and holding on to a part of his life that has been safe for him for a very long time. That doesn't make it right or okay but we're all human and we all make mistakes. Alec knows deep down what he needs to do but it doesn't make the decision any easier.- 
> 
>  
> 
> sorry! I didn't plan on including that there but it was something I needed to say. Although, I'm sure I could have said more, that's all i will say before dragging you all into this chapter. 
> 
> happy reading!!
> 
> as always, you can use the tag #twisbfic for your reactions

 

Alec wiped the dripping cold water from his face. He hung his head, sleep still pulling at his eyelids, while he pushed against the sink with his palms to keep himself standing. 

He could hear his phone chime sounding from the darkened bedroom and he dreaded checking the messages for what was shaping out to be a busy day at work. He hadn’t had the chance to stop by Magnus’ school at all the past week having been too busy with the paperwork on the back end of things for the program. 

He let out a tired groan and trudged his way into the bedroom, scratching at his tangled mass of hair.

Raj was still sleeping, shirtless and wrapped in a nest of blankets.

Alec’s phone pinged again, Magnus’ name lighting up on his lock screen. 

His heart sputtered to life, beating at a rapid fire pace. His hands trembled as he placed his thumb on top of the button to unlock his phone and pulled up the gray and blue text thread.

_ Magnus: _

_ \- Today’s the day!  _

Alec scratched at the stubble on his neck. It was too early and he was too tired to even begin to try and figure out what Magnus was so excited about. He went through their conversation over the past week. The music program had only a couple of hiccups so far, requiring some corrections, which they had made, together. There was no event Alec could think of that would call for this level of excitement at five thirty in the morning.  
  


_ Alec: _

_ \- What’s today? _

Magnus’ response was instant. 

_ Magnus: _

_ \- You’re joking, right? _

_ \- Our article in the paper? How? Did? You? Forget? About? This? _

 

“Oh shit,” Alec whispered to himself, causing Raj to moan in his sleep and turn over onto his other side. 

Alec snuck out of the bedroom. He didn’t want to risk waking Raj up this early, and it was kind of nice being able to casually text with Magnus again. Things had been a bit tense between them since the interviews. So much so Alec had begun to worry that perhaps their friendship, or whatever it was they had, had run its course. But Magnus had not mentioned the engagement since then, instead choosing to move forward with their working relationship as if that entire conversation had never happened between them. Only it was obvious it had because gone were the slightly flirtatious comments, the compliments, and playful banter. 

Alec missed what they’d had.

 

_ Alec: _

_ \- Considering it’s not even six in the morning and I haven’t had coffee yet…  _

 

_ Magnus: _

_ \- Uh oh. Is this grumpy morning Alec? _

 

Alec laughed and leaned forward on the cold tile of the kitchen counter. 

Maybe things would go back to how they used to be. Maybe they could go back to what they had before. Maybe Alec could fall out of love with him and then they could have their friendship again. 

 

_ Alec: _

_ \-  _ _ Yes it is.  _

 

_ Magnus: _

_ \- Well, grumpy morning Alec, please tell normal Alec that our article comes out today and that he better text me the minute he reads it.  _

 

Alec smiled as he poured himself a cup of coffee. Yes, this was good. This was their new start with conversation slowly going back to normal between them, or so he could tell himself if he continued to ignore the fact that Magnus had started calling him ‘Alec’ as opposed to ‘Alexander’ this past week. Which was something Alec never expected to miss or even care about until it had ceased. Now, he felt like he was being punished every time Magnus called him just ‘Alec’.

So, yeah, if Alec ignored that one detail then he could pretend things were beginning to go back to the way they used to be before Alec stupidly decided not to tell Magnus right away that he had become engaged to Raj.   
  


_ Alec: _

_ \- Got it.  _

 

_ Magnus: _

_ \- And Alec? _

 

_ Alec: _

_ \- yes, Magnus? _

 

_ Magnus: _

_\- Don’t cheat and look up the article online. Hard copy first THEN digital. We have_ _to experience this the right way._

 

_ Alec: _

_ \- I didn’t know there was a right way but okay. _

 

_ Magnus: _

_\- There’s not an official ‘right way’ per se but I think we agreed at some point that we_ _would wait to see it in the paper._

 _\- I think we also discussed waiting until we were together to see it but I know life is_ _busy so that part of the arrangement won’t work out._

 

Alec stared down at his phone. Why couldn’t it work out? Maybe he could make it work.  _ Maybe I can come by, _ he wanted to say. 

_ Alec: _

_ \- Unfortunately.  _

 

_ Magnus:  _

_ -Yeah… unfortunately. _

_ \- How have you been?  _

 

_ Alec: _

_ \- Fine. You? _

 

_ Magnus:  _

_ \- I’ve been great. We’ve missed having you around at the school.  _

 

Alec set his phone down and dropped his head back with a heaving exhale. 

He missed this. 

He missed Magnus.

 

_ Alec: _

_ \- I’ve missed going.  _

_ -I’m sorry things have been busy. _

 

_ Magnus: _

_\- No need to be sorry. Work, a fiancé…those are things that will keep a man busy_ _that’s for sure._

 

_ Alec: _

_ \- Mainly work.  _

 

_ Magnus: _

_\- Well if you can find the time in your busy schedule, you should stop by sometime_ _next week._

 

_ Alec: _

_ \- I’d love that. I can’t make any promises but I’ll do my best. _

 

_ Magnus: _

_ \- That’s more than enough :) I hope it works out. _

 

_ Alec: _

_ \- It will. I’ll make sure of it. _

 

_ Magnus:  _

_ \- I thought you just said no promises? _

 

_ Alec: _

_ \- Well I’m taking that back. _

_ \- Magnus, I PROMISE I will come visit you next week.  _

 

_ Magnus: _

_ \- :) I look forward to it. _

 

_ Alec: _

_ \- Me too.  _

 

* * *

 

The week came and went and now he was halfway through his second week without seeing Magnus. He’d made a promise to visit and he intended on keeping it. 

He put away the last file and shut down his computer to leave early for the day. 

The ride to Brooklyn was longer than usual but he didn’t mind one bit. The excitement at seeing Magnus again hummed through his body. He didn’t know how it would be in person between them but just the thought of seeing him again had his heart alight. 

Alec stepped into the school and breathed in the familiar scent of rich wood. The scratching sounds of violin practice came from the room to his right and down the hall he could hear the deep notes of Luke playing the cello accompanied by soft piano keys. Over the past nine months this school had started to feel like a second home, having spent so much of his after work hours here, preparing the program, preparing the instructors for their students. Late night Chinese dinners and Greek lunches crammed between busy schedules, sitting on the weathered hardwood floors or at Magnus’ desk. 

Alec smiled to himself.

He walked over to Magnus’ office, the door was closed but he knew what he would find behind it. Magnus would be sitting at his desk, either working on a spreadsheet or writing out a lesson plan in the black frayed notebook he kept beside him. 

He slid out of his coat and draped it over his arm, pausing at the closed door, hesitating and taking steady breaths to calm the blood coursing through him like a roaring fire. 

He rapped at the door with his knuckle. 

A shuffle of paper, the creaking sound of aged leather, the click of Magnus’ heeled boots, the hammering of his heart against his ribs, the gentle turn of the golden knob, the air rushing out of his lungs, the sound of rusting hinges squeaking, and then…Magnus.

He was more beautiful than Alec remembered and it had only been about two weeks. He had almost forgotten how dark Magnus’ eyes could be but as dark as they were, they glowed amber when the sunlight hit them just right, like it was doing now, streaming in through the window. The golden glimmering brown of his skin was richer than he had pictured when he laid awake at nights. His smile—Alec wanted to see his smile, he wanted to know what it felt like to have a smile meant just for him again. 

“Alexander.”

Alec smiled. His name. The only name he ever wanted to be called, spoken in the only voice he ever wanted to hear for the rest of his life. 

“Magnus.”

Magnus’ lips with their color of soft pink, curled and spread open into a grin. He smiled with his cheeks and then parted his lips to show his full smile. Alec’s heart stopped—or maybe it beat so fast he could no longer feel it. 

He moved without thinking, unable to stop himself before he had his arms wrapped around Magnus, pulling him flush against his chest, burying his nose in the raven black strands of his hair. 

Magnus’ body, with all its muscle and strength, melted at the touch. He relaxed into Alec’s hold and wrapped his own arms around Alec, returning the hug with fervor. 

Alec smoothed his hands up the hard line of muscle running along Magnus’ spine. “I missed you,” he whispered, too afraid to say it any louder than that but wanting to say it because it was the truth. He had missed Magnus and clearly more than he realized. 

Magnus hummed into their hug, the sound reverberating throughout Alec’s chest, sending a chill across his skin. “I missed you too,” he confessed quietly, cautiously, but a confession all the same. 

Alec smiled. He rested his cheek into the bed of Magnus’ hair, breathing in the scent of citrus, the strands tickling his nose with every inhale. 

He broke the hug before it carried on too long. He couldn’t risk doing this but he also knew when the day came for him to look back on his life, hugging Magnus would never be a regret of his—never. 

He was sure he would have many regrets in his life, but Magnus would not be one of those. He was quite sure the opposite would be the case. He knew he would regret never finding out what could have been.

“Please come in,” Magnus said, pulling back to allow space for Alec to pass.

Alec entered the office and let Magnus close the door behind him, just as he had done many times before. This was no different than any of their other meetings but all the same, something  _ was _ different. The way Magnus said his name, the way he smiled, the way he held him, wasn’t nothing. It was something. It was something Alec desperately wanted the answer to but not something he would demand from him.

Alec had a seat in his usual spot across from Magnus. 

Magnus dropped gracefully into his own chair with a delicate crossing of his legs. 

His eyes danced playfully as a grin spread. “You kept your promise.”

“I wouldn’t have promised if I hadn’t intended on keeping it.”

“No, I guess you wouldn’t. That wouldn’t be like you at all,” Magnus noted.

Alec tipped his head, nonchalantly shrugging a shoulder. “I  _ really  _ wanted to see you.”

Pink bloomed across the skin of Magnus’ cheeks.

“How have you been?” Alec asked, a smile tugging at his lips.

Two weeks wasn’t truly a long time to go without speaking to someone, but to him two weeks without Magnus felt like an eternity. He had gotten so used to hearing Magnus recap his days when they spoke on the phone after work, each of them going their separate ways on long commutes. The recent decline in conversation had taken its toll. 

Magnus turned the glittering ring on his index finger. “Busy”—he laughed—“but better than ever.”

“I’ve been hearing great things about ‘Mr. Bane’ from my teens,” Alec said.

Shock flashed in Magnus’ eyes. “You have?”

Alec nodded enthusiastically. “You may be an even bigger hit than the program is.”

Magnus rolled his eyes. “Now you’re exaggerating.”

“I’m not and I’m pretty sure Elias wants to marry you.”

Magnus hummed. “Oh, Elias. He’s proving to be exceptionally talented. He’s been a pleasure to teach.”

“He’s a good kid.”

Magnus arched his back in his seat and adjusted the tightly fitted vest before leaning forward, elbows on the desk, chin resting delicately in his palm. “What about you?” His eyes passed over the band on Alec’s finger and then made their way back up to meet Alec’s gaze. “What’s been going on in your busy life?”

Alec licked his lips and brushed his thumb along the back of the ring, wanting nothing more than to take it off and throw it as far away from himself as possible. “Nothing’s going on with me right now—absolutely nothing. Well, nothing of importance that is."

A wrinkle formed a million questions in the center of Magnus’ brows. He chewed on his bottom lip as if debating on whether or not to put a voice to them. Alec wanted him to. He wanted him to ask the truth of him, he wanted to give it. Maybe if he were asked and maybe if he told the truth then this could all be different. He wouldn’t have dread riding on his back every day that passed further and further into this engagement. He wanted Magnus to ask him to change his mind, to choose him instead. It was ridiculous to want this of someone he had never been in a relationship with. And it was ludicrous to think anything good could possibly come of it. His love for Magnus would hurt someone no matter which path he took in this life. He would hurt Raj if Raj were to ever find out Alec’s true feelings; and he would hurt himself by staying in this relationship and pushing aside his feelings for Magnus. Either way, someone would come out of this wounded.

Magnus’ curiosity set brow relaxed. “I take it there’s no plans for the wedding yet?”

Alec tensed in his seat. “No. No plans.”

Magnus laced his fingers together and looked down at his palms, nodding.

“I don’t think there will be any plans any time soon, at least not for a while,” Alec added.

“I guess there’s no need to rush things,” Magnus said, hope lingering behind each word. 

Alec shook his head. “There really isn’t.”

“How did he ask?”

The question hung in the air between them and Magnus pulled his eyes away from his own hands and drew in a deep breath before locking his gaze on Alec. 

Alec swallowed, his response thick and congested in his throat.

Why was he doing this to him?

Surely he could see. Surely he knew.

“He—” 

“I’m sorry.” Magnus chuckled disparagingly. “I shouldn’t have asked. That’s something personal between the two of you and I’ve clearly made you uncomfortable. You absolutely do not have to share it with me.”

“It’s”—Alec shook his head and scratched at the scar in his brow—“it’s not private. He -uh- asked me over dinner.”

Magnus’ mouth turned down in disapproval, a reaction he surely had meant to keep hidden. “Did he get down on one knee and have a romantic speech prepared?” Magnus asked, each word coming out with a mocking bite.

Alec snorted. “No and he—kind of flubbed on the speech but—“

“It worked all the same,” Magnus cut in, his eyes cold and his words bitter. 

_ No, _ Alec thought,  _ it hadn’t worked.  _ He had been too afraid to disappoint, too cowardly to hurt Raj by ending things, thus putting him in this position. 

Alec sighed. “I mean—I—I guess you could say that.”

Magnus’ mouth relaxed from its hard line and a forced smile replaced it. “I would. You  _ are _ wearing the ring.”

Alec pulled the ring up and over his knuckle and then pushed it back down. “Yes. I am,” he rasped out quietly.

Magnus rose from his seat, pushing the chair back with his legs. He walked over to the small wooden cabinet in the corner of his office and took out the decanter of whiskey he kept hidden in there to indulge in on nights when the work day had been particularly long. He poured a finger of whiskey in two glasses and set one down in front of Alec. He resumed his seat and drank from his glass with closed eyes. 

Alec took a drink of his own, the smooth taste warming him on its way down and giving him a much needed boost of courage. “Is there something wrong?”

Magnus swirled the contents of his glass before taking a sip and shaking his head. “Why would you think something’s wrong?”

Alec scoffed. “I don’t know… maybe because of the way you’re acting?”

Magnus threw back the last of his whiskey, roughly setting the glass down on the desk. He sighed heavily. “I’m sorry. It’s just… been a long day.”

“If talking about my engagement offends you—”

“I’m happy for you, Alexander.”

“Are you? Because I can’t help but feel as if something about it upsets you. Or if I’ve done something to upset you… I wish you would just tell me so I can apologize.”

Magnus rubbed at his temple, his shoulders slumping tiredly as he worked his fingers in small circles. “I’m sorry. I’m being a terrible friend. I should be thrilled for you, and I am. The engagement just caught—I guess a part of me is—you know what? Never mind. It’s stupid.”

“No, it’s not. You can tell me.”

Magnus dropped his hands and pulled his lips back into a tight frown. “It’s really nothing.”

“Then why did you ask?”

The silence that filled the room felt impenetrable. Not even the high pitched scratchy sounds of violin could be heard in here. Magnus’ entire body stilled as he sat there watching. Waiting. Waiting for what, Alec didn’t know. He couldn’t even pretend to know what thoughts ran through Magnus’ head. If they were the same thoughts he had constantly sprinting through his. 

Magnus sucked in a quiet breath and lifted his shoulders, shaking his head, the motions small. “I just— _ wanted _ to know.”

There wasn’t enough whiskey in his glass to have this conversation. The last thing Alec wanted to talk about was his engagement to Raj. He slowly emptied the last of his whiskey, the burn smooth and mild along his nerves. “Did my answer satisfy your curiosity?”

“More or less.” Magnus chuckled out a laugh. Its usual melodic cadence now beaten and vacant.

Alec nodded. He didn’t know what else to do.

Magnus straightened his back and flashed Alec a grin.  He cleared the desk, moving their now empty glasses aside and with them the stifling topic of his engagement.  “I got you something.”

Magnus set a wide box wrapped in brown paper on the desktop, a piece of twine crossed over it and tied with a simple bow. “Happy belated birthday, Alexander.”

Alec pulled the heavy box closer to him. “You didn’t have to get me a gift.”

“No one said I had to. I  _ wanted _ to.” Magnus nudged the box another inch in Alec’s direction. “Hurry up and open it. I’ve been dying to give it to you.”

Alec grabbed opposing ends of the twine and yanked them apart, snapping them in half. He paused, fingers curled over the folded edge of the paper. Magnus bounced lightly in his seat, boasting an incredibly satisfied grin. “Are you sure you’re excited about this? I kinda get the feeling that you’re not excited enough.”

Magnus’ hand flashed out, quickly tearing the edge of the paper. “Oh hush up and open it already.”

“So impatient,” Alec tutted. 

Magnus rolled his eyes.

Alec rolled his eyes back at him and finished tearing the paper away from where Magnus had started. 

Set in a thick, walnut frame, rested their music program’s article in between glass panes. On the left was the article itself, and on the right were the photos that were taken of them. Alec standing there with his black suit jacket over his gray and black plaid sweater; Magnus to his right in his trim fitted gray suit and royal blue neck tie. They had posed many different ways that day. But this was the only picture that was taken of the two of them together. Alec wasn’t even aware they were shooting at the time. He had been standing there, hands in his pockets to hide his ring, lost in thought, internally spiraling over how he and Magnus had left their conversation. Magnus stood beside him, avoiding eye contact, avoiding him entirely. This was the only picture they had of them. 

Alec could do without the picture of himself, sitting there, staring at the camera, not even smiling because he didn’t know what he was supposed to do. He much preferred the photo of Magnus sitting alone, looking away from the camera, yet somehow still capturing all the attention for himself. All three pictures had been included on the same page in the article and Magnus had framed the spread exactly as it came. At least he would always have this. 

“You hate it, don’t you?” Magnus questioned, unsure.

Alec smiled down at the frame and then shook his head. “Not at all.”

Alec stood from his seat and walked around to the back of the desk as Magnus rose from his chair— his entire body stiff, hands anxiously twisting together. Alec curved his hand around Magnus’ elbow and pulled him in tightly against his body. He brought his other arm up and around, curving his hand around the base of Magnus’ neck. He rested his cheek against him and held him until he felt the tension Magnus held ease. Magnus wrapped his arms around his waist, and tipped his cheek against Alec’s neck. 

Magnus sighed, his warm breath softly pouring against the sensitive skin of Alec’s neck. 

Alec hugged Magnus tighter. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Magnus whispered, his lips ghosting across Alec’s skin and the collar of his shirt. 

Alec closed his eyes, allowing himself to enjoy this moment. This second hug. The smell of Magnus’ skin, the warmth of their bodies together, and Magnus’ heart thrumming against Alec’s chest was dangerous—addicting. 

Alec forced himself to pull back, but kept his arms halfway wrapped around Magnus. He couldn’t let go, not yet, not when holding Magnus felt so right. Like he belonged in Alec’s arms.

Magnus kept his arms in place, his fingers slowly tickling in soft circles along Alec’s back. “I figured you could hang it in your office, so you can see it everyday and be proud of what you’ve accomplished."

“I will.”

“You will… hang it up in your office? Or be proud of what you accomplished?” Magnus asked, teasingly.

“Both.” Alec chuckled, his thumb gliding along the hair at the nape of Magnus’ neck, stopping just before he could lose all control and do what he longed to do. To run his fingers up the back of Magnus’ hair and crash their lips together. To finally learn what those lips tasted like.

Magnus laughed, his body trembling beneath Alec’s touch as he broke apart from their hug with a quick grin and tipped his chin up proudly. “Good.”

Alec let his hands fall, gliding their way down Magnus’ back as he took a step back. “Let’s get out of here. Grab some dinner.”

Magnus lowered his eyes, his lip drawn between his teeth.

“We can catch up on how things are going with your lessons,” Alec added, hoping to make the invitation seem less like a scandalous rendezvous between two friends in serious relationships.

Magnus looked back at him with warm eyes that curved with the wide smile on his face. “I’d love that.”

“Good,” Alec breathed out. His chest burned as if he had been holding his breath, and he supposed he had been. Too nervous to breathe while he waited to see what Magnus would decide.

Magnus grabbed his coat from the coat rack beside the office door. “You know… I don’t think this program or my involvement in it could have been accomplished with anyone else. Just you.”

“Just me?” Alec followed Magnus out of the office. 

Magnus glanced over his shoulder. “Just you,” he said almost wistfully.  
  


* * *

 

_ Raj: _

_ \- I’ll be out in a minute. _

 

Alec pocketed his phone and waited on the sidewalk. The air was cold, the city loud, but he needed the distractions to keep his thoughts in the present. It was exhausting living in his own head this past year  and so he needed to do what he could to keep a clear head. 

He watched Raj through the window of the gallery. He was standing there, iPad in hand, showing something to Victor. His eyes were locked on whatever it was he was trying to show him and Victor…Victor’s eyes were locked in on Raj’s face. The usually stern and impassive expression he wore, gone and replaced with tenderness and adoration. His lips would jump into a smile every so often, only dropping whenever Raj would glance up at him. 

Alec stilled. The warm puffs of his breath threatening to fog the glass due to how close he was leaning in now.

How could he have not seen it before?

Raj walked off, heading to the back of the gallery where he was surely going to gather his things to meet Alec outside for their lunch date. Victor glanced up then, spotting Alec at the window. 

“Shit,” Alec mumbled under his breath when Victor started towards him.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets to warm them. 

“Is there a reason you’re lurking outside of my gallery instead of just joining us inside?” Victor came outside without a coat but made no motion that would indicate that he was cold.

“Raj said he would only be a minute.” Alec shrugged. “I figured I would just wait for him out here.” 

Victor’s eyebrow raised and he shook his head. He turned to stand beside Alec and looked in the gallery. Raj was back, shoulder pressing his cell phone up to his ear as he chatted away with what Alec could only assume, if the way he was jotting notes down was any indication, was one of their artists.

Victor sighed beside him. “You know you’re not good enough for him, right?”

Victor kept his eyes on Raj, impervious to the hard glare Alec was giving him.

“And you know I’m right.” Victor huffed. “He doesn’t see it though. To him you’re Alec Lightwood, the light of his life, the sun in his sky. You’re the sun he hopelessly follows, longing for even the smallest bit of warmth and attention you will give him. He’s so blind he can’t even see that he doesn’t mean the same to you.”

“That’s not true.”

Victor turned to look at him now, his eyes revealing every ounce of anger and contempt he had worked so hard to keep hidden. “I think it is.”

“It’s not. I care about Raj and you know that.”

Victor stepped in closer. “At this point you should do a little more than  _ care _ , don’t you think?”

_ Yes.  _ Alec wanted to say. 

Victor was right, about everything. He should do more than simply  _ care _ about Raj. He should love him, he should be in love with him. He had agreed to spend the rest of his life with him and yet he couldn’t even bring himself to convince Victor that he still loved Raj. 

Victor laughed beneath his breath. “You’re unbelievable.”

Alec lowered his eyes, all defenses gone. He had no argument left in him now. 

There was more Victor wanted to say, Alec could tell in the way he crossed his arms over his chest as if to hold himself back from lashing out at him.  But he didn’t, instead he looked away, reluctantly breaking the piercing scowl he was giving him, choosing to focus his attention on Raj who was still in the gallery. 

“You won’t be able to keep this up,” Victor muttered. “At least give him the chance to be happy. If you’re a decent person at all, you will do that for him.”

Raj laughed into the phone and jotted down another note. 

How long did they really have on this path? Alec could pretend all day long that this was the best choice for them both but the reality was, he knew it wouldn’t last. It would crash and it would burn.

“Do you think he’s happy?” Alec clenched his teeth together, unsure if he was ready to hear Victor’s answer.

“He likes to think he is but—” Victor sighed—“I can tell he’s not. I can tell he’s trying desperately to convince himself that he is, whether he knows he’s doing this or not, I don’t know but it’s what he’s doing.”

“Are you in love with him?” 

Alec hadn’t meant to ask this. He didn’t know how it would feel if Victor were to say ‘yes’. Would he feel relieved that Raj had someone to love him the way he was meant to be loved? Or would he feel the queasiness that came with blind jealousy?

“Raj is my best friend,” Victor contended. 

“I know but that’s not what I asked.”

Raj waved at them through the window and then set the phone down before heading towards the exit. Victor cleared his throat and stuffed his hands into his pockets, dropping his chin to his chest with a sigh. He slowly backed away from Alec with a disappointed frown. “Enjoy your lunch.”   
  


* * *

 

He didn’t want to do this.

Every fiber in his body fought against him. He had the annoying habit of wanting to please everyone, an impossible task he often burdened himself with. And this was what it led to. 

He wished he could rewind time and have Raj ask him to marry him before all of... _ this _ happened. ‘This’ was what he was calling it in his head, too afraid to put a name on what it actually was even though he knew good and well just what  _ this _ was. Not that it mattered, as it would remain a one-sided affair.

He couldn’t tell Magnus the truth. He would never want to put him in this situation or make him feel the weight of this guilt. But he couldn’t continue his relationship with Raj.

Victor made a fair point and Alec had been unable to get his words out of his head since their lunch the day before. He couldn’t go through with this marriage and confine Raj to a relationship that would never be able to bring him happiness. The man Raj fell in love with — the man he thought he still loved— was gone, and he had been for a while now. It had taken Alec too long to see. 

_ Give him the chance to be happy.  _ That’s what he was doing. He was going to give Raj his life back, give him the opportunity to find that happiness with someone else— someone who could return it. Someone like Victor.

He would sit here, wait for Raj to come home, and then he would… end this.

He tried his best to relax his body into the sofa. The gray sofa with the red wine stain on the right cushion from a night of red wine & scrabble gone wrong. The threads of the cream colored wool throw tickled the back of his neck. He had always hated the itchy thing but Raj insisted that it kept him warm and so it stayed. 

Alec slouched deeper into the cushions, squeezing his eyes shut and wincing as the memories of the life they built together surfaced— its evidence lingering everywhere in this room.

The creak of the door startled him, causing him to jump. Even though he had been expecting Raj this entire time. He straightened his back in his place, the tension wrenching his shoulder blades together. 

Raj peeled his jacket off and dropped his keys in the dish by the doorway. His daily routine. What he had been doing in this apartment for years. Their home.

Guilt gripped at him, turning his stomach until he felt sick. He should have found another way to do this, he shouldn’t have sat here, ring in hand, waiting for Raj to get home. He should have given him the chance to come home and get comfortable after working all day.

“Alec, you home?” Raj called, loosening the knot in his tie as he pivoted, only to freeze in place at spotting Alec waiting for him on the couch. His smiled dropped, his eyes following suit to see the velvet box resting in Alec’s palm.  “Oh…”

“Raj, I’m—” his throat tightened and then grew raw and dry when Raj sank down defeatedly onto the sofa beside him. The perfectly planned speech he’d written in his head vanished.

Raj smiled sadly and took the box from Alec, turning it over as if to inspect it. He opened the box and traced his finger over the band nestled in the plush satin. The muscles in his jaw flexed once and then twice before he drew in a breath. “I was expecting this,” he whispered on an exhale.

Alec frowned. Had he been so obvious that he couldn’t even keep this from Raj? He’d tried so hard the past few weeks to put everything back as it once was. To stitch together the happiness they once had so that he could wear it again, so that all of this could be behind them. 

“You were?” Alec choked out.

Raj wiped his hand across his eyes and dipped his chin once in a half-hearted nod. “I know you, Alec. I can tell you’re not happy with me.” 

“It’s not—”

“I selfishly hoped you hadn’t noticed it for yourself. That maybe the idea of us getting married would be enough to make you see what I— what I  _ thought _ we had. I hoped it would remind you. It was stupid of me really.”

“It’s not stupid.” Alec placed a hand on Raj’s shoulder and hoped that despite all this, it would be able to bring Raj some form of comfort.

Although their relationship was ending, Alec would always see the past six years of his life as beautiful years, almost all full of happy memories. Even the unhappiness he had felt at the end of its run would be a memory he wouldn’t want to replace. He had grown and evolved in this relationship and that was because of every part of it. Not just the good but the bad as well. 

This was his first love, his first home, his first of so many things. 

Raj shrugged his shoulder and then looked up to stare at the wall opposite of them. The muscles of his jaw flexed and the muscles in his forearms rolled with every crack of his knuckle. He closed his eyes and sucked in a slow, bracing breath. “Does he love you?” 

The four words stung with every syllable. They were marked with despair and anguish yet the question came from a place of genuine care, it was earnest, and hurt more than anything. 

Raj never deserved this.

Alec sighed, lowering his hand away from Raj to lean forward, resting his elbows on his knees. There was no sense in denying his feelings.

“I don’t know,” Alec confessed. “The situation isn’t like  _ that _ . I never—we never—we’re just friends. I know you might find that hard to believe given the circumstance but I would never do that to you, Raj.”

Raj nodded. “I believe you. I know the type of person you are—you’re a good man.” Raj tilted his head to look back at Alec, a sad smile curving one corner of his mouth. “It’s what I love about you.”

“I didn’t mean for this to happen,” Alec whispered into the weighted silence of the room. 

Nothing he said right now would erase the pain he’d caused but transparency in their feelings had always been something they agreed upon. He would not go back on that now. No matter how much it would pain him, if Raj wanted to know, he owed it to him to give him the truth.

Raj wiped a hand over his overgrown beard and let out a choking breath. He turned to face Alec and he smiled at him again, tears wetting the lining of his eyes as he held them back. The whites of his eyes were red and despite the heartbreak Alec was sure he was going through, he still looked at Alec as if he held the world in his hands.

“I know,” Raj croaked, tenderness and love underlining those two words. 

“I never wanted to hurt you like this.” 

Raj nodded, tears falling when he closed his eyes. “I know.”

Alec reached out for Raj but let his hand fall limply to the couch between them at the sound of Raj choking back a sob. 

“I know you must hate me”—Alec’s voice broke—“and that’s...that’s okay. You have every right to. I would hate me too. But you’ve always deserved better than me, Raj.”

Raj wiped at his cheek with the back of his hand and then slid his hand into Alec’s. Their fingers slotted together in the familiar, comforting way they had been for so many years now. “I could never hate you. In fact, I’m so pathetic that I’m pretty sure you could come back tomorrow telling me you’ve changed your mind about all this and I would forget it all in a heartbeat if it meant I could have you."

Alec squeezed his eyes shut. He didn’t want Raj to feel this way, he needed Raj to hate him for this, to lash out and finally tell Alec how he truly felt. He didn’t want Raj’s kindness right now nor did he deserve it. “Don’t say that, please—”

Raj sighed. “You’re not a bad person, Alec.”

“But I am!” Alec pulled his hand away from Raj’s and stood. Anger, disgust, and disappointment—at himself—rose in his throat, sharp and acrid.  “You didn’t deserve this…you didn’t deserve any of this. You gave me everything and I’m throwing it all away and you’re sitting here and you’re just being so…so… _ nice _ and so understanding. Just—stop it… and tell me how you really feel.”

“I  _ am _ telling you how I feel,” Raj muttered, tired.

“No, you’re holding back. Even though I’m being a complete asshole and breaking up with you because I developed feelings for another man, you’re  _ still _ finding it in you to be nice to me to spare my fucking feelings!”

Raj rose from the couch to stand face-to-face with Alec, his brown eyes harsh and raging with devastation all at once— a storm brewing underneath his normally placid gaze. “Do you want me to yell at you?”

“Yes!” Alec all but begged. 

Raj scoffed, running his fingers back through his hair. “Why can’t you just let this be?”

“Because I don’t deserve your kindness right now, Raj. You should hate me.”

“But I don’t.”

“You should! So let it out!”

Raj gritted his teeth and sighed. “What do you want me to say, Alec? Huh?” He threw his arms out in question. “Do you want me to sit here and shout over how much I hate myself for not being able to keep you happy?! Do you want me to lie and tell you that I hate you for doing this to me?! Or would you rather hear my thoughts on just  _ how much _ I hate Magnus for being everything you wanted and everything I couldn’t be for you?! Do you want to know about how I had to pretend to not notice that your eyes would always linger a little too long whenever you looked at him? How you always smiled when he was around and how I had to hear you talking about him all the time, sometimes even in your fucking sleep—”

Raj stopped to cover his mouth, muffling a cry that escaped him. His shoulders slumped forward and shook from his cries. He gasped in a breath and wrapped his arms around his midsection—his entire body fighting to remain upright. “I knew”—his breaths evened out, all anger in him seeming to calm, his cries stopping—“I had a feeling after that first meeting you had with him that I was going to lose you forever. The man is beautiful and he’s…everything I’m not. I never stood a chance.”

Alec dropped back onto the sofa. He had never hated himself more than he did at the moment. It was one thing to know he had caused overwhelming pain and another thing entirely to have someone confirm it for him. To have to see with his own eyes the effects his actions caused in someone else. Raj would never say a cruel word to him though, he would never insult him, no matter how much he suffered. He didn’t have to though, Alec would do it for him.

“The months before you met Magnus, I could tell something was off with you. You were unhappy all the time but I thought it was just a period in your life— something we could work through together; but we didn’t. You stayed that way until…well, until Magnus came along—and then everything changed. You were smiling again and at first I thought it was the project that had you so high on life and I suppose a part of it was but I knew… _ deep down _ I knew that it was because you were falling in love with him and there was nothing I could do about it. Nothing I could do to stop it from happening. I knew I would have to sit here and watch it as it happened. Watch as someone else slowly stole your heart from me. And all I could do was hope— _ desperately _ hope that I was wrong.” Raj wiped at his nose, sniffing back his tears. “Turns out I wasn’t.”

The sofa cushions dipped beside Alec and the woodsy scent of Raj’s cologne joined him. 

“Is this what you wanted to hear?” Raj asked, quietly.

It was what he needed to hear. 

Alec swallowed past the hard lump that formed in his throat. “I want to know how you feel, so, yes.”

“You want to know how I feel?” Raj shifted in his place to face Alec. 

Alec sat up and did the same. It wasn’t as if he needed to hear Raj’s feelings put into words, he could see them, plain as day on his face. Misery lining his frown, dejection brimming in his eyes, inconceivable distress filling every stuttering breath. “Yes.”

Raj licked his lips and heaved out a sigh. “I feel crushed and empty, like someone just ripped my heart out. I feel sick at the thought of having to live my life without you. I feel as if my entire world has just shattered. I feel stupid for letting it get this far, for allowing myself to stay when I knew you didn’t want to.”

“Raj, I’m so sorry.” Alec held Raj’s hand. “I wish I could change things. I wish I could but—”

“You fell in love,” Raj rasped out weakly. “And as much as we might hope otherwise…we can’t help who we love.” Raj gripped onto Alec’s hand. “I won’t lie and say I don’t hate the fact that it couldn’t be me that you love. I hate the unfairness of it  _ so _ much. But I did have you—I had your love for six years, right?”

“Yes. Of course you did.”

Raj nodded and wiped his tears with his other hand. “Then that’s what I’ll try to take with me out of this. If nothing else, I’ll know that what we had was real and maybe…just maybe it wasn’t all for nothing.”

“It wasn’t all for nothing. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it weren’t for you. If it weren’t for what we had. You made me better. And I just”—Alec paused and he thought about Victor; and the way he watched over Raj, the way his eyes followed him and the way he smiled when Raj wasn’t looking—“I want you to love again. I want you to find happiness.”

Raj lightly caressed his thumb along the line of Alec’s knuckles. “I will. I have to believe that I will find a love like this again.”

“I have no doubt in my mind that you will.”

Raj sighed. “I do hope he loves you back.” He let out a small, throat-clearing cough and swallowed. “He’d be absolutely crazy not to.”

Alec shook his head. “I’m not going to tell him.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not going to tell him how I feel. I’m not going to ruin his relationship.” Alec wrapped his other hand around their joined hands. “I hate that I’ve already ruined ours. I won’t do that to someone else.”

Raj brought Alec’s palm up for a kiss and rose from his seat, walking over to the front door and taking up his coat again. 

“I should go.” Alec stood and joined him. “You shouldn't have to leave. This is your home too. I’ll find a new place and in the meantime I can stay with Maia.”

Raj inhaled deeply, wrapping his burgundy scarf around his neck. “Stay here tonight—I really don’t think I could. I need to step away while I still can. Take the weekend to gather your things and I’ll come back next week.” Raj fished his keys out of the bowl and hesitated. “I guess this is it then.”

“I hope we can be friends one day.” The sentiment was ridiculous, Alec knew, but he meant it. He would always want the best for Raj and he wanted to hopefully be around one day to see him happy and living his life. 

Raj grimaced as he looked down at his keys. “Maybe one day, Alec. Right now...right now I need to get over you.”

Alec swallowed. “I’m sorry.”

Raj nodded again. “I am too.”

Raj went to open the door and paused. He let out a long breath and then turned to Alec. He stepped in close and cradled his hand around the back of his neck. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to Alec’s mouth—his goodbye. He pulled back and brushed his thumb across Alec’s cheek. “I hope you finally find your happiness, Alec.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thank you to Meg and Lu for their hard work in beta-ing this for me. Love you, ladies!
> 
> This wasn't an easy chapter to write, or read, I'm sure. 
> 
> Tomorrow is the end of their story and I look forward to sharing it with you all but I will be sad to see it end. This has been a lot of fun. 
> 
> please tell me what you think by leaving a comment, tweet or however you want to get in touch with me. I love hearing what you have to say.
> 
> until tomorrow!
> 
> -xoxo  
> J


	7. 7.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day 7.
> 
> A bittersweet time.
> 
> I have enjoyed this week so much. Thank you all for going on this journey with me, for your kind words of support, for sharing your stories, and more bringing so many smiles to my face all week long. I never expected this story to be loved this much, I honestly thought no one would want to read it because of the established Ralec but I was wrong and I'm so happy I decided to post it instead of keeping it for myself. 
> 
> A big thank you to my betas Lu and Meg. They are the real troopers here who did amazing work of support and editing my trash and making it presentable for you all.
> 
> Please feel free to use the tag #twisbfic
> 
> In true Jackie fashion, I present to you a 16k+ word chapter to shut this party down.
> 
> happy reading!!!

“Day twenty. Hour four-hundred and eighty,” Maia announced upon entering the kitchen behind Alec.

Alec blew on his coffee and waited for her to wind her way around the countertop he was seated at before cutting his eyes at her over his steaming cup. “You’re counting.”

Maia reached into the cabinet and withdrew her large mug that was in the shape of Chewbacca’s head. She removed the carafe from its place atop the hot plate and filled her mug, not acknowledging his statement or the fact that he had even spoken at all. She hummed as she dropped three cubes of sugar into her coffee and stirred it; the sound of the metal spoon clinking against the sides of the porcelain mug loud and piercing this early in the morning. 

Alec sighed and sipped at his coffee.

Maia dropped the spoon in the sink and he winced at the sound of metal hitting metal. 

“Of course I’m counting,” she said simply before blowing out a stream of air into her mug. 

“If you want me gone that bad...” Alec started.

She sighed loudly. “You’re so dramatic. I’m not counting the days  _ like that.  _ I’m counting the days of you being stupid.”

Alec licked the coffee from his lips. “I see.”

“I’m just counting to see how long it will take you to stop sulking and talk to Magnus.” She smirked at him and then sipped at her coffee.

“I do talk to Magnus. Almost everyday.”

“ _ Talk talk  _ to him, Alec.” She set her mug down. “You know…about how you haven’t been engaged to Raj for several weeks now?”

“I’ve already told you. I’m not telling him.”

Maia rolled her eyes and leaned forward on her elbows, settling her eyes on him in an unbending glare. “Do you honestly think he’s happy with Caroline?”

“ _ Camille _ ,” Alec deadpanned, her name sour on his tongue. 

Maia’s eyes widened. “Easy there, tiger. Would hate for you to crush a hot cup of coffee with that grip of steel you’ve got going on.”

Alec loosened the firm grip he had on the mug. The thought of Camille still made his blood boil. He hated her. He hated her name. He hated the reminder that she even existed and he hated even more that she had the privilege of going to bed with Magnus every night and waking up to see his face on the pillow beside hers. 

Maia pursed her lips and sucked in a deep breath. “Well it’s obvious you don’t like her. Which means she must be pretty unpleasant and perhaps that means Magnus is unhappy with her,” she said, the statement coming out as more of a question than the observation that it was. 

“I don’t know her. We never talk about her. From the little I do know, it’s safe for me to say that she’s quite possibly one of the worst people I’ve ever met.”

Maia grimaced. “That bad?”

“You don’t even know”—Alec sighed—“ _ but _ their relationship is none of my business. I can’t pretend to know how Magnus feels about her.”

Maia’s shoulders slumped as she stared into the black coffee. “Why does he stay with her if she’s so terrible?”

Alec scoffed. “I wish I could tell you. I wish I knew.”

“You should tell him how you feel—“

“Maia.”

“No, listen, he doesn’t know you have feelings for him. Maybe he’s only staying with her because he thinks you’re marrying Raj.”

Alec would be lying if he said the thought had never occurred to him. He often daydreamed of a scenario where he would tell Magnus how he felt and Magnus would leave Camille. They were stupid, silly daydreams of course and he would never actually test them out in his real life to see if the situation would in fact turn out that way. 

He sighed and scratched at the overgrown stubble of his beard. “I can’t do that.”

“Why the hell not?” Maia’s brows dropped angrily. 

It was scary how quickly her moods could change, Alec thought.

“Because if he leaves her…I want it to be because he realizes that he deserves better. I don’t want him to leave her for me.”

Maia’s stern brow softened and the tip of her lip pulled back into an understanding smile. “I can’t argue with that.”

Alec shrugged and took a large drink of his coffee. “If he does, I’ll be here. But I won’t ask that of him or put him in that position.”

Maia slid her mug across the counter to gently tap it against his. “You’re a good man, Alec.”

He laughed and shook his head. “I’m really not.”

“But you are,” she countered.

“Let’s not forget I fell in love with someone while in a relationship with another man.”

“When will you stop beating yourself up about that?” She stood up straight and rested her fist against the curve of her hip.

“Uh. Never?”

She sighed tiredly, loudly. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself.”

“I broke his heart, Maia,” Alec argued and the memory of Raj crying into his hands pushed itself forward, demanding to be seen—to be felt. As if Alec would ever forget the pain of that night. 

“We’ve all broken hearts, Alec, don’t give yourself so much fucking credit,” Maia groaned, effectively drawing his attention back to her.

“I almost married him even though I was in love with someone else.” Even saying this out loud turned his stomach.

“But you didn’t. In the end, you were honest with him and more importantly—with yourself.” She offered him another one of her kind, supportive smiles that could make anyone feel as if their problems would soon be gone. “You’re a good man. If you try to say otherwise, I’ll fight you. And I’ll win.”

“I’m too tired to fight you right now. It’s too damn early,” Alec relented and Maia smiled smugly at him, fluffing her curly hair with one hand.

Alec rolled his eyes at her arrogant show. “The point is, I can’t tell him.”

Her face straightened as she went back to holding her mug in both hands, fingers dancing in taps at the base. “He’s bound to find out though, and then what?” 

She made a good point. When did she not? He’d thought a lot about this as well. How would Magnus feel to find out that Alec had ended the engagement and then failed to mention it during one of the many conversations they’d had over the past weeks? It would probably go about as well as him finding out about the engagement did, which was, not well at all. 

“I don’t know.” Alec finished off the rest of his coffee, the last gulp stronger and more bitter than the rest. 

“When will you see him again?” Maia leaned into the corner where the two counters met. 

Alec pushed back on the barstool and took his empty mug to the sink. “We actually have a workshop we’re hosting for children this Saturday so I suspect we’ll be spending the entire day together.”

Maia hummed in acknowledgement as she drank more of her coffee. 

“I guess we’ll see what happens then.” Alec turned on the faucet and rinsed out the remaining ring of coffee from his mug. 

He dreaded the weekend and this workshop. He wished he could hide from it all. This workshop had been Magnus’ idea and he had come to Alec for help in getting it started. Word for it got around fairly quickly and every spot for the class was filled within the week, much to Magnus’ delight, which he made clear in the loud shriek he gave over the phone. Alec could picture the excitement bubbling out of him, and the smile he must have worn at receiving the news. No matter how much he wanted to hide, Alec wouldn’t miss this for the world. 

“Things will work out,” Maia offered up kindly. 

Alec nodded and he let himself plaster a smile on his face for her sake. “I’m sure they will.”  
  


* * *

 

 

Luke was standing outside when Alec’s taxi pulled up alongside the curb. 

“Alec!” Luke all but yelled as he skipped over to bring Alec into a quick, but still, crushing hug. “I was wondering when we’d get to see your pretty face around here again.”

Alec laughed and the sound came out as a cough from the strength of Luke’s hug. “I was here just a few weeks ago.”

“So Magnus says but I was beginning to think your absence had caused the poor guy to hallucinate.” Luke grinned widely, clouds of white hot breath hitting the cold air. “He also said you would be here for this workshop but I told him I would believe it when I see it."

Alec spread his arms, presenting himself. “Do you believe him now?”

Luke pressed his lips and stroked his beard pensively. “I don’t think I remember you being quite this handsome but if you say…”

“Alexander!” 

Luke turned enough for Alec to see Magnus exiting the school, bundled up in a black and gold embroidered trench coat. He stopped in place, his hip holding the heavy door to the school open and smiled at Alec. His eyes glinted as his smile grew and Alec couldn’t tell if it was because of the excitement of the workshop or if he was happy to see him. He suspected it was both.

“What are you two doing out here half freezing to death?” Magnus asked.

“Luke was trying to figure out if I’m real or just a figment of his imagination.”

Luke laughed and slapped Alec on the back. “I told him it must be my mind playing tricks on me because he was not this beautiful before.”

Alec rolled his eyes and strode up to Magnus, stopping in the doorway just in front of him, lowering his voice between them, “You think he’d be used to beautiful men by now.”

Magnus blinked once, his breath hitching in and then blinked twice with a rapid flutter as he let his breath out softly, the warm white fog hitting Alec’s mouth, mixing with his own. His breath smelled like one of the sweetened coffees he would often drink and from this point, Alec could see that the sparkle he noticed earlier was indeed shining from the amber in his eyes, accompanied by the golden liner he had tracing his eye. His cheeks were flushed from the cold or the warmth of his coat and he eventually chuckled under his breath, a smile slipping and curving the pink, lightly glossed lips. 

“I’m up to my ears in pretty boys around here,” Luke joked as he nudged them inside with an arm around each of their shoulders.

The heat of the building wrapped around him, warming the cold tip of his nose until he could feel the heat spreading through his cheeks and down to his neck that was hidden underneath the scarf Maia crocheted for him last winter. 

“You can put your coat in my office, if you want,” Magnus suggested.

“Yeah.” 

Alec pulled on each finger of his glove, sliding the fitted leather off and stuffing them both in his coat pocket while Luke talked about his cello workshop with the children, and how cute they looked with their miniature cellos that were almost as big as the children themselves. Alec smiled at the visual and began unwinding the scarf from around his neck. Magnus remarked on all the instruments that came in miniature versions for children except for the piano which he took as a personal injustice. 

Alec laughed, unbuttoning his coat.

“Imagine teeny, tiny, fully functional pianos like Schroeder’s,” Magnus cooed. “Someone needs to start production on these or else I’m suing—”

Shrugging off his jacket, Alec glanced up in time to catch Luke giving Magnus a questioning look, his brows furrowed and concerned. Magnus had frozen in place, eyes widened slightly, mouth parted with the end of his sentence forgotten. 

Alec’s brows dropped. He was about to ask what was wrong when Luke laughed, the sound resolving the tension. Magnus smiled, instead of laughing, but the humor was there in the shake of his head and playful roll of his eyes.

“I feel like I’m missing something…” Alec looked between the two friends.

“Luke is just…being Luke.” Magnus waved away the question and took the coat and scarf away from Alec. “I’ll just go put these in my office.”

“Well, I’m going to get back to my room and triple check that everything is ready for the little rascals to arrive,” Luke announced, walked away backwards from them and gave them a quick wave with both hands. 

“I’ll come with you,” Alec said, jogging up a few paces to catch up with Magnus.

Magnus didn’t say anything, only smiled with a flick of his brows. 

The room smelled of cinnamon and caramel with the underlying note of leather Alec had grown to associate with Magnus’ office. Magnus carefully draped the scarf first and then Alec’s coat on the hook. He smoothed his hands down the fabric and inhaled softly. “Your coat always smells so good. It’s woodsy and has a hint of something else in it that I can’t quite pinpoint.”

“It’s a cologne oil Izzy gives me for my birthday almost every year.” Alec stretched out his arm and pushed the sleeve of his sweater up to his elbow, bringing his wrist up to his nose to smell the cologne he had been using for as long as he could remember. 

Magnus stepped up to him. “Your sister has a good nose.”

Alec inhaled. “I smell the woods”—he breathed in again—“cedar?” Alec chuckled. “I don’t know. I’m not very good at this, not like Izzy.”

Magnus took Alec’s wrist in his hand and brought it to his nose and closed his eyes, the golden liner shimmering in the low lighting of the office. His nose bumped against Alec’s wrist and Alec steadied his breathing as best as he could, hoping Magnus couldn’t feel his pulse pounding against his fingertips.

“There is a trace of cedar. Very slight—you’re better at this than you think, Alexander.” Magnus smiled and peered up at Alec, still holding his wrist up to his nose and breathing him in. 

Alec swallowed. “A lucky guess.”

Magnus straightened up, keeping his hold on Alec’s wrist but no longer torturing him with his soft tickling breath that sent tingles across his skin. “Amber.”

“What?”

“Amber. The other note in your cologne.” Magnus slid his hand down, hooking his fingers with Alec’s pinky and ring finger. 

“Oh.” 

Magnus looked down at their hands and brushed his thumb along the empty space now on Alec’s ring finger and then let go. “You’re not wearing your ring. Did something happen?”

Alec didn’t know why he also looked down at his hand, as if he never noticed the weighted chain the ring represented was now gone. “Yeah, we—uh—we broke up.”

Magnus rested his hand on Alec’s arm, sliding up and down once before holding onto him firmly. “I’m sorry. I know you two were together for a really long time. Are you okay?”

Alec nodded, clearing his throat with a quiet cough. “Yeah, I-I broke up with him.”

If Magnus was shocked to hear that, he didn’t show it for more than a millisecond before his mouth turned down. “Even so, I’m sure that wasn’t an easy decision for you to make.”

“It was the right one though,” Alec said, watching Magnus for any hint as to what he was thinking.

Magnus nodded. “Is this a recent development?”

Alec shook his head. “No. It’s been about three weeks now.”

Now Magnus showed his surprise, concern marking his brow with a hint of anger sparking in his eyes. “Three weeks? Where have you been staying? You should have come to me.”

“I’m fine, Magnus.” Alec set one hand on each of Magnus’ shoulders and settled his gaze on him. “I promise. I’ve been staying with Maia. And I didn’t come to you because… I didn’t want to burden you with this.” He shrugged, lowering his hands back down by his side. 

Magnus sighed. “You are never a burden.”

Alec shrugged again. “What’s done is done, though.”

“What’s done is done,” Magnus repeated with a sad shake of his head. “How’s Raj?”

_ Devastated. Miserable. Completely heartbroken.  _

Alec figured those descriptions of Raj were better left unsaid, so he settled on, “He’s taking it about as well as you would expect.”

Alec scratched at his beard with a sigh. He hated thinking about how he hurt Raj. The last few times he had seen Raj had been harder than he expected. He never expected it to be easy but he also never expected it to be as strained as it was. Victor had been there each time, at Raj’s request Alec assumed, and it hurt to know that Raj felt the need to have someone there to serve as a buffer between them. But at the same time, he was glad to see that Raj had someone there for him, and if he had to be completely honest with himself, Victor was the perfect choice. He imagined he would find disgust in Victor’s eyes but there had only been sadness, and yet something about the way he looked at Alec those days showed gratitude. Raj had kept his interactions with Alec to a minimum on those visits, only brief conversation over who should keep what and in the end, Alec had suggested that Raj keep most of their belongings. 

“I’m sure losing you was not an easy blow to take.” Magnus frowned. “But I also know the two of you were together for a very long time and I know this can’t be easy on you either. So if you’re not okay, you can tell me.”

“I really am fine. It’s for the best. He’s better off not wasting his time on someone who isn’t completely invested in the relationship.” Alec sighed. “He can really find better.”

“Better for him, maybe, but not better.” Magnus raised his brows suggestively and smirked.

Alec chuckled—he couldn’t help it, not when Magnus was looking at him like that, trying to lighten the mood. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It  _ means,  _ that you, Alexander, are better than most people I’ve ever met and would be impossibly hard to replace.” 

_ What is that supposed to mean?  _ He wanted to ask again. He had about five hundred questions he wanted to ask because clarification on where he stood in Magnus’ life would be great right about now. There were times, like at his birthday party, when they stood close together, close enough to feel each other’s breath, and he could hear Magnus’ breaths stutter when he touched his lips. Or times like just now, when Magnus would say something that would have Alec’s hopes rising to dangerous heights only for him to remember that Magnus was with Camille and he would come crashing back down to Earth. 

“I don’t know about that,” Alec choked out gravelly.

“I do,” Magnus responded quickly with a laugh.

“You do?”

A knock on the door followed by Luke cracking the door open and sticking his head in. “Hate to interrupt but the kids are beginning to arrive.”

Magnus looked at his watch. “Shit, time really got away from us. We’ll be right out.”

Luke closed the door behind him and Magnus turned his attention back to Alec, lips curled in a smile. “I do.”

Alec stared. He should have said something, anything but he couldn’t. He was stuck in place, mouth glued shut, thoughts running wild, unable to be formed into a coherent sentence. 

Magnus stepped in closer and brushed aside the hair that had fallen forward against his brow. “I’ve never met anyone like you. I don’t think I ever will meet someone like you again. I could never replace you, Alexander. So don’t you dare think about breaking my heart.”

Magnus winked at him and then grinned over his shoulder as he threw the door open. “Let’s go teach some kids!”  
  


* * *

 

 

_ “I’m worried about you, Alec.”  _ Izzy’s voice deepened over the line, it was how he could tell that she was serious. 

“There’s nothing to be worried about, Iz. I’m good. Life is good.”

_ “Life is good? You recently got engaged and then broke up with your boyfriend of six years. How is life good?” _

Alec pushed his phone up to his ear with his shoulder as he dug the cab fare out of his pocket. “Maybe that was an inconsiderate way to put it. But this is what I wanted. It was my choice and now I’m going to live my life in a way that will make me happy.”

_ “Okaaay,”  _ she drawled out.  _ “And that means what exactly?” _

The cold air struck him when he exited the cab and he pushed the crocheted scarf up, burying his face up to his nose in the soft yarn. “I wasn’t happy with Raj.”

_ “Yes, we already established that,”  _ she carefully cut each word, her impatience building up.  _ “And you sound muffled, like you’re underwater.” _

Alec worked his face up and out of the scarf, the cold air hitting his cheeks again. “Sorry. I wasn’t happy and now I can maybe pursue other paths that might make me happy.”

Izzy groaned.  _ “You’re about to make me rip out my hair. Stop being so cryptic!”  _

“I’m not being cryptic!”

_ “Other paths? You going back to school? Moving to China? Opening up a bat sanctuary? Or is that code for another man?”  _ Izzy gasped.  _ “Did you cheat on Raj?! Tell me you didn’t cheat on Raj, Alec, or I swear to god I will climb through this phone and break your nose for him.” _

“Izzy, calm down! I didn’t cheat on Raj! Fucking hell.” Alec had his mouth covered with his hand, trying his best to keep the conversation hidden from the passersby.

_ “You didn’t?”  _ Her voice was quieter now. Calmer.

“Of course not. Do you really think that low of me?”

_ “No,”  _ she responded immediately. “ _ I would’ve honestly been incredibly shocked if you had said yes but my theories started working faster than the logical side of my brain.”  _ She sighed loudly, her breath scratching into the microphone.  _ “I’m sorry.” _

“It’s okay. I’m sometimes still not so sure that what I did wasn’t just as bad.” Alec moaned tiredly and leaned against the brick wall outside of the bar. “Maia keeps telling me otherwise but I can’t help but think it.”

_ “What happened?” _

He still couldn’t believe he’d never told his sister or his brother about Magnus —well, the truth about Magnus. Just another testament to prove just how hard he’d been trying to ignore and avoid his feelings. He normally told them everything. Even though their time spent together was fewer and farther between, they still made time to speak on the phone. He’d had plenty of opportunity to reach out to them for advice or support and instead he chose to keep it to himself. Only opening up to Maia. Somehow, though, it had helped to only have one person out there in the world that knew what he was thinking, what he was feeling. Now if nothing were to come of it, if his life were to go on as normal with no Magnus and no Raj, the rest of the world would be none the wiser. Maia would know and he would know. That was it. No one else could witness what would be his heartbreaking reality.

_ “Alec? You there?” _

“Y-yeah, I’m here,” he stuttered out softly. 

_ “Do you want to tell me what happened?”  _

He looked at the door to the bar. He was supposed to be in there, having drinks with Magnus—and Luke, and Raphael, and Meliorn—right now. Instead he was outside, freezing, and having a conversation he was entirely unprepared for. An ache formed in his chest whenever he let his mind go to the place where he kept his feelings for Magnus. His feelings were always there, he already admitted to himself that he was hopelessly lost to this man at this point, but when he actually had to think of the reality of unreciprocated love he had found himself in, that heart fluttering, wonderful feeling of being in love turned to a heart-wrenching pain instead. He couldn’t talk about this now and go down this road, not when everyone was expecting him to join in for celebratory drinks.

He swallowed and licked his cold chapped lips. “Not right now. I’m meeting friends for drinks so I don’t have time to talk about...any of that.”

_ “Well, whenever you’re ready to talk about whatever you need to talk about…I’m here.” _

“Thanks, Izzy.” Alec peeked through the crack in the blinds of the window, hoping to get a glimpse of Magnus before going in but all he could see were groups of people he didn’t know clustered along the bar. “I’ve gotta go. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

_ “Okay. Have fun tonight, let go, don’t overthink things and remember that I love you.”  _ She squealed out the last three words and he laughed at how easily she slipped into her role of an overly loving, pestering, little sister. 

“I love you too.” 

He put the phone in his coat pocket and drew in a deep breath of the ice cold air, letting it fill his lungs and calm him. He showed the man at the door his I.D. and passed through the entryway, searching over the heads of the crowd for Magnus. 

“Alec!” Luke’s voice was surprisingly loud enough to carry over the chatter of the crowd. 

Alec spotted Luke seated at a booth in the far back corner. He waved his arms as if he were marshalling an airplane. 

Alec pushed his way through the crowd and carefully made his way to the booth, being sure to avoid the crowd of rowdy men who seemed to be out for a bachelor party. 

Luke scooted over and patted the bench beside him. “Glad you could make it!”

Alec grinned and sat down, returning Raphael’s and Meliorn’s wave. “I’m sorry I’m late, there was traffic and I got caught up on a call with my sister.”

Luke nodded as he drank from his beer bottle. “Sisters,” he stated as if that said everything Alec needed to know.

Raphael seemed to agree with the sentiment because he nodded as well, muttering a quiet ‘sisters’ under his breath as he sipped on his glass of wine.

Meliorn hummed as he sipped his martini, an impish smirk curving his mouth when he set the glass down. “Only child.”

Luke dove into a boisterously told story about his sister Cleo, which led to Raphael singing his own little sister’s praises. He had stories full of heartwarming love, fun, and a family that included Magnus. It was a great insight into the man Alec had fallen so quickly for, almost like a secret part of him that could only be told from the point of view of a loving brother. True to Magnus’ version of his teenage years, Raphael was able to confirm that by the time Magnus had joined the Santiago family, he had settled down immensely. Having lived through a difficult childhood of bouncing from foster home to foster home, he immediately set his path straight when he was placed with a family that accepted him with open arms. 

The conversation shifted when Meliorn asked Raphael a question about his start with the violin. 

Alec straightened his back and lifted his chin slightly to scan over the crowd again, trying his best not to be too obvious that his mind had wandered off to find the main reason he came out tonight. 

Luke leaned in and whispered out of the corner of his mouth. “Don’t worry, he’s here.” 

Alec stiffened and averted his eyes back to the table and its current guests. “I’m not—I wasn’t—“

Luke closed his eyes and nodded along as Alec stammered for an excuse. “Of course you’re not,” he teased.

Alec gulped. Meliorn and Raphael seemed to still be in their own world discussing their passion for music. He only hoped that they were engrossed enough in their conversation to have not noticed Luke calling Alec out. 

“I’m not,” Alec croaked out weakly. 

Luke downed the last of his beer and then regarded him with a calculating gaze as if he were a detective and Alec the crime that needed to be solved. “He went to get us more drinks,” he finally said, his amused expression slipping easily into a beaming smile and a chuckle.

Alec nodded once. “Good.”

Luke slapped him lightly on his arm with the back of his hand. “It’s okay. Your secret’s safe with me.”

“You guys better not be sharing secrets without me,” Magnus announced, holding a tray of drinks over the table with one hand. 

It was amazing how the sound of Magnus’ voice alone was enough to make Alec’s heart go into overdrive and make his body melt at the same time whilst his stomach felt as if it might fly away with the flutters that filled him. Everything happened all at once, taking over his body with a simple word from Magnus’ lips. 

Magnus set down his own drink and turned the tray to face Raphael and Meliorn. “Cabernet Sauvignon for the dullard.” 

Raphael scowled, accepting his glass despite the insult.

“Martini—extra dry.” Magnus served Meliorn his drink carefully setting down the fine stemmed glass.

“Beers for our Alpha male,” Magnus held the tray out for Luke, who took the two bottles and then pretended to howl. “Who will be officially cut off if he ever tries to howl again.”

Alec laughed at the glossy eyed glare Luke directed at Magnus and then looked back to find Magnus watching him instead.

“And last but definitely not least, a glass of the bar’s finest whiskey money could buy.” Magnus lifted the glass and tucked the tray in the crook of his arm before handing the glass over to Alec. “Alexander.”

“Magnus,” Alec murmured, gently passing over Magnus’ fingers as he slipped the glass from his hand. 

Magnus whirled around and pulled the empty chair from behind him up to the table. He fell into his seat with an effortless grace, swiping his martini glass and holding it out to the others. 

“To a successful first term of classes,” Magnus announced again.

Alec raised his glass along with the others.

“And to Alexander for inviting us to be a part of his life-changing project,” Magnus added in, peeping at Alec from the corner of his eye.

Everyone raised their drinks higher and moved in for the toast while Alec pulled his glass back. “To Magnus…for offering up your school full of talented artists”—Luke cheered in approval—“and making this life-changing project a reality.”

They tipped their drinks together and with that the table erupted into chatter amongst Luke and Raphael who were continuing whatever discussion they had going on from earlier when Alec had first arrived. Meliorn sat silently beside Raphael, only nodding his head to show he was listening. 

“Do you intend on jetting out of here after one drink, Mr. Lightwood?” Magnus purred, leaning in so that he was now inches away from Alec. 

Alec’s face flushed, the cold from earlier instantly switching to a flaring fire in his chest, sweat dampening his underarms. “Wh-what?” he stammered.

Magnus giggled and tugged on the scarf that was still wrapped around Alec’s neck. “You’re either freezing to death, which if that’s the case, I’m morally obligated to buy you drinks until you’re warmed up— _ or _ —you plan on leaving after this one drink, which if that’s case, I’m afraid I will have to hold you here against your will because it would break my heart to see you go so soon.”

Alec chuckled, his cheeks growing hotter by the second. 

“You wouldn’t want to break my heart, would you?” Magnus teased even though the smile he bore showed just how much he meant this.

“I would never,” Alec promised. 

“Good.” Magnus smirked at him as he sipped at his martini.

Alec shrugged off his coat and draped it over his lap before unwinding his scarf. 

“What are you two lov— _ dudes— _ talking about?” Luke stammered, the smell of beer wafting over the more he leaned into Alec.

Alec laughed as he helped straighten him up. “How much have you had to drink?”

Luke hiccuped.

“Apparently too much,” Magnus commented with a curved brow.

“I may have pre-gamed one or three drinks before you guys got here,” Luke admitted with a lazy shrug. “So sue me.”

“Dios mío,” Raphael hissed as he walked up to the table. Alec hadn’t even noticed that he’d left the table but he had his wallet in his hand and was in the process of tucking it into his suit jacket as he tutted. “I’ll get him home.”

“Nonsenckl,” Luke slurred. “I’m fine.” Luke presented himself with a clumsy wave. “See?”

“ _ Nonsensical _ ,” Raphael corrected. “You can’t even form proper words.” Raphael sighed and gestured for Alec to stand, which he did and moved over to stand behind Magnus’ chair.

Luke whistled, the sound more spit than an actual whistle. “Raphael, bud-dy, you’re taking my buzz from here”—Luke threw his hand up by the top of his head—“to here”—he let his arm drop to the table.

“You can’t say nonsensical but yet you managed to enunciate that sentence pretty well.”

“Nonsenssssical,” Luke laughed while Raphael pulled him up to stand, holding him up with an arm wrapped around him,“is a hard word to say sober.”

“Sorry to cut our night short,” Raphael apologized to Magnus and Alec, now effectively ignoring Luke’s blabbering.

“That was the point of the night. To celebrate and have a good time.” Magnus patted Luke on the cheek and pinched Raphael on his, which elicited a groan from the now grumpy man. 

“You two,” Luke attempted to gesture between Alec and Magnus, “have a good time together. And Alec, you...you take care of my boy. Don’t you go and do somethin’ that will make me have to—” Luke balled one hand into a fist and gave a quick jab to the air, almost pulling Raphael down with him.

Alec caught Luke and helped straighten him up. “I’ll take care of Magnus. Don’t you worry.”

“You will?” Luke questioned, his eyes blinking slowly and trying to focus on Alec.

“I will. I would hate to face the wrath of that right hook you got there.”

Luke pulled Alec in for a hug, drunkenly leaning against him. “Now that you’re not,” Luke hiccuped, “and he’s...he’s been through so much, y’understand? I gotta make sure you’re good eno—“

“We really should be going,” Raphael interrupted, his mouth turning down apologetically when Alec met his eyes. He threw one of Luke’s arms over his shoulder and proceeded to half carry the larger man. “Come on now, let’s get you home.”

They watched Raphael and Luke leave, Meliorn close on their heels with an excuse of having to be up early for his ‘yoga in the park’ class. 

“And then there were two,” Alec mused, leaning against the wall with his legs folded on the booth bench. 

“So much for everyone celebrating together as a group.” Magnus chuckled. “But we got one toast in so all in all it was a pretty successful night in my book.”

Alec swirled his cup, causing the ice to clank against the glass. “Should I be offended that the party ended soon after I showed up? I mean that really went from zero to a hundred real fast, Luke seemed fine just a few minutes ago.”

Magnus laughed while taking a drink and he set his cup down to wipe the vodka that spilled from the corner of his mouth. “Not at all. You can’t help that Luke decided to pre-game while he waited for everyone to arrive.” He shrugged and plucked an olive from his glass and dropped it in his mouth. “Their loss is my gain. Now I get to keep you all to myself.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Really now?” Magnus tapped on his chin as he chewed on the olive. “If you could choose to be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be?”

Alec placed his now empty glass on the table. If he could be anywhere right now… 

He pushed the glass around with his finger, making it slide on the puddles of water on the table by itself. 

Magnus eyed him carefully, waiting with a humored expression, eager to hear his answer. 

Alec couldn’t think of a single destination he would want to be in at this very moment. Not with Magnus sitting in front of him, his attention and focus solely on him, and especially not when Alec was finally at a place where he could allow himself to get swept away in the welcoming gleam of Magnus’ eyes or the sweet sounds of his laughter. There was absolutely no other place he would want to be than here. 

“In this bar, with you,” he answered. 

The truth was always the best option. He was raised to believe that and he had employed it in every aspect of his life so far that up until recently the weight of his dishonesty had become too much to bear and he couldn’t go back to that.

Magnus straightened up, disbelief raising his brow. His top teeth chewed on his bottom lip and Alec could practically see the wheels working in his head. 

“I never knew you were such a sweet talker,” Magnus cooed as he leaned forward on the table between them, chin resting in his palm, satisfaction turning his cheeks up. “But I have to agree with you.”

“Really?” Alec asked, shocked. He scratched at the nape of his neck and dropped his eyes down to his glass again. “You wouldn’t pick some exotic island with crystal clear waters?”

Magnus shook his head, keeping his chin planted in his palm and gazing up at Alec under dark lashes. “Well—that all depends, will you be there with me on the exotic island with crystal clear waters?”

Alec breathed out a single laugh. “Let’s say I’m not.”

“Then, it’s a no. I would still choose this bar, here with you.” Magnus drank more of his martini.

Honesty for honesty. Tit for tat. 

Alec could work with that. After all, Magnus’ response had to mean something. Magnus wasn’t one to speak without design, every word he spoke was chosen with careful consideration of its use and effectiveness in telling the story he wished to show. Alec had seen him do this in various ways now whether it be Magnus paying someone a compliment, which Alec had come to realize were the most genuine gifts ever given, or when he was required to show his relationship in a pleasant light. There was always dishonesty in those stories, Alec could spot them from a mile away but Magnus was so very careful and hopeful that no one would see the truth that Alec had never been willing to completely tear down the illusion Magnus had created. The night of his birthday was the one time he had ever let it be known that he knew there was more going on that Magnus wouldn’t say and although Magnus had said enough to confirm his suspicions, he’d never mentioned it again. So for Magnus to say that he would choose to be here with Alec was enough to spark up that flash of hope he kept inside. And maybe by the end of the night, he would finally have more answers than he did questions.

“ _ Ideally  _ we would be in a place with far fewer drunks,” Magnus commented as the group of bachelors whooped and hollered.

They spent the rest of their night watching the raucous crowd dance and flirt their way through a group of women; and laughing at all the failed attempts that seemed to be going on.

“These poor guys are striking out bad tonight,” Magnus laughed. 

Alec winced. “How bad must their pick up lines be if they can’t get a single lady to dance with them?”

“Excuse me, miss, but I think I dropped something.” Magnus lowered his voice and slurred his words, pretending to be the blond man that was now approaching a woman who was peacefully seated at the bar. “My jaw!”

The woman rolled her eyes and went back to scrolling on her phone. 

Alec snorted at the perfect timing. “You’re a little too good at this.”

Magnus grinned proudly and drank from his martini. “I have many talents.”

Their first round of drinks didn’t last long and Alec insisted on buying the next round. He approached the table, a drink in each hand, and paused to observe Magnus as he sat there laughing under his breath as one of the guys made an embarrassing attempt at what Alec assumed was supposed to be dancing. 

He cleared his throat and set their drinks down, boldly leaning in towards Magnus. “Hi—uh—do you come here often?”

Magnus pursed his lips and snorted before wiping the smile from his face and accepting the drink offered to him. He glanced back at Alec and then laughed again. “I’m sorry, I can’t even think of a clever comeback. That’s one of the worst pick up lines."

Alec scoffed. “It cannot be as bad as whatever those idiots over there are using.”

“Very true but I also suspect it might have something to do with who’s saying the lines. That pick up line is terrible but coming from you…it might just work.” Magnus winked at him and took a sip of his martini.

Alec preened and dropped into the booth across from Magnus. 

They went back to their game of people watching, sharing terrible pick up lines and stories of disastrous dates they’d been on. They did their best to stretch their drinks out but at the bottom of their glasses they decided they would rather escape the loud noise of the bar.

Magnus stood at the curb, his coat buttoned up to his neck. He shivered and rubbed his hands together in front of his mouth. “I really should have checked the weather before leaving my house this morning.”

“Here.” Alec took his scarf and wrapped it around Magnus’ neck. “Maia made this and it’s probably the warmest article of clothing in creation.”

“Won’t you be cold?” Magnus asked, voice muffled behind the scarf.

The corner of Alec’s mouth jumped into a smile. Magnus went from shivering to looking incredibly cozy now wrapped up in the thick scarf. “I’m not cold.”

Magnus’ eyes squinted in suspicion. “You’re not just saying that to be chivalrous, are you?”

Alec scoffed. “Don’t insult my intentions.”

“I would never want to do that,” Magnus teased and then smiled softly. “Thank you,” Magnus said, his tone gentle as he pulled the scarf down to his chin. “You want to share a cab?”

“Well, Maia’s place is actually just a few blocks from here. I was thinking I would just walk. It’s a nice night.”

“It’s fucking freezing,” Magnus argued, a shiver shaking his body as he swept his arm out. “Lead the way, I guess.”

Alec’s brow quirked and he canted his head to the side. 

Magnus pinched his coat tighter against him with both hands. “Seeing you home safely is the least I could do since you were kind enough to share your scarf with me.”

Alec began to walk down the sidewalk and Magnus easily fell into step beside him. “Now who’s being chivalrous?”

“I actually live on this side of town as well…in this direction,” Magnus offered the information offhandedly with a shrug. 

Alec rubbed his hands together to warm them. “You know…I’ve never been to your place. I never even knew which side of town you lived on, which now that I think about it… could be considered very suspicious.”

“I could be a serial killer,” Magnus joked, his voice dropping low and menacing.

Alec turned around to face Magnus and walked backwards down the empty sidewalk. “You could be leading me to my death as we speak.”

Magnus’ face lit up as he watched him, his eyes flicking down at his feet as if to check and make sure that Alec wasn’t going to trip. He blew into his hands to warm them before rubbing them together. “Well, considering I’m the one following you, you could be leading  _ me _ to my death. The whole living with Maia thing could be your ruse to get me to some seedy part of town where you can dispose of my body.”

Alec hissed and turned back to fall into step beside Magnus once again. “You caught me.”

Magnus grabbed Alec by the arm and hooked his arms through Alec’s to nuzzle in close against him. “I knew it. It’s always the handsome ones,” Magnus lamented with a sigh, then rested his head against Alec’s shoulder. 

Alec’s heart stammered and pounded heavily all at once. He opened his mouth to disagree but stopped when he felt Magnus squeeze his arm. 

“Don’t you dare try to argue with me, Alexander—what’s your middle name?”

“Gideon,” Alec rasped.

“Strong name,” Magnus commented and then quickly untucked one hand to wave dismissively at himself, “but as I was saying, don’t you dare try to argue with me on that fact, Alexander Gideon Lightwood.”

Alec chuckled. “Okay.”

They stopped at a crossing and waited for the sign to grant them permission. Maia’s apartment was only three blocks away now and entirely too close to ending what had turned out to be a perfect night. Alec had spent his night alone with Magnus, laughing, telling stories, joking, even flirting and he never wanted it to end. He slowed his steps once they crossed the street, anything to drag the night on as much as possible within these next few blocks. 

He felt Magnus tremble against him. 

“We should have just taken a cab,” Alec worried out loud.

Magnus shook his head against his arm. “And miss out on the opportunity of seeing you home safe and sound? Besides, I’m actually quite warm now.”

A giggling couple brushed past them. The guy holding his girlfriend in the crook of his arm. 

Every instinct in Alec’s body screamed at him to do the same. 

He wanted to say  _ fuck it _ and wrap Magnus in his arms. 

“I had such a good time tonight.” Magnus loosened his hold on Alec and straightened up from his relaxed state against Alec’s shoulder. “I haven’t had this much fun in…well, a long time.”

“Yeah,” Alec said, “tonight was a much needed break. It’s been so long since I’ve felt this—felt this—”

“Free,” Magnus finished for him.

_ Free _ . Alec had never stopped to put a word to how he felt ever since he decided to be honest with himself and with Raj, but hearing Magnus say ‘free’ just now in his gracefully fluid voice, his face etched with contentment, made him realize that ‘free’ was exactly how he felt at this moment. He felt free to to go wherever his heart led him, free to love whomever his heart chose. Of course those two paths were one and the same, they both led to Magnus. 

Magnus let out a slow, steady sigh, the trace of a smile on his lips. 

Alec wondered if Magnus felt free, if he was happy—truly happy with his life with Camille. He wanted to ask, to at least find out how things were with him, if he was okay. They’d been having such a good night and Magnus had been so happy all throughout the evening that he hated to ruin it by mentioning her, so he had let it go. Even so, he could tell something was different with Magnus. The way he carried himself, every move his body made was more relaxed and at ease. He no longer checked his watch every few minutes or his phone for that matter. So whatever change had occurred in Magnus’ life, or whatever place he had found himself in with Camille, it was obviously a good one. And no matter what, Alec would be happy for him.

“Yeah…free,” Alec echoed. 

Magnus lifted his gaze and cocked his head to look at Alec. “What do you intend to do with your newfound freedom?”

_ Stay hopelessly in love with you. _

“Be happy. Love again.”

Magnus nodded, his smile buckling at the edges. 

“You will find someone to love again. I have no doubt,” he said, his voice lacking the same conviction his words represented. 

_ I have.  _ He could say it right now and put an end to every question in his mind. He could confess everything to Magnus right now and hope his feelings were reciprocated, despite Camille. But he didn’t.

“This is me.” Alec stopped on the side of a bodega, where a single door that was hidden from view would lead him to Maia and Simon’s unit above. 

“Who knew you’ve been this close to me the past couple of weeks?”

Magnus halted and let go of his arm, the cold seeping between them and taking Magnus’ place at his side. He wanted to pull Magnus back into him. Blame it on the cold and biting air, anything he could use as an excuse to feel Magnus against him again. 

“How much further until your place?” he asked instead.

Magnus tipped his head in the opposite direction behind them. “My turn was a block that way.”

Alec looked in the direction Magnus gestured to. “You should have said something. Now you have to backtrack by yourself.”

Magnus dismissed him with a scoff. “It’s close, only a block back and two blocks over. I’ll be fine.”

A smile pulled at Alec’s lips, despite the fact that he was trying to argue with Magnus. “That is close.”

Magnus’ brows jumped and he swayed his shoulders, hands squeezing his elbows to warm himself. “We will have to hang out more often. No excuses now.”

Alec shook his head. “I won’t even try to come up with any.”

“I’ll hold you to that, but I should warn you, I’m a strong believer in brunch on Sundays.” He stepped in closer to Alec and lowered his voice. “It’s basically my religion.”

Alec smirked. “What a coincidence because I just so happen to love brunch.”

“Perfect.” Magnus straightened and his eyes drifted to the door behind Alec. 

Alec had to walk away. He couldn’t keep Magnus out here in the cold and inviting him up this late at night without warning Maia or Simon wouldn’t be right. Although he could already hear Maia,  _ you should have asked him up!  _ Or  _ I can’t believe you had the chance to tell Magnus how you felt and you chickened out. _

“Thanks for inviting me out tonight,” Alec said.

Magnus stepped forward again. “Thanks for coming.”

Magnus stared up at him with his head slightly tipped back, his brown eyes lucent in the streetlight, the black glitter lining his lids sparkling when it caught the light. His body no longer shivered but Alec could tell he was still cold by the way his bottom lip trembled ever so slightly, and by the rosy tint coloring Magnus’ nose and cheeks. 

Alec dropped his head to place a kiss on Magnus’ cheek, his lips brushing against the corner of Magnus’ mouth. Too close to be safe yet not close enough.  

“Goodnight, Magnus.”

Magnus sucked in a breath. 

“Goodnight, Alexander.”  
  


* * *

 

 

Alec stared at his phone, his thumb hovering over the green phone icon. 

He couldn’t get Luke’s words out of his head. He’d picked up and set down and picked up his phone at least ten times now to call and ask him directly but it was still early and considering how heavily Luke had drunk the night before, Alec figured he might appreciate the morning to sleep in and recover. 

He shouldn’t have kissed Magnus last night. A peck on the cheek was innocent enough but he’d lingered, he’d hovered too closely to Magnus’ lips, where he actually wanted to kiss. But Magnus hadn’t flinched or pulled away. He wanted to ask Luke about that as well, if anyone were to know what Magnus was thinking, it would be his best friend. 

He sighed and tossed his phone to the other side of the couch, ridding himself of the temptation. He could wait until lunchtime; staring at the phone wouldn’t make time go any faster.

“Ugh. How long are you going to make us suffer before you call the damn guy?” Maia swept into the room and mussed his hair as she passed.

Alec ran his fingers through the messy strands, attempting to fix the disarray she’d caused. “I’m not stressing over calling Magnus.”

Maia stopped in place with her hand on her hip, brows raised high. 

“This time,” Alec admitted with a sigh. “I’m not stressing over calling Magnus this time.”

“Then who?”

“His best friend Luke.” Alec scratched at his beard. “Luke said something last night that I can’t get out of my head.”

Maia approached him, her curiosity piqued enough now for her to drop the mail she had been sorting back into the filer. “What’d he say?”

“Well, he’d been drinking so it was probably nothing but I don’t know…it sounded to me like he almost expected something to happen between Magnus and me.” 

“Was he right? Did something happen?”

Alec shook his head quickly. “Would I be sitting here sulking if something  _ had  _ happened?”

Maia grinned triumphantly. “So you admit it, you  _ are _ sulking.”

Alec rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Nothing happened, not really. I kissed him on his cheek but that was it.”

Maia’s face hardened, her right brow curving up. “But Magnus is with Camille, right?” 

“Yeah. I’m pretty sure.”

“Pretty sure?”

“To my knowledge they are still together.” Alec dropped his head back against the couch. “And I have to remember this. No matter how much flirting may happen.”

Maia dropped onto the seat beside him with a curious smirk. “You flirt?”

Alec shrugged. “If you call him telling me I’m handsome and that he would rather spend time with me at a bar than on a tropical island as flirting, then yes, we flirt.”

Maia jumped in her seat, waving her hands. “Woah—stop—stop right there.”

Alec turned to her and waited as she seemingly gathered her thoughts. 

“He said that?”

“Which part? Calling me handsome or the tropical island part?”

“Both. But mainly the island part.” Her excitement lit up her eyes and she pursed her lips tightly trying to conceal the smile that was beginning to take over. 

“Yeah. He said both of those.” Alec chuckled and rubbed at the back of his neck. “That’s flirting, right?”

“Duh.” Maia rolled her eyes. “So he flirts with you, lets you kiss him goodnight after a romantic stroll home and you  _ still _ think he’s with Camille or not interested in you?”

“I never said I thought he wasn’t interested. I just know he’s not interested enough to take it anywhere because he’s currently dating the devil herself.”

“I think you should call him and find out, once and for all, right now.” Maia grabbed his phone and thrust it at him.

“I’m not doing that,” Alec argued, pushing the phone away from him.

“We need answers, Alec!”

Alec grabbed the phone from her and threw it at the love seat across the room. “I’m not calling him.”

“You’re impossible,” Maia scoffed just as a knock came from the door. 

She stayed in place, her brown eyes boring into him, desperate to win this fight.

Alec nodded his head in the direction of the door. “Aren’t you going to get that?” 

She groaned, pushing herself up from the couch with a sudden force. “This better not be another vacuum salesperson,” she uttered under her breath as she opened the door.

“Hi, is Alexander here?”

Alec sprang up from the couch, certain he was hearing things, his mind now teaming up with Maia to play tricks and torture him; but there was only person on the planet who could say his name like that and make his heart stop. 

Magnus stood in the threshold bundled up in a winter coat with Alec’s scarf tucked neatly into his collar.  His lips twitched into the faintest, most hesitant of smiles.  

Maia stood there, eyes wide and staring at Alec with an uncertainty that was uncharacteristic for her. 

Alec swallowed, attempting to clear the dryness in his throat. “Magnus.” 

“Hi,” Magnus breathed.

With that Maia’s shocked expression fell away and she stepped back, remembering her manners and opening the door completely for him. “Magnus, please, come in.”

Magnus nodded his thanks and walked in while Maia closed the door quietly behind him. She waved her hand, catching Alec’s attention and pointed at Magnus, silently mouthing _what do you want me to do?_ behind his back. Magnus stopped beside the couch to face them. She dropped her hands by her side and plastered on a bright smile for Magnus. 

“I’m sorry to show up so unexpectedly. I would have called but I didn’t think I’d actually find myself here.” Magnus looked down at his feet, his hand instinctively reaching up to rub at the cuff on his ear as he chuckled at himself.

Maia shook her head causing her curls to bounce. “It’s no trouble. This is Alec’s home and you’re welcome to visit any time.”

“Thanks,” Magnus muttered softly, his eyes nervously shifting back to where Alec stood. His hands now closed into tight fists that he bumped against his thigh as he rocked on his heels. 

Alec had never seen Magnus like this; nervous.

“You want to have a seat?” Alec offered, hoping the familiar gesture would bring him some comfort.

Magnus took a step forward. “Well, I was hoping I could have a minute to talk to you…” Magnus glanced over his shoulder at Maia and then back at Alec. “In private if possible?”

Maia jumped to action. “I’ll get out of your hair. You guys feel free to stay here and uh—” Maia’s hands waved as she tried to piece together her sentence. “Talk,” She laughed at herself and shook her head. “Yeah, feel free to stay here and talk as long as you need.”

Magnus sidestepped out of her way as she moved past him to grab her purse that sat on the side table. “You really don’t have to do that, we can step out or I can come back some other time—“

“It’s fine.” Maia smiled at Magnus and his shoulders relaxed, a thankful smile now curling his mouth. Maia’s smile was good at that. “I’ll surprise Si with a coffee at work. He’ll be thrilled. It’s the little things, right?” 

She grabbed her coat and keys, stuffing them in her pocket before turning to face Alec. “Text me,” she said, the rest of her sentence— _ and let me know when it’s safe to come back- when you need me again— _ left unsaid but understood all the same, and then left the apartment with a quick wave.

Magnus’ hands twisted together and he frowned at the clicking of the door. “Well, I feel like a jerk.”

Alec shook his head. “Don’t. She doesn’t mind.” He motioned Magnus toward the couch and moved behind him. “Here, let me take your coat.”

“Oh.” Magnus tensed when Alec grabbed the lapels of his coat from behind him, helping him remove the heavy garment. “Thank you,” he whispered as his body relaxed and he helped Alec by pulling his arms out of the coat and untangling the scarf from around his neck. He grinned and dangled the scarf out to Alec. “Although it pains me to part with this tiny slice of warm heaven, I brought it back.”

Alec took the scarf with a chuckle and draped it over the back of the couch to put away later. “Thanks. I’ll let Maia know you want one for Christmas.”

Magnus moved closer towards the sofa but made no indication that he intended on taking Alec up on his offer to sit. Instead he sucked in a deep breath, his cheeks filling with air that he let out in a single drawn out exhale through his nose.

“Is something the matter?” Alec reached out and took hold of Magnus’ arm, who closed his eyes at the touch, his body stiffening the briefest of moments before melting into Alec’s hold. 

Magnus breathed in and breathed out, drawing the breath until his lungs were empty, only then opening his eyes, deep brown and uncertain. “I—” Magnus stopped himself, the muscles in his jaw clenching.

Alec rubbed his hand up the soft cashmere sweater. “Magnus, what is it?”

“I just,” Magnus swallowed, the apple of his throat rising and falling heavily with the motion, “really wanted to see you again, Alec.”

Alec’s chest tightened. The last time Magnus had called him that had been when he’d seen the ring on Alec’s finger, he remembered how foreign the name sounded on Magnus’ tongue—sharp and cold. This time was different, it was familiar, softly spoken, earnest, and hopeful. His heart picked up in that rapid beating that came whenever Magnus was around.

Magnus took a step forward, letting out a pent up breath, dropping his arms by his side, hands flexing. “I know what I’m about to say might make me the most inconsiderate person in the entire world, especially considering everything that’s happened recently but I can’t risk staying quiet and missing my chance. And if I’m completely out of line then you can just…tell me and I will leave and we can forget this ever happened. Okay?”

Magnus stopped and Alec nodded, unable to find it in himself to do anything more.

“Okay. Here goes.” Magnus braced himself with an upturned chin and a straightened back. “I lied when I said I was happy for you when you were engaged to Raj; I wasn’t happy, not in the least bit. I was hurt and angry when I had no right to be. But I was just…so jealous that it couldn’t be me.” 

Magnus looked down at his feet, nervously turning the ring on his finger. His hesitation seemed to last an eternity, the silence thick, slowly torturing. He swallowed, cleared his throat quietly, and then looked back at Alec, hopeful. “I know my reaction could have been better but I never saw it coming. I think in my mind I had planned out this future, this daydream of how perfect my life could be. But I couldn’t say anything, it wouldn’t be right to so I blindly hoped that it would work out. When you showed up with that ring on your finger, everything I found myself wanting came crashing down around me and so I did what I do best…I pulled away and I’m sorry about that. I wasn’t being a good friend to you but I didn’t know what else to do. All I knew was that it hurt to even think about you. So I thought that if I just stopped—if I just quit being your friend—then maybe it would hurt a little less.”

“Why would you—”

“It doesn’t matter, it didn’t work and I couldn’t stay away. Even if it meant only having you as a friend through the occasional text, I was willing to take whatever I could get if it meant having you in my life. And I let you back in and now you’re not…with him anymore and I wanted to give you time but being with you last night, I felt  _ happy _ . Happier than I have felt in such a long time and I realized on my walk home that the only times I’ve felt  _ this  _ happy over the past year, has been with you. Anytime we were together, I was happy. Truly happy.” Magnus took in a breath and shrugged. “I’ve been falling for you since the moment I met you, Alexander, and I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do to stop it.”

Alec moved in closer until there were only inches between them. He felt as if his heart had stopped completely, his breaths suspended until he was finally close enough to feel the heat radiating from Magnus’ body. He tried to swallow but his voice felt dry and rough when he finally spoke. “Do you want to stop it, Magnus?”

“No,” Magnus choked out without hesitation. “But if you want me to, I can take that step back, I can make myself scarce. I will respect that if it’s what you want.” His eyebrows quickly pulled down into a frown. “That’s what you want, isn’t it? I’ve made a fool of myself, haven’t I?”

Alec put his finger up to Magnus’ mouth. “It’s my turn.”

The corner of Magnus’ mouth tipped up when he looked at Alec’s silencing finger. 

“I wasn’t happy with my life when I met you but then…I met you,” Alec laughed softly and trailed his hand up the length of Magnus’ arm, following its curve up to his neck, chasing the goosebumps that prickled across his skin. He shifted his fingers to the nape of Magnus’ neck, burying his fingertips in the soft tufts of hair he found there. “And I knew nothing would ever be the same the second I laid eyes on you. I didn’t want to be  _ that _ person, the kind who falls in love with someone else—but this—what I feel for you, has never happened to me before. And every time you smiled at me, I’d feel my heart beat again. And then I got to know you and I knew that I never stood a chance.”

Magnus leaned into the heel of Alec’s palm, the curve of his cheek fitting perfectly. “Why did you accept Raj’s proposal?”

Alec lowered his eyes. He wished he had a better explanation to offer. “I felt like I owed it to him to try and I couldn’t bring myself to say no.”

Magnus nodded and Alec couldn’t tell if it was because he understood or because he was just accepting the truth Alec gave him. 

“And the only reason why I didn’t tell you about the engagement sooner was because I couldn’t. I couldn’t look you in the eye and tell you that I was going to marry another man, not when I knew that at some point over the course of our friendship, I had given my heart to you. That’s why I couldn’t go through with it. I couldn’t marry him, not when I was in love with you.” Alec tipped his head down and pulled Magnus in to lean their heads together, closing his eyes. “It’s you who I want to be with,” he whispered.

Magnus’ hand glided up Alec’s chest, resting over his heart. He could feel it battering against the pressure of Magnus’ palm, stuttering with every gentle pass Magnus made with his thumb. 

Magnus nudged Alec’s head softly to brush his nose against Alec’s, whispering, “I want to be with you too.” 

A shiver passed through Alec with every breath that hit his lips, twisting his stomach into delicious knots of anticipation. This was what it felt like to be in love again. He had almost forgotten how intoxicating it could be. Intoxicating and utterly consuming. 

Magnus panted softly, his gentle breaths mixing with Alec’s own, the edges of their lips ghosting together for only a moment. 

Like velvet—softer than he remembered from the night of his party when he had traced his thumb along the edge. The hoppy smell of beer, the warmth of Magnus’ skin beneath his, the cold of the ice running down his arm, the rage that churned inside him, the sudden urge to protect yet comfort all at the same time. How he wanted to kiss him that night and take away every ounce of pain she had caused him. 

Alec stilled, forcing his hand from continuing its path, controlling his body from the magnetic pull he felt towards Magnus. 

He would always want more if he did this, there would be no going back. A stolen kiss wouldn’t be enough for him, not with Magnus, not with a love like this. Alec had known love before, was no stranger to it, had been in love, had felt its joy and the whirling euphoria it often brought with it. Looking back now, out of all of the times he had been in love, it had never felt quite as powerful as this, and a love this strong was not something he could ever walk away from.  

Alec tucked his bottom lip between his teeth, biting down just hard enough to stop himself from crossing over that fine line that every fiber in his body was begging him to cross. “I can’t.”

Magnus froze, stilling his fingers that had found their way to Alec’s hair. He swallowed, hard and roughly before choking out breathlessly, “What?”

Alec sighed, keeping their heads together, their lips a hair’s breadth apart, unwilling to give up this space they had created between them. “I can’t be the other person, Magnus. I can’t do that.”

Magnus’ fingers curled firmly into his hair. “What on Earth are you talking about, Alexander?”

“Camille.” Alec’s breath shook when he spoke. He never wanted to ask this of Magnus and he still wouldn’t but they’d come too far in this for him to not be honest with him and what he wanted. “I want to be with you, more than anything in the world, but I can’t come second to her.”

He pulled back and opened his eyes as Magnus’ brows lowered, pinching the skin between them into a small wrinkle. His eyes ticked back and forth, failing to understand yet trying to read before softly shaking his head. “Do you think I’m still with Camille?”

“Are you not?”

Magnus shook his head instantly. “I left Camille the night of your birthday party.”

Magnus pulled himself closer, the beat of his heart against Alec’s sparking every ounce of heat and flutter of wings to fill his chest once again. Alec pushed away a fallen strand of hair that brushed along Magnus’ brow, catching the shimmer on his lids perfectly. “You did?”

Magnus nodded and trailed his hand down to rest against Alec’s chest, his fingertips sweeping over the collarbone that peeped from under the collar of his t-shirt. “When I left, I thought about what you said and how you offered your home to me without hesitation. My life had been hell and you made me feel safe that night. That’s when I realized that  _ that’s _ what I deserve. I let her get away with it all for far too long. She manipulated me and made me feel like I wasn’t worthy of being loved. She used every opportunity she could to tear me down mentally and emotionally, until I actually found myself believing that I deserved every hit she threw at me”—his voice cracked—“That night, being around you and your friends, even Raj, made me see that it didn’t have to be that way. I could leave her and there was nothing she could do to stop me. There was nothing to fear because I knew I would have my family, my friends, and  _ you _ to help guide me back. I went back to the apartment that night, I grabbed what I could throw in a bag and I left.”

Alec grinned, happiness and relief swelling in his chest. “Magnus, you did it. That’s incredible.”

Magnus’ shoulder raised in a dismissive shrug. “It was a long time coming. I just needed to find the strength in myself to do it. I was too weak for too long.”

“You were never weak.” Alec lifted Magnus’ chin with the edge of his finger. “You kept a smile on your face as you walked through hell, you saw that you deserved more, and you left. It doesn’t matter how long it took. You survived her and that takes strength.”

Magnus nodded, his brown eyes glistening with unshed tears.

“Are you okay though?”

Magnus nodded again, sending a single tear rolling down his cheek. “I’m happy.”

“Good.” Alec cupped Magnus’ face in his hands and pressed a kiss to the hollow of each eye.

“Alec.”

“Hm?” Alec hummed as he placed another kiss. 

“I want you to kiss me,” Magnus muttered, his voice rich and throaty, fanning a fire in the pit of Alec’s stomach.

A soft moan built in his throat while he grinned at the request, kissing along the bridge of Magnus’ nose until he reached the base of his ear. “I am.”

Magnus’ lashes fluttered, his breath faltering in a gasp. He quickly recovered and poked at Alec’s ribs playfully. “Don’t tease me, Alexander.”

Alec laughed, his sides ticklish and twisting his body out of Magnus’ grasp. “You want me to kiss you?”

Magnus smiled at him through pursed lips and then gave him an unimpressed quirk of his head. “A little.”

“Yeah?”

Magnus rolled his eyes, his face a mask of disinterest that Alec could see through. “Kinda.”

Alec licked his lips, not missing the way Magnus watched his mouth closely, hungrily. “Just a small kiss?”

Magnus released a chuckling sigh and tugged Alec against him. “I’ll take a big one too. If you’re offering.”

“Oh, I’m offering.” Alec said, unable to stop grinning as he dipped his head down. He bumped the tip of his nose against Magnus’ and tilted his head. Magnus giggled against his lips and Alec wanted nothing more than to devour the sound with his mouth, let it fill him. 

“What are you waiting for?” Magnus whispered, the words hitting Alec’s lips.

Alec chuckled. “For my nerves to die down.”

Magnus licked his lips, the wet sheen titillating, delicious. He adjusted his head back, tilting his chin up, drawing their mouths irritatingly close together. “There’s nothing to be nervous about, it’s just me.”

Alec rolled his eyes to a close. “Right. Just you, just the person I’ve been slowly and silently falling in love with for almost a year, the object of my desires, the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen, who I never thought would love me back. You’re right, there’s nothing to be nervou—“

Magnus cut him off, crashing his lips against him, moaning as he opened his mouth to let Alec in. 

Magnus’ lips were hot, his tongue like fire skimming across Alec’s, melting him where he stood as the heat coursed down his spine and into his legs, buckling Alec’s knees so that he only managed to stay standing from the strength of Magnus holding onto him. Magnus’ hands were electric, sending dancing sparks over the surface of Alec’s skin, making his hair stand from the chill bumps reacting to his fingers that ran up and around his neck. 

Their kiss was slow and breathtaking, comforting and exhilarating, passionate and reverent. It was everything, yet more than Alec could have ever imagined. His thoughts emptied with every roll of Magnus’ tongue, scattering away until all that was left was Magnus. Magnus and his seductive scent that was sweet and spice. 

Magnus parted, panting. His eyes opened slowly, trained on Alec’s lips. He leaned in and placed a quick kiss to the corner of Alec’s mouth, nipping once at his bottom lip before cupping his hands behind Alec’s neck, drawing him in closer and walking him back until his legs hit the back of the couch. Alec rested against it as Magnus pushed himself to stand between his legs, never breaking their kiss, pressing their chests together until Alec could feel their thundering heartbeats converging, battering against him. He ran his fingers down Magnus’ spine, feeling his back arch under his touch, and tasting the whimper he gave as they kissed. Alec moaned in response, he couldn’t wait to discover every spot that would tear that sound from Magnus and make his toes curl until he was left gasping. 

Magnus pulled away again and his breaths were heavy as he examined Alec’s face, his kiss swollen lips wet and grinning. “I have wanted to do that for so long,” he panted. 

Alec stole a quick kiss. “I kind of never want to stop.”

Magnus giggled, the melody of it dancing in Alec’s chest, pulling a laugh out of him. “We don’t have to. It’s Saturday, I have nowhere to be, I don’t even need food, I’m good to go.” Magnus wiggled his brows at him. 

Alec laughed harder now, dropping his head back. “If I know you at all, Magnus Bane, you’ll be begging for brunch in about an hour.”

Magnus lowered Alec’s head by his chin. “Well let’s go to your room for an hour.”

Alec looked back at the couch, his mouth pulled back apologetically. “Uh—this is it.”

Magnus looked at the couch and then back at Alec, his lips puckered out in a pout. “You mean to tell me you’ve been sleeping on a couch for weeks?”

“Well”—Alec scratched at the back of his head—“it’s the best you can get when you show up at someone’s door with a suitcase full of clothes and a box of belongings.”

Magnus twined his arms around Alec’s neck, letting them rest on the tops of his shoulders. “This won’t do.”

“No?” 

“I can’t have you sleeping on a couch.” He leaned down and kissed Alec, parting his lips once again. Alec gripped onto his waist and deepened their kiss, the fire from the first kiss sweltering as strong as before. He ran his hands up Magnus’ sides, feeling the strong muscles through the thin sweater, his fingers tangled in the necklaces when he scooped Magnus in closer by his neck. 

Magnus gripped onto the front of Alec’s henley, a low growl in his throat. He pushed away, breaking their kiss swiftly, leaving Alec’s lips chasing after him. “I have a sinfully oversized bed that I will gladly share with you until you can find a place of your own,” his fingers played with the buttons of his henley, “or for however long you want. You know…whichever.”

Alec stood up from the hard back of the couch and smoothed out the necklaces back to their resting place, hand gliding over the plane of Magnus’ chest as he did so. “If you’re offering…”

Magnus smirked, licking his lips. “Oh, I’m offering.”

“In that case, I accept.” He kissed Magnus again, being careful not to linger this time because if he did, he was not sure he would be able to stop himself again. 

Magnus smiled as Alec pulled away. “Excellent. Then I say we should get out of here so I can show you your new home, roommate.”

Alec winced. “Roommate? I don’t know if I like the sound of that.”

“Well, we’re sharing a room. What else would we be called?” Magnus’ eyes sparkled playfully as he slowly backed away.

Alec swiped his scarf from the couch and lassoed it around Magnus’ neck, pulling him back in and kissing him again. “We can work on the title.”

“After the bed tour and brunch, of course.” Magnus winked.

 

* * *

 

Alec turned the frying bacon in the pan and then checked on the veggie omelet cooking on the eye beside it. He sipped at his coffee as two strong arms wrapped around his midsection, enveloping him in warmth, while kisses were peppered across his bare shoulder and up to the side of his neck. He grinned as he remembered the day before—and the night before. 

“Someone’s happy this morning,” Magnus commented, his voice coarse from sleep. 

Alec transferred the bacon from the pan and to the dish he had set aside. He did the same with the omelet and turned off the eyes of the stove. “How could I not be?” he asked, twisting in Magnus’ arms, leaning back against the counter. 

Magnus sucked in a quick breath and Alec could feel his eyes as they traveled up his body, lingering on his bare chest. 

Alec placed a kiss on Magnus’ cheek. “Cat got your tongue?”

Magnus blinked rapidly and then swooned into Alec’s arms. “Nope. I’ve just been rendered temporarily speechless by the beautiful work of art cooking for me in my kitchen.”

Alec chuckled. “I grabbed the first thing I could find.”

Magnus puckered his mouth into a pout when Alec moved away to gather their plates. “So you managed to find pants but no shirt? Or were you just trying to give your boyfriend a heart attack first thing in the morning?”

Alec set the dishes down on the table by the window that overlooked a busy but quaint bakery across the street. He pulled the chair out for Magnus to sit and had a seat across from him. Everything felt like a dream, like at any moment reality could come crashing through, breaking down the glass walls and bringing him back to his life. He worried that he would wake up only to find himself on Maia’s couch— no Magnus and no chance. But for now, he was here, in Magnus’ apartment, at Magnus’ kitchen table with Magnus bathed in the morning sunlight across from him. 

And he had called Alec his boyfriend. 

They had joked the day before about coming up with a title for their relationship but that was all gone the moment they stepped foot in this apartment. Their bodies crashed together and all thoughts of titles, and relationship status went out the window. But now, in the light of day, no overwhelming lust driven decisions lingering, he could allow himself to enjoy the way it sounded when Magnus called him that. Boyfriend. There was so much promise in that title. It was one Alec hoped Magnus would hold forever but yet not hold for long because he was quite certain that he wanted Magnus to hold every title of importance available in Alec’s life; friend, lover, boyfriend, fiancé, husband, last love. Magnus Bane was the one for him. The one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. 

“So…boyfriend, huh?”

Magnus paused, holding the glass of orange juice up to his lips. He smiled at Alec over the rim. “I don’t see the point of prolonging the inevitable. I want you to be my boyfriend, and assuming you want the same thing, I think it would be easier if we just skip ahead to what we want.”

Magnus continued on with his orange juice and pulled the plate of bacon closer to him, a confidence in his actions that came from the certainty that Alec would absolutely want the same thing. And after yesterday, and everything they talked about, after sharing their bed in both the normal and intimate sense, there was no way Magnus could believe that Alec would feel otherwise. 

Alec stole a piece of bacon, tearing off a bite and definitely noticing the way Magnus pushed more slices of bacon onto his side of the plate than Alec’s.  _ Bacon thief,  _ Alec thought to himself, grinning as he chewed, and not even caring that Magnus wanted most of the bacon for himself. Alec would gladly give up all the bacon if it made him happy. 

“You’re taking an awfully long time to respond.” Magnus frowned. “Is it because I took all the bacon?”

Alec laughed and nudged the plate of bacon closer to Magnus, offering up the rest to him. “I will gladly skip ahead to whichever stage you want, and give you all the bacon you want.”

Magnus’ face lit up with a smile and Alec’s heart skipped, it was almost too much beauty to see so early in the morning. The day hadn’t even had a chance to start and Magnus had already supplied it with all the beauty it could possibly need with that one smile.

Alec scoffed, to Magnus’ surprise. 

“What?”

“How do you do it?”

Magnus set his fork down and crossed his arms on the table, meeting his eyes with a suspicious glare. “Do what?” 

Alec allowed himself a moment to stare at the light amber of Magnus’ eyes that the sunshine created when it met their brown. “Look so beautiful this early in the morning?” 

Magnus straightened in his seat and Alec suspected that he had caught him off guard if the small smile and slow batting of his eyes were any indication. “I—“

“You’re beautiful.”

Gentle fingers rubbed against Alec’s palm that rested on the tabletop. Magnus dropped his chin, a blushing grin on his face and threaded his fingers through Alec’s. “I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to the direct way you say everything.”

“Maybe I don’t want you to get used to it.” Alec smoothed his thumb in circles into Magnus’ palm. “And I’ve really been dying to tell you this for a long time now so don’t mind me while I say it seventeen thousand times a day.”

“Only if I’m allowed to do the same,” Magnus bargained.

“Deal.”

Magnus withdrew his hand and picked up his fork to continue on with his meal. He bit into the omelet and moaned with his eyes closed and a satisfied smirk.

They ate their food in silence with only the occasional shy smiles and glances while they enjoyed the peace that came when your life finally fell into place. Alec thought he would be stuck with the way his life was, settling for what he thought was the best he would ever get, despite knowing that his heart was no longer in it. And Magnus…Alec watched him as he ate a piece of bacon, happily bobbing his head to whatever tune he had playing in his head. He had never seen Magnus look so happy, peaceful, and carefree. There had always been something present, holding him back, and now without Camille, those worries, that pain, was finally gone. It was as if Alec was finally getting to see the real Magnus, the Magnus that lived with authenticity, and he was exquisite. 

Alec finally knew what it was he wanted in life— _ who  _ he wanted in life. And now they finally had each other, their story was not the most conventional or even one that Alec was too proud of because hurting someone was never the right thing to do. But he was also aware that because of the paths their lives had taken, they had met. Magnus would have never gone to the gallery’s Christmas party had it not been for Camille and Alec would have never been there if it were not for Raj.

In a way it was as if their lives had to go down those paths in order to end up where they now found themselves. Perhaps they would have met somewhere else, and just maybe it all would have turned out exactly the same, as if they would have been destined to meet in any life and every dimension. But this was the life they’d been given, the story they were destined to live and Alec would make the most of it. Almost a year had passed, wasted on them not being together, and he didn’t want to wait another moment or miss any more time that he could have with Magnus. His happily ever after could not begin fast enough. 

“Will you go on a date with me?” Alec asked, breaking their peaceful silence.

Magnus pushed his plate away, finished. “There you go again, with that blunt delivery.”

“I know what I want,” Alec said with a shrug. “Will you?”

Magnus lifted his shoulder. “I guess I could let you take me out on a date, especially considering all the steps we’ve skipped already.”

“I think it’s safe to say that our love doesn’t quite follow the rules. Considering all the steps we’ve skipped.”

Magnus grinned. “I suppose you’re right. So you want to take me on a date?”

“A first date. Dinner and then a movie we won’t watch because we will of course take full advantage of the dark room and the back row.”

“Back in high school now, are we?” Magnus laughed.

“I’m just trying to make sure we tick off as many of the traditional experiences as possible. I would hate to miss out on anything with you.”

“So our first date will be channeling a traditional high school first date?”

“Complete with me stretching and putting my arm around you while you pretend not to notice but you scoot in closer to me all the same. Then, of course, we make out.”

Magnus hummed and pursed his lips. “We sort of already did one of our firsts yesterday and last night.”

“We’re only human, Magnus, we waited long enough.” Alec chuckled.

Magnus closed his eyes and moaned, the corner of his mouth going up slowly into a contented smile. “Yes, we did. Too long. In fact,” Magnus stood from the table in one quick motion and grabbed Alec by the arm, pulling him up out of the chair and tugging him towards the bedroom. “I think we’ve waited long enough this morning.”

Alec laughed and kicked the door closed behind him. He wrapped an arm around Magnus’ waist and drew him in, taking his mouth in for a kiss. Magnus arched into the kiss, dragging his nails down Alec’s chest.  

“You never answered me,” Alec whispered against Magnus’ parted lips. “Will you let me take you on a first date?”

Magnus kissed at his bottom lip. “I want you to take me on every date I will ever have for the rest of my life.”

Alec grinned. “I like the sound of that.”

Magnus pulled his head down for another kiss and then turned them around, pushing Alec down onto the bed before climbing on top of him. “Now, I think there’s a few other firsts we can take care of right now.”

Alec hooked his fingers under the band of Magnus’ sweatpants. “Good, because I’m free all day.”

Magnus leaned down and kissed him again. Alec would never get tired of the feeling of Magnus’ lips sliding against his. 

“Mm,” Magnus lifted his head to speak, “I’m going to use another one of our firsts right now.”

Alec nodded, panting softly to catch his breath. “Okay…”

Magnus brushed the fallen hair away from his eyes and sighed nervously. “I love you, Alexander.”

Out of all the firsts they would experience with each other throughout their relationship this was one Alec had been feeling for a while and now, at the start of their relationship, in the wrong order entirely, he would be finally be able say it out loud. “I love you too.”

* * *

  
  


**_Two years later…_ **

 

The gallery was decorated beautifully with soft lights reflecting off the marble floors. There were a lot of guests Alec recognized, artists who had been in business with the gallery for years now, old friends, family members he had once been close to. He stood patiently in the file of the line, waiting for his turn.

“He wouldn’t have invited you if he didn’t want you here,” Magnus whispered softly as they took another step forward. 

Alec relaxed his hands that he hadn’t even realized had been so tense, sweating in the palms. “What if it was just a courtesy and I wasn’t meant to actually come?”

Magnus scoffed. “One, what would be the point in that? Two, he’s not that petty.”

Alec swallowed. “He isn’t but—“

“That’s not what he was doing.” Magnus rolled his eyes. “He wanted you here.”

Alec scratched at his brow and finally turned to look at Magnus and he was sure his face was pale with anxiety because Magnus smiled softly at him and patted him on the cheek. 

Alec let out a shaky breath. “I have no right to be here not after what I did.”

“ _ That’s  _ for him to decide and he’s obviously made his decision because he invited you.” They moved another step forward and it did nothing to settle the nerves Alec felt.

“You’re happy for him, right?” Magnus asked, gently. 

“What? Yeah. Of course I am.”

“Then stop making this about you and  _ be happy for him. _ ” Magnus always had a way of being brutally honest without being too brutal. But he was right. “And for god’s sake try to be cool when we get up there. Don’t be awkward and make him remember all that shit on his wedding day.”

“That is  _ not  _ helping, Magnus,” Alec groaned.

Magnus took his hand and brought it up to his lips for a quick kiss. “I know you care about him and his happiness. So relax and be happy with him.”

The last group of people filed off with well wishes and laughter as Alec stood forward to take their place. 

Raj smiled at him, genuine and completely happy. “Alec, you came.”

“Congratulations, Raj…Victor,” Alec said, returning his smile and offering one to Victor, who surprisingly didn’t look like he wanted to tear Alec apart limb from limb. He had gotten what he wanted after all, he was standing beside Raj, in their pristine matching white suits, as his husband. There was no more reason to hate Alec. 

Victor nodded a thank you.

“Magnus, you came too,” Raj said cheerily, glancing over at Alec for the briefest of moments, his face unreadable save for the utter happiness he wore. 

“Thank you for inviting us. The ceremony was beautiful and the gallery looks amazing!” Magnus caught Victor’s attention by mentioning the painting that hung as the backdrop of their altar, and Alec suspected he did this to give him a moment with Raj. 

“Turns out he did love you too,” Raj commented quietly.

Alec nodded, holding his breath, unsure what he was supposed to say in response.

“You two make a great couple.” Raj chuckled and patted Alec on his arm in that way of his that suggested he wanted Alec to relax.

“Thanks.” Alec let out the pent up breath and cleared his throat. “So you and Victor, huh?”

Raj chuckled. “I’ll be honest, I never saw it coming.”

Alec tipped his head with a shrug. “I did.”

“Yeah?”

Alec nodded. “I sorta knew he had feelings for you and I had a feeling he would step up and offer you what you deserve.”

“He did.” Raj looked down, smiling uncontrollably. “I’m so incredibly happy.”

“I’m happy to hear that, I really am.”

Raj glanced over his shoulder and Alec had a feeling he had held up the line long enough. 

“I’ll let you get back to your other guests,” Alec commented.

Raj leaned forward and pulled Alec into a hug. “I’m really glad you came, Alec.”

Alec returned the hug and smiled. “I wouldn’t have missed it.”

“It’s good to see you so happy,” Raj whispered quietly. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.”

Raj pulled back and gave Alec a soft nod. “I’ll see you guys around later.”

Alec moved forward to let the next guests take his place and stood in front of Victor who held his hand out to him. 

“Congratulations,” Alec said, shaking Victor’s hand.

“Thanks, Alec.” Victor gave his hand a squeeze. “And thank you for coming.”

Alec had a feeling Victor was thanking him for more than his well wishes and for being here. He was thanking him for giving Raj the chance at being happy without him. He was thankful that Alec had stepped aside so that they could find their happiness together. Alec had spent months secretly hating himself for breaking Raj’s heart the way he did but seeing him stand beside Victor, it was as if this were the way it was always meant to be. They looked good together, they looked in love, and Alec was happy for them. 

Alec walked away and Magnus quietly hooked his arm through his. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

Alec shook his head, relief washing over him that everything had gone smoothly, that he hadn’t ruined Raj’s life completely. “Thanks for being here with me, Magnus.”

Magnus waved him off and pulled him off towards the banquet tables. “As if I would let my fiancé face his ex alone. Granted, you probably have the world’s nicest and most understanding ex-fiancé—I still couldn’t let you go through it alone.”

They collected their plates of food, and then got their drinks from the open bar. They watched Raj and Victor cut their cake and watched them dance for the first time together as a married couple. The night was drawing to a close and after a lot of socializing and dancing, they found themselves standing off to the back, away from the crowd. 

Magnus handed Alec a fresh glass of bubbling champagne. “We are standing in the exact same spot where we met three years ago.”

Alec looked around at where they stood and smiled. “We are.”

Magnus sipped at his champagne and shook his head. “I would have never imagined in a million years that we would be here together three years later, watching your ex dancing at his wedding with his best friend. Life knows how to pull some plot twists, that’s for damn sure.”

Alec laughed. “That’s true but I’m pretty sure life knew exactly what it was doing.” Alec pulled Magnus in and kissed him. The warm taste of champagne on his tongue, the sound of his sweet hum of agreement reverberating against his lips. There was no doubt in Alec’s mind that life knew exactly what it was doing and what was right for them. There was no other way to explain how someone so perfect for him, like Magnus, could waltz into his life and change everything forever. Fate was the only answer Alec had. And it was all the answer he needed. He didn’t need any other proof to tell him that Magnus was the one for him and that they would spend their lives making each other happy. Happiness flooded through him, filling him. Before, he felt as if he were drowning unsure if he would ever have this type of happiness and now he stood here and he felt as if he couldn’t contain all the happiness he now carried inside him. It was a beautiful feeling. 

Alec kissed Magnus on his forehead. Everything was the way it should be.

  
  


**_Fin._ **

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end :")
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this journey as much as I have. Thank you all so much for everything!
> 
> Please let me know what you think either in the comments, twitter, or however you want.
> 
> Until the next story!
> 
> love you all!
> 
> -xoxo
> 
> J

**Author's Note:**

> 0:)
> 
> there it is!
> 
> A huge huge thank you to Lu and Meg for their support and help with beta-ing this fic for me! Couldn't have done it without you guys <3
> 
> see you all tomorrow ;)
> 
>  
> 
> xoxo-
> 
> Jackie


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